The number of threads appearing which are of interest to the reader is inversely proportional to the efficiency of the SDMB servers. This means that any time I see lots of threads that I want to read the hamsters are usually out to lunch and it takes a long time to bring up any of the posts that I want to read, that is, if the system doesn’t time out completely. When there are only a few topics that look good the server seems to work remarkably fast and I can’t take advantage of the opportunity while it lasts.
An error in one’s post will go completely unnoticed until after the user has pressed the Submit button. Even using Preview does not guarantee that my posts will appear error-free. While I usually catch formatting errors (such as bolding, links, etc.) in Preview, my typos, double words, omitted words, etc. still manage to slip through.
A user’s decision not to use Preview just once, out of complacency that his/her post is presumed to be formatted correctly, will invariably result in the most embarrassing error he or she has ever made on the board. I swear by Preview and I know that if I stray from it even once something totally screwy will end up on the board were the Teeming Millions will all see it.
So, does anyone have any other Murphy’s Laws that apply to the SDMB?
Composing a lengthy and/or complex post while at work is a sure way to get your boss to drop by. Especially if it is not a scheduled break time and the reason he’s there is to check on the status of the vital project you’re supposed to be working on.
** The “Submit Reply” button will not work only when you have composed the ultimate post of all time, sure to guarantee you Dope Sainthood. ** The the hamsters will eat the post, and you will never get it back or be able to do it again.
The inspired thread that you start has already been done to death, and links will be posted immediately directing you to the earlier, more lucid and entertaining version. I’ve avoided this once or twice by doing a search… and here I thought I was so original.
The person on whom you have lavished your devastating wit with the most brilliant Pit post of your Doper career will have left the thread permanently just before you post. You will never be acknowledged by him/her. And nobody else in the thread will know what you are talking about.
When you go back a week later to see if your target ever returned, you won’t know what you were talking about. Angry posts never make as much sense upon cool review as you thought they did when you were hot under the collar.
None of this is from personal experience, of course.
**The incisiveness/applicability/thoughtfulness of your post is inversely proportional to the comments generated by it. ** My more serious posts almost always seem to get ignored by everyone, while my less-than-serious posts get responses. Actually, this probably only applies to me.
Any long and well thought out post will disappear once you hit the submit button It’s happened to me many times, so now I keep them short and usually stupid.
**The chances of a buttered post falling to the carpet butter side down is inversely proportional to the cost of the carpet…**Oops, sorry, wrong hamster…
** The ONE time you post something that might maybe be offensive to some Dopers, every Moderator and Administrator will be checking posts, and out for blood **
Whenever a thread is started to memorialize a deceased famous person, someone will invariably pop into the thread to remind the bereaved that people die every day, so the politician/rock star/actor/business founder isn’t that special.
The only time I know the answer to a question is when the hamsters are off their meds, and fifteen posters beat me to the answer before my post goes through. Invariably, this makes me not only look redundant, but also like I didn’t even bother reading the other posts.
You will come up with the perfect reply to a post immediately after shutting down your computer and going to bed, going to work, or going off to have a hot bath.
No, I’m not dripping on the keyboard right now. Why do you ask?
Any long, well-thought out reply that you post will be the “thread killer.”. The prose that resulted from an hour of wordsmithing will be the last message that will ever appear in the thread, and you won’t experience the pleasure that comes from seeing your message quoted by others.
Your response to a new post will always be beaten by a few seconds. While it takes you ten minutes to compose a reply to a new post, it takes the other Doper eight minutes to compose a message saying the exact same thing. Their message, appearing just above yours, gets the kudos. Your post gets ignored.
Elegant, well thought out, reasonable solutions to societies problems are doomed!
That is because you will misspell one word in your post and everybody will concentrate on the bad spelling and ignore your working formula for cold fusion, workable plan to bring social equality to all races and religions, Nobel prize worthy plan to bring about peace in the Middle East and end terrorism.
Any thread asking for lists or opinions is downloaded using a specialized, high pitch brain drain frequency
Everytime there’s a thread like “What commercials do you hate/recommend some good music/who’s your favorite actor/actress/artist/whatever,” the second I get down to the reply box, my brain goes completely numb. Judy Tenuna…that’s who I tried to talk about yesturday, and I knew her name before I entered the post, but for the life of me, couldn’t remember a damn thing when it came time to type it.
No matter how thorough you are in your search on a topic; no matter how many different words you will think of that the topic could probably be referenced by, you will miss the most important key word. So when you post your wholly original and completely brilliant missive that rivals the greatest philosophers in history on an issue, or you submit the most important question ever asked by the a member of the human species, you will soon discover from your fellow friendly dopers that the topic has been discussed to death in at least one 6+ page thread in which all those brilliant points were made with more eloquence and insight than your post shows.
And just to spite you, upon trying the search again, even with identical keywords as before, this newly discovered thread will suddenly appear as if it was always there, mocking you mercilessly (well, at least as much as a thread can mock you).
The degree of your knowledge on a subject broached by the OP is inversely proportional to the chance that you will be able to respond before someone who knows nearly nothing about the subect beats you to it, and the chance that the vapidity and/or inaccuracy of that post will lead to a flamewar that will send the thread to the Pit, where the OP will never get an intelligent answer.
