Munching on the Pope’s Crunchy Goodness

One of my jobs here – OK, it’s not an official position – is to report on insane fuckwits who find religious iconography in their junk food. So, until Ed accepts my standing offer to take over for Cecil, or at least makes me a one of the mini-Cecils that make up the mighty Cecil machine, I’ll content myself with my small, but vital, role as a cog in the Straightdope machine.

When we were last awed by the miraculous manifested in the mundane, we were in the presence of Mary, Mother of Cheese. Not since Medjugorje has the wholly white mother looked so delicious.

Now that the progressive pontiff has passed, you perchance might ponder, “Hasn’t J. Paul left us something more than his eerily embalmed corpse?” What more could you want besides decades of continued misogyny? Nacho cheese!

Yes, the most recognizable symbol of the bishop of Rome, his phallic mitre, has appeared in a bag of corn chips purchased by this fugly lot of middle-Americans. Makes you wonder what other relics might be sitting in the gullets of less observant snack fiends.

And yes, stop me if this sounds familiar, an online casino purchased the divine dorito.

you are obviously sitting in a padded room somewhere with access to a laptop and way too much time on your hands…

carry on.

So did you get the commemerative pope’s hat thong?

That page is only a joke. I applaud this family for capitalizing on organized religion in such a fashion. And they’re not fugly either. That older daughter is pretty hot.

The page isn’t a joke at all. They really marketed the chip, they really sold it, and yes they really capitalized.

Are you saying that they aren’t true believers in the divinity of the hat chip? You horrid, craven cynic, you. Good luck with the subtly creeping looking under age daughter, unbeliever!

Hubby found a potato with Kruschev’s likeness, but didn’t figure the market for dead commies was all that strong.

They got $1209 for that chip? :eek:

Gosh, I’d better go stock up on junk food.

Meh. This thread’s nowhere near as sick as I thought it would be after reading the title.

No kidding, what a let down.

On the upside however, I get at least one Pope Hat Chip in every bag. One bag o Doritos: $99 cents, one Pope Hat Chip: $1200. I’ll be rich! Rich, I say.

hmmm…I wonder how much I could get for this Elvis looking chip I found earlier today?

I’m not sure why anyone would think there’s something sick about this thread. For those interested in the ecstasy of religious (and capitalistic) rapture, read on…

Like many people, I begin each day with some light exercise, strong coffee, and a bracing hot shower. Cleanliness might be close to godliness, but I never do achieve a sense of spiritual fulfillment as I wash my testes, condition my hair, and rewash my testes for… well no reason really.

That can all change, however, for the lucky someone who pays a modest $1000 for the peeping Jesus of the bathe.

This isn’t just any Jesus face. Those with 99.44 proof faith, like me, will note that Jesus has his lips pressed luridly against the glass. He’s man, he’s god, he likes to watch you suds up.

This would also be the perfect investment for parents of teens whom they suspect of gratifying themselves in the shower. With the man-god watching, maybe they won’t be so quick to grip the bishop or flick the bean. Or maybe they will… either way, bid quick!

Mmmmm . . . Sacrilicious . . .

That shower door doesn’t look like Jesus at all. It looks like soap scum in the shape of soap scum. They really need to clean up a bit more.


I agree with you. I counld not see any face let alone Jesus’s face.

Obviously, the two of you are godless heathens. That’s the soap scum of Jesus right there if ever there were the soap scum of Jesus!

Tsk. People of little faith.

I once had a VHS tape with a ghostly likeness of John the Baptist visible behind the image that was recorded. It was like the holy spirit had reached down and moved just a fraction of the little ferrous particles… enough to hint at a scene depicting John the Baptist baptizing the faithful.

Turns out it was Ron Jeremy, and that wasn’t exactly holy water being splashed around. I keep looking for icons, though.

mmm… chock full of popey goodness!

I found a chip that looks just like this one in my Doritos today!

Turns out it was the hat of one of the anti-Popes.

Damn you Charlemagne!

I’ve just got to get this one out of my system:
“The Soap Scum of Jesus, The Grime of Salvation.”

And Satan pre-registers me for Hell

Please it is you idolitors that are being tempted by false things from the true path of God. Follow the shoe.

Jesus on a shoe? I have not heard of this apparition. Please share. I am a fan of all Holy Apparitions.