Sigh. My cats hate each other. What to do?

In My Humble Opinion
1

First, the kitties:

Wallaby(aka Wally): Female, 3 years old, spayed for a long time, small, sweet, never aggressive before now, gets along great with the dogs, has gotten along well with other foster cats in the past. Truly a lovely cat, zero problems with her, ever. Goes outside some mornings. Imported from Okinawa with the mutts when we moved here a few months ago. Has peaceably shared food and litter boxes before, no problems.

Gem: Alsofemale, small, 2 years old(?), total angel of a cat, just got spayed today, sweet as can be, a doll. Just like Wally. We got Gem about 3 months ago, when the guy who found her could not keep her and her 3-day old kittens (squee) due to a move. She was a stray. Shows absolutely NO interest in going outside. The guy who originally took her in had several other cats, and they lived in harmony. We took the whole family in, although obviously it isn’t ideal to move such tiny babies, but we gave them their own room on their own floor of the house (basement). The door was closed, but other animals could smell the new family. Once the kittens were active, we moved them all upstairs, to a shut off room, and then eventually into the main living area. Obviously, Gem was protective of the kittens, but was actively aggressive toward Wally. She would leave the kittens in the care of the heathen dogs to go to another room to attack Wally.

Well, the kittens are adopted out, and now the cats just hate each other. Gem chases Wally, but usually ends up cornered and squalling. It’s bad. They hiss and growl every time they’re near each other. We’ve had Gem about 3 months now. We have separate litter boxes (one 2nd floor, one basement) but they both use both. We have two bowls of cat food, same deal. No blood has been drawn, but I’m tired of it. Gem isn’t really a part of the family, due to Wally’s crap, and she really deserves to be, she’s a sweetheart and loves to be all up in your business.

I don’t know. The plan was to foster Gem and adopt her out, but I’d like to keep her, if we can get these girls to get along. They should get along, they’re both awesome, non-aggressive cats. But if it’s just going to be where they each have territory and mostly stay out of each other’s way, I’d rather re-home Gem where she can have a real family and house. Right now, Wally’s territory is were we mostly hang out, so Gem, who’s very social, is not getting what she needs.

So, questions, I guess:

Will the spay help? Could some of these problems have been hormones?

Anyone have cats that hated each other then got over it? After more than 3 months?

It occurs to me to put them each in separate crates and lock them in a bathroom together for a while, make them “talk it out.” Terrible idea? Brilliant? Couldn’t hurt to try?

I’m open to suggestions.

2

Our cats Ashes and Bandit have lived together for 5 years and they have loathed each other with the burning fire of a thousand suns each and every day of that time. Then again, Bandit hates all cats, except his brother Smokey, RIP.

But Bandit is well aware he’s not supposed to fight. Friends have remarked how they carefully avoid each other. That’s as close as they’re going to get to being friends before Bandit kicks it (he’s 17).

There’s only been one $300 trip to the 24-hour vet.

3

I had had a male cat for 7 years and then got a female. Both neutered/spayed. She hated him; she just couldn’t understand why he didn’t move out once she moved in. She learned to tolerate him to the extent of sleeping within a couple feet of him, but he was* still* prone to sudden attacks of sheer evil. (This after 5 years…sigh!) He outweighed her by about 6 lbs, and when he got tired of her, he’d trounce her!:smiley: I think it’s just her - she hates all other cats.
How long have the kittens been gone? Maybe Gem needs to get used to the idea that she doesn’t have to guard her territory so fiercely. I do think that the spaying will help.
Not sure about crating them, they might blame each other for getting punished.

4

The kittens have been gone about a month.

So, I think that’s two votes for the rehome Gem option.

5

Oh, and I’d like to add this: We live in New England. They import stray animals here from other parts of the country because we hardly have any of our own. When animal control finds a stray cat, it makes the news (seriously). I don’t at all doubt that we could find her a very good home quite easily. Still, she’s a really neat cat, and I’d like Wally to have a kitty friend. But not a kitty enemy…sigh.

6

I’m just confused why it’s “Wally’s crap” that Gem has to deal with. It was Wally’s house, and this momma cat and her (adorable) brats moved in and then the interloper was the initial aggressor by protecting her kittens.

I almost always err in judgement on the original cat overlord ;).

However, if you really like Gem and want to keep her, I think 3 months isn’t long enough. Also, I’d look into Feliway - it’s a spray that helps recreate happy, calm kitten thoughts and has helped a lot of our clients (work for a vet) with kitty behaviorial issues.

ETA: I have three siblings and we were always moving in an out of dad’s or mom’s house with a cat or two and I’ve seen it take up to six months to a year for two hateful kitties to decide they just have to live with it.

7

Actually, your crating idea is a good one. Behaviorists rarely suggest it because so many people are resistant to follow that advise, but if you’re amenable to try it, it could have very good results. Start with each in a crate in the same room - 2 weeks is often the initial timeframe suggested. Then start territory-sharing. One gets time out of the crate for a day, then switch. Lather, rinse, repeat until things seem peaceful. You can move the crate from room to room as well, so they get the idea that the rule applies everywhere. If fights still break out, the instigator is the one who gets crated.

PM me if you want me to find more info for you!

8

Wait, please don’t take my post as a definite vote to rehome! I loved both my cats, and the fighting was not constant, they just weren’t buddies. They both enjoyed living with me, even if it had to be together. He mostly ignored her, 'til she had pushed his buttons too many times.
My vote is give it at least another month or two.

9

Well, I guess you just have to see it, right now it kind of feels like Gem is more curious/playful, and Wally (who puts up with absolutely the most absurd crap from the dogs without blinking an eye) just freaks out on her. I think they got off on the wrong foot with the mama/kittens thing, thus the crating in the same room idea.

Which, thank you,** SeaDragonTattoo**, I’m glad to hear this isn’t a terrible idea. I’m still back and forth on it. I definitely don’t mind giving it a try, and I feel like since both of these cats can get along with other cats, and since neither are generally assholish, if they could just see how sweet the other is, they would get along. Anthropomorphize much? Surely not.

Part of why I want to keep this cat is that Wally is terrified of new people, and we travel occasionally. The dogs go to a friend’s house, but I feel like it’s stressful for her to stay here by herself (and worse to move her). Yes, we’d have someone check in on her, but she’s way too shy to actually interact with the cat sitter, so she’d be all alone, for up to 2 weeks. If she had a cat buddy, I wouldn’t feel so bad about it. That isn’t the only reason I’d like to keep Gem, but it’s a significant one.

10

Well, OK. But everything was just so peaceful before Gem! All the animals (we have 3 medium sized dogs plus Wally) slept in the same bed, cuddled up, happy as clams. There were never, ever fights. It was idyllic. And I liked it. I don’t want to spend years breaking up cat fights at 2am, and I don’t want my pets to merely tolerate each other most of the time. I want friendly, dammit.

11

I have 6 dogs and 4 cats. Papi, one of the siamese, hates all other cats. Spike picks on poor declawed Sabrina. Nicky and Spike tussle, but it’s not really serious, just boy-play. Papi loves dogs. Spike seems to have fun with the young giant schnauzer, Sophie. Nick doesn’t care either way, and Sabrina hates dogs. But somehow, we all sit together at night, and there are few arguments that are strenuous enough to get me to tell them to knock it off.

If Wally and Gem are really going at it, you might try the Feli-way diffusers and see if that helps. You might just give it more time. Even if they aren’t best buds, they may grow to tolerate each other.

Good luck

StG

12

I dunno. If I had to choose between “tolerate” and “rehome”, tolerate it is.
My Luna (2.5 yrs), the original cat overlord, completely hates Tara (9mths), the newbie. It’s been about 6 months and Luna is still terrorising Tara. Tara never fights back, though, but does hide under the couch / behind mommy or daddy. It’s gotten better - Tara used to get scratches on her nose from Luna, and I had to escort Tara to the litterbox every morning, otherwise she’d pee in the sink because she didn’t want to go near Luna.

Now Luna kinda sorta tolerates Tara in the day and in the evening (and doesn’t corner Tara into the litterbox any more) but they are not, I repeat, not friends. At all. And morning is “chase Tara under the couch and keep her there” time for Luna.
Still, I wouldn’t choose to rehome, ever. They’ll survive.

13

My cats can’t stand each other, even five years later, but they’ve downgraded things into a cold war of sorts. Tikva has the upstairs, Mystery has most of the downstairs, and the area near the stairs is in theory shared as long as they don’t use it at the same time. In practice Mystery is the dominant cat, despite being half Tikva’s size, and will chase Tik up the stairs if she catches her in no man’s land. And if Mystery is for some reason upstairs, Tikva tends more towards hissing and evil glares than angry chases. But, uh, they’ve pretty much worked it out.

14

Two cats enter… One Cat leaves
Two cats enter… One Cat leaves
Two cats enter… One Cat leaves
Two cats enter… One Cat leaves

15

Everyone has different attitudes toward conflict among their pets, I guess, but mine (having fostered at least 50 animals at this point, Gem being only the most recent) is that I want a house where everyone is happy, not a house where everyone only (mostly) tolerates each other. If that is the best I can hope for, I will, without hesitation, re-home Gem. I think we will all be happier that way. I realize not everyone feels the same way, and I respect that, but it’s my house and I don’t want fighting here. If they can be friends, great, if it’s only a truce, then no. Gem needs to find a home where she’s not the outsider.

16

If you can find her a good home do it. I hate to sound mean but really it is only a cat.

Now I love cats but if you can find her a good home do it and make everyone happy.

You have to be realistic about this, it’s a cat. You can’t let your whole house be upset and peace destroyed because of a pet.

If you can’t find her a home, OK then I could understand, but find Gem a new home and get Wally another cat that LIKES him.

Again, I"m not a cat hater or any animal hate, but it IS just a pet and you should be able to live in your house without worry and without having the whole routine of your household upset because of an animal, ESPECIALLY when you don’t have to.

So give it another month or two, and if someone here can’t give you advice that gets the cats to live with each other, adopt Gem out and get Wally a new friend.

We all like to anthropomorphize our pets, but animals don’t think like humans. They aren’t like us, once they get food and shelter, and you take care of their hormones, they’re pretty much happy with just that.

17

I’m starting to wonder if the people that accept a truce are ones that would have trouble rehoming the outsider. If you are accustomed to rehoming, then maybe you could do it without worrying? I would worry. The male I wrote about was a stray, I got custody of him :dubious: when I left an ex-SO. I had Fat Boy for 7 yrs, then I was adopted by Notmai Kitty. Either someone left her when they moved from their apt., or maybe she hated them so much she ran away. So I got another stray, and thankful I am that someone had already spayed her. They tolerated each other for 5 yrs, then I lost my Fat Boy while camping last June. Since then, Notmai Kitty and I moved in with my SO. My SO decided to adopt a stray in our new neighborhood in November. So now Notmai Kitty hates Little Man. Same circus, different clowns. :smack:

18

What happens if you get them both bombed on catnip?

19

Gem likes catnip, but Wally ignores it.

20

Meh. Keep them around. Either that or introduce a third cat.