Musing: why do people think someone "chooses" to be gay (or straight)?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
101

Because one requires (for people who are fully homosexual) no romantic/sexual connection at all, while the other includes a romantic/sexual connection (the person you’re already married to).

Yes, it’s entirely different, because you are with your wife, who you are (presumably) attracted to and have a romantic connection with. That’s entirely different than suggesting that people who are 100% homosexual shouldn’t have any chance at a romantic and sexual connection with someone they are attracted to.

This is just ridiculous. If I don’t eat, I get hungry. When I eat, my hunger is (temporarily) satiated. The same goes, in general, for libido, when it’s with someone I have a romantic connection and attraction to. At least in my experience (and every other human I’ve ever discussed sex and libido with).

102

The thing you should think about, Urbanredneck, is this: what if your attraction to women was considered sinful and disgusting, and the only acceptable romance and sexuality in your culture/society was to be with a man? Would there be any possibility that you could lead a happy and fulfilled life under that restriction?

103

I’ve been a straight male all my life. I’ve been attracted to women as long as I can remember. I’ve never fantasied about having sex with a man. It came as quite a shock to me when one of my male friends stated that he though that everyone was a little gay and somewhere out in the world there is someone of your own sex you would be attracted to. That isn’t my experience. But he may be correct that the number of people who are bisexual or who have bisexual tendencies is much greater than we assume. I’ve always equated sexual orientation to tastes in food. I can’t stand the taste of liver, some people love it. It would be odd for me to “choose” to eat liver, it would be odd for someone who love’s it to avoid it. The point is that everyone experiences the world around them differently, and it is the height of arrogance to assume that what works for you, works for them. Is sexuality a choice? Does it matter?

104

a) All of the above arguments could be made about heterosexuality (reversing the polarity of the arguments where necessary).

b) I could definitely make a genuine, non-satirical case for heterosexuality being sinful, being a social wrong.

c) having said all that, I’ll also say that people having a kneejerk reaction to the embrace of “choice” by folks who want to ban or condemn gay and lesbian sexual behaviors, by emphatically claiming that it’s not a choice, really need to read Annie-Xmas and other people who’ve made a similar point, and think about the perspective they’re espousing.

105

Well, you know, fine folks like yourself have tried literally torturing gay people until they turn straight, and it turns out it doesn’t work. So, that’s a pretty strong argument that, for the majority of people, orientation is not mutable.

Yes, it is, in fact, completely different. For one thing - and this absolutely cannot be repeated enough - being gay doesn’t harm anyone. Before you got married, you at least had a shot at being in a loving relationship. Unmarried gay people, under your moral system, are not allowed that option at all - they only get to be lonely. And, of course, if your relationship with your wife breaks down, you have the option of divorce and re-marriage.

So, really, these are two entirely dissimilar situations. As should have been obvious to anyone who spent at least thirty seconds thinking about it.

And in the field of things I did not expect to have to explain to someone today, we have this entry:

Pornography doesn’t turn people gay.

106

What kind of response do you think I should give you? Which do you want me to have?

  1. Oh yeah. I never thought of it that way.

  2. No, that is impossible.

  3. I guess I’d just be lonely.

107

There are plenty of lonely heterosexuals out there. In fact, there are communities of men who have such poor luck with women that they have basically sworn off trying to have a relationship with them (e.g. MGTOW). Those men seem pretty unhappy with the results of trying to have a heterosexual relationship. Maybe they should consider a homosexual one. They could turn to someone else in their community who is also single and lonely and perhaps find happiness with a same-sex relationship that they couldn’t find with an opposite-sex one.

108

What’s your honest answer? That’s the answer I want, even if it’s 4. I don’t care about gay people.

If your wife was a closeted lesbian, and every time when she’s been with you, she’s been miserable and unfulfilled, is that fair to her? Is it fair to you? Wouldn’t you want her to be happy?

109

heres something to think about that was brought up in the MMP :

When swapbear asked what she means by gay tax heres the response :

I refrained from comment because I don’t think you can turn it off and on like that I wanted to say unkind things about the parentage

110

I was hoping for an honest and thoughtful answer.

111

As Meatloaf told us all those years ago, “One Out of Two Ain’t Bad.”

112

A long time ago the tag line of a cigarette ad was “what do you want, good grammar or good taste.” (The cigarette’s slogan was ungrammatical.)
David Steinberg, the comedian, had a special where a character said this. He asked “Couldn’t we have both.” The response was “On Madison Avenue, you’re lucky if you get either.”
I wish we were lucky here.

113

I’m pretty close to being 100% on the straight side of the spectrum. Being that, I can understand someone being 100% on the gay side. If you are like me, why don’t you understand that just like you wouldn’t want to change, someone on the other end wouldn’t want to change either. Why should they?

Could you learn to love a man like you love your wife?

Charles Beaumont had a story called “The Crooked Man” set in a world where gayness was normal and heterosexuality was considered deviant. If you lived in such a world, and felt forced to marry a man because society and your church told you to, but still had the preference you have now, would you be happy?

If your wife was totally uninterested in sex you might feel differently.

Bull. It is not like there were no super strong sexual desires before porn became as available as it is today.

114

Maybe not, he seems to be fine with a wife who is a lesbian as long as she never acts on her desires and “learns” to be a heterosexual, so her lack of sexual fulfillment isn’t really something he seems to worry about.

115

That is a sad saga of a troubled/confused young lady and thick/insensitive parents.

I have had “girl crushes,” where I was obsessed with another girl and wanted that forever closeness that swapbear talks about. I say “girl” because I was in college (a women’s college BTW). However, sexual desire was not in the picture. I didn’t want to kiss any of these girls or get naked with them. It was more like charged connection with a twin or perfect mirror of oneself, someone who really understood you and would take away the existential aloneness. Were those lesbian inclinations of mine? I don’t know. I’ve read that physical sex sometimes takes a backseat in lesbian relationships because there’s not the testosterone present that drives sexual behavior (whereas in gay male relationships, there is testosterone X 2). Did I just lob a grenade into this discussion? I wonder.

Regarding these comments of yours to Urbanredneck, I’ll pose to you the same questions he posed to me:

It seems pointless to me to try to convince him, but YMMV.

116

Not convincing - more placing oneself in the shoes of another. So it is less “what if you were gay” and more “how would it feel if someone had as intense feelings as you but in the other direction.”
That’s what the Beaumont story is all about.

117

I once had a friend whose answer was something like, “They’re just trying to be contrary and rebelling for the sake of rebellion.” My counter argument of, “that still doesn’t make any sense,” failed to convince him. FWIW, this was also a guy who, while drinking hard liquor, claimed that smoking pot was a sin.

118

The point of this was the OP wanted opinions and I gave her mine. It wasnt to start an argument.

119

I just want to say something about this. This was wrong. Nobody is changed thru hate. But love can.

120

Could “love” change you from being attracted to women to being attracted to men?