I had an even more embarrassing experience along these lines. I called my investment company with a question about a CD ladder. My conversation with the machine went like this:
Machine: <Please tell me why you’re calling.>
Me: I have a question about a CD ladder.
Machine: <Ok, you’re calling about a letter, right?>
Me: No.
Machine: <My mistake. Please tell me why you’re calling.>
Me: I have a question about a CD ladder.
Machine: <Ok, you’re calling about a letter, right?>
Me: No!
After something like 4 rounds of this, I just wanted to say something just to get me to a human, so I yelled “Just give me an agent you stupid machine!”. It then said “Transferring you to an agent about just give me a agent you stupid machine”, the last part being a recording of my outburst. Then I realized that the system was probably going to play that recording for the agent too before I talked to him.
I don’t like saying the names of songs. As in, if someone asked me what my favorite song is, I would feel dumb saying Old Town Road(it’s not, it’s just the first thing that came to mind)and would first try saying “that new one by Billy Ray Cyrus”. Some songs titles sound more foolish than others, of course, but I feel self conscious about it in almost any case.
My shoes never cease to amuse. The lil’wrekker is mortified by them. She takes incessant pix of my feet when we’re out together. I have now turned it into a game of how much can I embarrass her! I just purchased a pair of tie-dyed crocs. She’s gonna die when I wear them with my cat socks.
Have you tried a wireless mouse? They work great. Just as good as a wired one and the batteries last a long time. You can easily slip it in your pocket when you go to your meeting.
Wireless mouses are the devil. Batteries give out at the most inconvenient time, and the supply lady is sometimes out of replacements. At least this way, I only have one power supply to worry about.
I have a quiet little voice that goes about thisfar from my mouth and then dies.
So I go to the counter to order something… “Hi, I’d like a sesame bagel with veggie cream cheese, and an everything bagel with…”
Deli counter person turns their back to me and starts making what I’ve ordered to far.
I don’t know whether to keep speaking or not. I don’t know whether he can still hear me. I don’t know whether or not it would be rude to raise my voice.
I hate the necessity of making small talk at the barber, but I’m pretty much used to it. But when I’m still waiting for my haircut and there’s a conversation between the barber and the current customer, I feel uncomfortable joining in, like it’s their own private conversation and I’m caught eavesdropping.
Calling someone I don’t know, to make an appointment to get something fixed. In German, which is not my native language. And the person I am talking to probably speaks mostly a dialect of German which does not match the “proper” German I use.
And I tend to miss the person’s name, so I’m not able to repeat it back, unless I ask them their name again.
Add to all this, I’ll do this at my desk where there are native speakers around me, and at least one of them will be happy* to tell me my mistakes after I get off the phone.
I have actually asked my coworkers to correct me, but to limit it to once per person, per day, so neither of us get overwhelmed. It’s helpful to me, but sometimes demoralizing.
This is part of why I stopped going to barber shops about 20 years ago (I just cut my own hair at home now with an electric trimmer and guards of various lengths).
The other part is when they always started by asking “OK, how do you want it cut?” I don’t fuckin’ know, I just want it shorter! I always ended up feeling like a dumbass about hair and a dumbass about smalltalk between me and a total stranger with whom I have absolutely nothing in common and whom I’m unlikely to ever see again. Happy to leave all that nonsense behind.
I am a little hard of hearing, or understanding, or something. If we’re talking in a loud environment, or the person has a thick accent, I have to as them to repeat themselves a thousand times.
Also I have trouble listening to people if they talk for more than 10 seconds at a time. My brain registers it as likely being a boring monologue, and tunes it out. But I have some autistic co-workers who talk like that all the time, so I struggle to keep up.
I hate going to Subway for this reason. They have a picture menu of sandwiches.
*Me: * “#7 looks tasty, I’ll have one of those.” Sandwich Artist: “What do you want on it?” Me: “I dunno, whatever goes on #7? You’re the one who went to Sandwich Art School, not me.”
So then I have to tell them exactly what I think goes in a #7, which I find annoying because they should call themselves sandwich craftsmen or sandwich enthusiasts if they’re going to be like that.
I make a big show of removing my hearing aid and placing it in its little case. I like to sit with my eyes closed when my hair/beard is being cut. If the barber happens to say anything, unless it’s important, I pretend I didn’t hear.
