About three years ago, we adopted an aged female cat. We named her Candy (well, the kids named her Candy, because she has caramel and chocolate colored stripes). About a year ago, we adopted a one-year-old male cat, named Ponch (he was already named Ponch; we didn’t want to confuse him, so we didn’t change it). In the beginning, Ponch dominated Candy quickly, forcing her away from the food dish when he wanted to eat, etc. They fought frequently. Since Candy is old, and was here first, we stood up for her at eating time, gently moving Ponch away from the dish until Candy was done, etc.
Over the year, Candy has somehow become the alpha-cat. If she sees Ponch approaching the food dish, she’ll race there first, and then glare at him regally while she slowly eats her fill. They don’t fight much any more, but they glare at each other a lot, and are generally hostile towards one another.
So, is there any hope that over time, they will actually become friends? Do any of you have similar experiences?
I had a similar situation- seven years ago, when Mr. 1341 and I got married, my then-13-yr-old cat Phoebe (yep, she’s 20 now!) and I moved in with him and his much younger cat, Midnight. Because we were the newcomers, Midnight was the alpha cat. He was never mean to Phoebe- I think he liked the company- but Phoebe HATED him. She hiss and swat every time he came near her, and then run and hide.
The we bought a new house and moved. Midnight had only ever lived in the one house, but Phoebe had moved several times. She adjusted very quickly to the new house, but it took Midnight awhile. Phoebe became the alpha cat, and they got along noticibly better. She still clearly didn't like him much, but stopped hissing and swatting.
Enter Auggie, The Cutest Dog on the Planet (TM). We got him a couple of years later. The cats tolerate him, and he loves the kitties. He tries to play with them- he brings them his toys, which causes them to recoil in horror. I just know they're thinking, "Get that away from me, it's covered in dog spit!" He also tries to herd them, which is truly hilarious. The cats get along really well now that they have a common enemy. They even surl up and sleep together, which they never, ever did before Auggie.
So, there is hope. Especially if you get a dog! :D
Wish you luck. My experience suggests that they may grow to tolerate each other, but will be unlikely to become good friends or even playmates. We’ve had a number of cats over the years, and most either take to each other at the beginning or never do. What color is Ponch? I ask because we had an odd thing with 3 cats adopted at different times – the two who were mostly solid colored with white feet got to be friends, and shunned the one who was an orange stripy type, no “socks.” We figured the white-footed ones just thought the orange one was “odd-looking.”
Most cats, even if they hate each other, will learn to tolerate each other within the same household. There comes a time when they realise they’re pretty much stuck with the cards they’re dealt, so they’ll deal with it.
That said, some cats decide to get along and be buddies. Others, however, will just “put up” with each other, and that may be the best you’ll ever get from them. Cats (and other animals) and how they deal with other cats is similar to how we deal with people. Depending on their individual personalities, some will choose to make peace and get along, forgive and forget and become best friends, or begrudgingly accept the fact that they have to live with the other “moron”, but by Og, they don’t have to like it.
In other words: they might. Or they might not. Maybe one day they will, maybe they never will. As long as they’re not at each other’s throats, fighting to the death, be happy they’re allowing each other to breath the other’s air.
Marty was 8 when we got Scarlett. She LOVES Marty. He tolerates her. She runs after him, wants to sleep by him, and he just kind of puts up with her. When they feel frisky, he’ll play with her and seems to enjoy putting some smackdown on her.
This week we moved into a new house. During the time that the movers were bringing our things into the place, we locked the cats with their litter box into an upstairs bathroom. When the house was closed again I opened the bathroom door and found them curled up with each other sound asleep. I thought maybe the stress drove them to appreciate each other, but no. Things are back to normal, she loves her Marty, and he just wants to be left alone.
I wouldn’t bank on it. I got my two cats, Lillian and Dorothy, from the same litter when they were barely weaned. Hated each other. Dorothy died earlier this year at age 15, and for every day of those 15 years they hated each other. Lillian has not stopped purring since Dorothy died. If she could dance on her grave, she would do so.
norinew, I recommend you provide your cats with separate food and water bowls, if you haven’t done so already, and keep them in distinct areas (like different corners in a kitchen, or on different sides of a room divider, etc.).
I never had cats when I was growing up, because my mother didn’t like them. I really prefer dogs, but I like big dogs, and we simply haven’t the room to keep one properly. We adopted both of our cats because they had nowhere else to go, and it seemed like the right thing to do.
I guess what I’m saying is, although I love my kitties, I don’t know much about caring for them.
Well, The Scrivener already mentioned the feeding stations; I’ll count your post as a second vote for that, and implement it tomorrow. As for the litter box, they never fight over it.
Sometimes cats hang onto their grudges for a lifetime. They can be mighty willful critters. But occasionally I’ve seen cats who began as enemies and became friends. Two of our cats used to hate each other: they hissed and spat and quarreled for years, yet they eventually turned so lovey that you’d think they were mother and son.
My cat and my husband’s cat met as adults, and I don’t think they will ever make it past “armed truce.” Jim’s cat is the dominant one, and she would probably play with my cat and sleep with her, but my cat refuses to make nice. Sometimes she almost starts playing with Max, then she seems to get nervous and freaked out, and starts with the hissing.
They have separate food bowls, too. They both eat from both bowls, of course, but we let them sort out their food pecking order. Neither is starving to death, so I guess they worked it out.
From everything I’ve heard, as long as they remain in the same territory (your current house) they will never be friends. Their enmity may cool, but the best you can hope for is reluctant tolerance.
However, if you move, that could change everything. If you move, be sure to start them out in different parts of the house (one closed room each), and then after about a day, open their doors and let them meet in neutral territory. After that, they stand a reasonably good chance of being friends.
My first cat always hated my second cat except for one brief period of about two months when we temporarily moved to an apartment while repairs were being done to my house. At the apartment my first cat absolutely loved my second cat. Once we moved back to the old house, they were enemies again. Afterwards we moved to other houses, but that strange affection never reoccurred.
That reminds me of years ago, when my two black cats and I moved in with a roomate with one white and one black cat.
The white cat (female) was the first to adapt to the two new cats.
Her black cat (male) was the last two adapt to the two new cats.
My black cats (both female) got too close to her black cat on several occasions, and got spat upon and scratched. After about a week, my two cats, who before had been the best of friends, started hissing at each other during chance encounters.
Then my mother decided it was time to put my 12-year-old kitty back at home to sleep, so I moved her into the mix. She immediately became Queen Cat, and suddenly all the others got along.
But the color thing was pretty funny. We decided that since the white cat was used to seeing black cats she accepted them more readily, but really I think she was just a friendlier cat.
(PS–Despite the ultimate friendliness of all our pets, five cats were too many. Frankly I think four cats might have been too many.)
We had Saha for about three years, and she is around 5. A year ago we got Bill, who wandered into the yard. We spent a week with him hanging out in the yard, to see if signs went up (he was obviously a Very Special Cat), then we took him to the vet, and then he got to come inside.
So for a week Saha, who has not been known to be friendly to other cats, nor particularly friendly to humans, either (she was once the mascot for a fraternity and lived in a frat house), got to look outside and see him, sniff him through the screen, and one morning they were on opposite sides of the glass of one window.
When we finally let him in, all immunized and everything, Saha pretended he did not exist. And he was very friendly. Obviously he wanted a playmate, and he wanted desperately to lick her ears. After a couple of weeks they would play–or at least it always started out looking like play. They play tricks on each other–Bill will be hanging out in the rocking chair, Saha will come into the living room, pretend she’s playing with something really intriguing behind the couch, and when Bill goes to investigate, she steals his chair. (This little trick has worked both ways.) She will tolerate his licking her ears but she will not lick him back so the poor guy has dirty ears. (He will actually lick anybody’s ears–my son’s, for instance, who is the only one who will let him do this.) So they are friendly to a point. They have separate feeding stations, but either will eat out of the other’s. We have 3 boxes and I have no idea if they favor one or the other–all three of them seem to get dirty equally quickly. So they do get along, but not famously. They will sleep on the bed together but won’t snuggle up, although Saha has become a bit friendlier to humans, which we think is Bill’s good influence.
Well, like I said earlier, I just really never knew anything about cats. I wasn’t allowed to have them as a kid (Mom thought they were “evil”), and never set out to have one as an adult. But poor little Candy had been abandoned by her previous owners, and started hanging out on our porch, twirling around our ankles and stuff. We let her live on our porch, fed her out there, got her checked by a vet, etc. Then, that winter, we had a big snow storm, and the kids said “Oh, mama, can’t we bring her in? She’ll freeze to death out there!” So, being the marshmallow I am, we brought her in. She’s very affectionate, jumps up in my lap while I’m watching TV, will curl up in the bed with us if we allow her (sometimes we do). I’ve grown to love her.
Then, a friend of my oldest daughter’s had a kitten, and was temporarily staying someplace where cats weren’t allowed. She wanted to keep him (Ponch) here in the unused half of our duplex, and come feed and play with him every day, etc. Well, after a couple of weeks, she stopped coming to take care of him. By that time, our pre-school aged daughter had grown very attached to him. He’s not as loving or affectionate as Candy, but he’s much more patient with the little one. It would have broken my daughter’s heart if we had to give him to a pound, so we took him.
So you can see that things that are common knowledge among most cat owners are certainly not common knowledge for me, which is why I brought the question to you fine folks.
Thanks for the stories, guys. They’re very interesting.
We have a 2-year old cat (Quicksilver) who was just fine until Domino moved in. Domino is the only male, and Quicksilver has a seething hatred for him that is unmatched by any other cat relationship we’ve ever had. I’ve started calling her Osama Bin Laden because she terrorizes him so. She won’t even let him through the doorway to come sit with us. She hisses and swats and generally carries on. And he is THREE TIMES HER SIZE! It’s a bummer. But I don’t think it will ever get better. She’s just more high-strung than the rest of the kids.
