I have Panic Disorder, and there are certain places and situations which cause my heart to race and my blood pressure to shoot up. There’s generally no rhyme or reason to them. One of these odd places/situations is my bed when I’m trying to get to sleep. It doesn’t happen when I’m sleeping at someone else’s house, and it doesn’t happen if I’m reading, playing a game on my Palm, masturbating, having sex or doing anything else in my bed other than lying down with the specific intention of going to sleep. It also–and this is important–gets worse if I focus on my breathing in this situation. I can’t explain it, but that’s how it works: I notice I’m breathing too deeply, I can’t seem to breathe at a natural pace, then my heart starts racing because I’m freaking out about my breathing, which gets faster as a result, etc., through the vicious cycle. My therapist recommended transcendental meditation as a way of calming myself down so I can drift off to dreamland, and so far, when it works, it works beautifully.
I do intend to use it to actually, you know, transcend, one of these days–but for now, I can only tap that well once or twice a day. With my anxiety meds, I have to take a little siesta every day if I hope to make it through the day without being too drowsy to focus on anything.
Anyway, I tried the classic “aum” thing, but for some reason I can’t “make myself hear” it in my head without breathing it out too, which just makes me breathe faster and pay more attention to my breathing, so that’s a no-go. So far, the thing that’s worked best is to put on some gentle chill-out music or trad jazz and remind myself to focus on nothing but the music.
But I need more workable music for reaching a transcendental state. I got A Love Supreme by John Coltrane, knowing it’s supposed to be a very spiritual album, and so far it’s been disappointing me in that regard–seems to be more of a trance/CEV thing than a transcendental thing. Even the album cut of “Acknowledgment” is too “active” to meditate to, and I was rather disappointed that it didn’t have the overdub of Coltrane softly chanting “a love supreme…a love supreme…a love supreme…”
Anyway, if anyone’s had success doing TM to music, or knows of any particular albums that seem like they would be good for it, let me know. I’m open to any genre.