Music bad enough to be considered criminal

[SSG_Schwartz]

Neil Diamond–“Forever in Blue Jeans”
Anne Murray–Snowbird
Shinedown–Simple Man (God it is painful to hear this version)

These tracks should only be played as a means of torture

[pulykamell]

I like Madonna well enough, but her version of “American Pie” ranks among the most soulless covers I’ve ever heard.

And, of course, there’s always “McArthur Park” which seems to head these sorts of lists.

[ColonelDax]

Wow, no one’s mentioned “In the Year 2525” by Zager and Evans yet? I’ll nominate Keith Carradine’s “I’m Easy” as well.

According to this Slate article, the 45 of “Seasons in the Sun” was the first record purchased by Kurt Cobain.

[twickster]

@LiveOnAPlane

I can only think of one other to add, but it does not compare to some of those already mentioned. Not bad enough to kill one’s self rather than listen to, but bad enough to be worthwhile shootin the radio with your .45: “Feelings.”

…

Feelings, whoa, whoa, whoa, feelings…"

WHOAH! WHOAH! STOP IT!!

One of the most memorable Gong Show episodes ever had one version after another for the whole show.

Ze earplugs! Zey do nozzing!

[pulykamell]

@ColonelDax

Wow, no one’s mentioned “In the Year 2525” by Zager and Evans yet? I’ll nominate Keith Carradine’s “I’m Easy” as well.

According to this Slate article, the 45 of “Seasons in the Sun” was the first record purchased by Kurt Cobain.

Interesting. I actually have a video of him in the recording studio with him on the drums and Grohl and guitar doing “Seasons in the Sun.” I always wondered why he picked that song.

[pulykamell]

@pulykamell

Interesting. I actually have a video of him in the recording studio with him on the drums and Grohl and guitar doing “Seasons in the Sun.” I always wondered why he picked that song.

That’s what I get for not checking the link. The exact video I’m referencing is in the article, with the correction that Grohl was on bass, and Kris on guitar.

[vl_mungo]

Anything by…

**Kenny G
John Tesh
Michael Bolton
Celine Dion
Yanni
**

'nuff said.

[Mr.Blue_Sky]

@vl_mungo

Anything by…

**Kenny G
John Tesh
Michael Bolton
Celine Dion
Yanni
**

'nuff said.

AKA The Soundtrack of Hell.

[zagloba]

“I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates
And you’ve got a brand new key”

[commasense]

How can this thread possibly have gotten to post #50 without a mention of Dave Barry’s bad song survey from several years back, nor any of the top three songs from his list?

Originally posted by Dave Barry
But now for our survey results. Without question, the voters’ choice for Worst Song - in both the Worst Overall AND Worst Lyrics category - is… (drum roll …)

“MacArthur Park,” as sung by Richard Harris, and later remade, for no comprehensible reason, by Donna Summer.

It’s hard to argue with this selection. My 12-year-old son Rob was going through a pile of ballots, and he asked me how “MacArthur Park” goes, so I sang it, giving it my best shot, and Rob laughed so hard that when I got to the part about leaving the cake out in the rain, and it took so long to bake it, and I’ll never have that recipe again, Rob was on the floor. He didn’t BELIEVE those lyrics were real. He was SURE his wacky old humor-columnist dad was making them up.

The clear runner-up, again in both categories, is “Yummy Yummy Yummy (I Got Love in My Tummy),” performed by Ohio Express. (A voter sent me an even WORSE version of this, performed by actress Julie London, who at one time - and don’t tell me this is mere coincidence - was married to Jack Webb.)

Coming in a strong third is “(You’re) Having My Baby” by Paul Anka. This song is deeply hated. As one voter put it: “It has no redeeming value whatsoever - except my friend Brian yelled out during the birth scene in the sequel to THE FLY in full song, ‘Having my maggot!’”

This last is the one I came here to mention. I hate that song!

[pulykamell]

@commasense

How can this thread possibly have gotten to post #50 without a mention of Dave Barry’s bad song survey from several years back, nor any of the top three songs from his list?

cough

@pulykamell

And, of course, there’s always “McArthur Park” which seems to head these sorts of lists.

[commasense]

Sorry, I searched the thread for “MacArthur Park.” Well, done (except for the spelling), pulykamell.

[BMax]

@ColonelDax

Wow, no one’s mentioned “In the Year 2525” by Zager and Evans yet? I’ll nominate Keith Carradine’s “I’m Easy” as well.

According to this Slate article, the 45 of “Seasons in the Sun” was the first record purchased by Kurt Cobain.

In Kurt’s defense, he was only 5 or 6 when the song was first released.

[koeeoaddi]

I was just going to add the odious Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond duet You Don’t Bring Me Flowers, but I’m thinking to myself, when was I last heard it? Maybe 25 years ago? In fact, how often do any of us have to put up with Watching Scotty Grow? How often have we been forced to listen repeatedly to Yummy Yummy Yummy? Even the wretched Having My Baby can be deftly avoided, probably for an entire lifetime, with very little effort.

I’m fully aware that I am koeeoaddi, HolidayMusicKvetchingCrank™, but, for me, it’s the only music that approaches true criminality. That can’t-turn-it-off, corporately enforced, repetitious, seasonal dreck.* All of it. Forever and ever. Amen.

Throw the motherf*cking book at it.

*Yeah, yeah, okay, I won’t bring it up again…until next November.

[Telperien]

“Don’t Take the Girl,” by Tim McGraw. My relatives all think I’m crazy for hating it, which tells you all you’ll ever need to know about them and their musical taste.

And “Brandy,” by I forget whom. Dude who’s married to the sea or somesuch. Hate hate hate.

Incidentally, if you can listen to the entirety of Robert Wyatt’s “The Duchess,” you are a better person than I. Well, maybe not better, but certainly more tolerant of pain. I didn’t think it could be as bad as I was told. Two minutes later, I sat corrected.

[Runs_With_Scissors]

I was going to suggest Yoko Ono, but maybe that can’t be considered music.

[Othersider]

@Harimad-sol

“Don’t Take the Girl,” by Tim McGraw. My relatives all think I’m crazy for hating it, which tells you all you’ll ever need to know about them and their musical taste.

I don’t think I could agree more. The song, in and of itself, isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever heard (though it is pretty bad), but hearing the words makes me want to kill myself.

@Harimad-sol

And “Brandy,” by I forget whom. Dude who’s married to the sea or somesuch. Hate hate hate.

Perhaps you’re referring to Looking Glass.
And I personally would like to nominate The Arky Girl by Miranda July for this dubious distinction, which I discovered when having this conversation on another board. Gah. :smack:

[Annie-Xmas]

Partridge Family anyone?

I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
A love there is no cure for…

[Mr.Blue_Sky]

@Annie-Xmas

Partridge Family anyone?

I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
A love there is no cure for…

This is practically Shakepearean compared to the likes of:

“Get down
Boogie oogie oogie…”

[Quiddity_Glomfuster]

(You’re) Having My Baby" by Paul Anka. This song is deeply hated.

Oh yes. Hate, loathe, and despise. Some of the others mentioned are ones I dislike, but I hate that hideous thing. Following closely on its heels ‘Craaayin’ by Orbison and ‘When will ah be luhved’ by Ronstadt. To the first - I expect hounds to wail begging the yowling to be stopped. To the second - I’m fairly sure there are more words in the English language than those four.

And to every countrah singer: it’s ‘I’ as in eye or aye, not ‘ah!’ :mad: I intensely dislike twangy singing. Yeeech. Another reason I’m glad I’m no longer in Calgary. Country music muzak - aiiiiieeeeee.