I haven’t read the rest of the thread due to time issues, so forgive me if any of this stuff has been brought up.
Go to your local big-box drugstore. They sell drug tests. Test his urine ASAP. Pot stays in the system up to 30 days, but other stuff goes away in 2-3 days, so it might be too late for it. If the test is negative, go all Mama Bear. If it’s not, you know what you’re dealing with.
In all of this, did the kid say WHO he got the cigarette from? Did the school even seem to care? Did he tell you? Did he give a description of the kid to you or the authorities if he didn’t know his name?
Unfortunately, it’s perfectly okay for them to not call you or inform you that they’re interrogating your kid. I’m a juvenile defense attorney, and if I had a dollar for every time I had a parent outraged that the cops/school talked to their kid without their knowledge or permission, I could probably retire.
In regard to the immediate problem with the interrogation, etc… It doesn’t matter what syndrome your son may or may not have, whether it’s Asperger’s or something else. You said he is on an IEP. What state do you live in? Where I live there are regulations about what kind of consequences can be imposed on a student with a disability. The whole thing about the “alternative school” sounds fishy to me. One incident of sleeping in class does not justify an outplacement. Federal law says the student has to be places in the “least restrictive environment,” which means an outplacement is the last resort. Maybe there’s more history to this than has been stated in the OP, but if not, then the school is bluffing you.
I think you are on the right track in seeing the neurologist and getting some kind of diagnosis. How accurate it is at this point isn’t really the issue. The issue is establishing that he has a disability and in getting the school to accommodate his disability. It sounds like you are already partway down that path because he is on an IEP. So the school must already have acknowledged that he has some kind of disability.
Are you sure the “alternative school” they are referring to is a school for behavior problems? There are many different kinds of outplacements.
Do you think contacting the school psychologist who spoke with you 2 years ago would be helpful? Do you think she might be on your side?
I think it’s premature to get a lawyer but you should keep that idea in the back of your mind in case things come to a boil (i.e. if the police get more involved or the school takes concrete steps to outplace your son and you disagree with them).
Generally speaking, no. Remember, these support groups are made of parents who have been right where you are now. They all know the stress that comes in that time period between suspecting your child might have a medical problem and getting a diagnosis from a doctor, in a way that parents who haven’t been there just can’t quite grok.
Many support groups have volunteers, people who have given their permission, for people like you to call them and just talk. You may have “what if” or diagnosis questions they can answer, sure, but you might just need an ear to spill your guts to, and they’re happy to help with that, too. Even if he turns out not to have Asperger’s…Believe me, they’d be only slightly less ecstatic that you to find out that your son isn’t ill after all!
I don’t know how I would have gotten through our time in the NICU if it weren’t for other parents who had been through the same thing. Please, go ahead and call.
On edit I see WhyNot has already answered this very nicely. However, They are support groups. Tell 'em where you are at. They’ll help you through the diagnosis process. At least they did for me. and they can certainly help you with experiences in your school district - and I would highly recommend that instead of listening to internet wags such as myself on the “preferred” approach for dealing with the school.
That said, I do know that for my school district there was never any doubt that China Bambina would be in the special needs class. And once the official autism diagnosis came, that was actually a relief, because it was easier for the district to justify getting the maximum resources for her. (We are a special case as China Bambina was born and raised in China, and we started the formal testing process that ended in the autism diagnosis in June this year.)
We start homeschooling tomorrow: we are going to withdraw both of our children from public school. Do you know if that’s possible in all 50 states? I would like to keep them in band if at all possible, but have a tutor lined up to keep them up on their trombone lessons.
I had the same situation as the OP, as our daughter was ambushed by school staff. But she’s 11, an A-B honor roll student, and was suddenly being pulled out of class four times a day to test her blood glucose. She’s losing so much class time for something that she was handling in class: she’s stressed and being singled out. We’ve decided that homeschooling is the best option for both of them.
missed the edit window. don’t be bashful asking for help or sending an SOS email out to the AS/autism parent support group email alias. Something along the lines of: Help, My son is being tested for AS and I’m having a crisis with the xx School District. Chances are you’ll have a very helpful reply fast.
Let’s just say the first time I did this I broke down sobbing in my office when the offers for help started pouring in from random strangers with nothing in common except at least one child on the spectrum. It helps when this shit gets overwhelming, which I’m sure you know is a lot.
On point # 1, I had no idea I could get a drug test from a big-box store, duh! And yes, I want him tested to see if what the real deal is. Either way, I will need to act accordingly.
2 - yes, I know who it is, and the school says that doesn’t matter because they didn’t catch him, they caught mine. Right now, I am more concerned about my own kid and told him he better not get within 20 feet of said kid. The school doesn’t seem to care, because my son admitted it, he confessed, the other kid didn’t, so nothing else matters.
3 - Ugh… I feel defeated already. I appreciate it, though. What about lying to him, though?
I swear, there has been discipline problem with my son at all. We have had issues with zoning out, sleeping, lack of motivation, not answering when spoken to, but he has never, ever lashed out at another kid or disrupted class. And yes, they are talking alternative school because his admission of smoking pot is a level 3 violation and that warrants short term expulsion and reccommendation for alternative school. The alternative schools here are complete shit, and I mean it. I live in Georgia. Yes he has an IEP for ADD. They were shoving so many papers at me while I was there on Thursday…one of them was his IEP and the principal said that this lethargic behavior was not due to his learning disabilty, BUT that if he had done something like, say…oh I dunno, bashed another kid in the face, then they could say that WAS due to his ADD. They wanted me to sign a form about it, and I refused. I told them I couldn’t thinkclearly right now. I am going to question tomorrow about you can put a kid with an IEP in that chaotic alt school. I doesn’t make sense to me, either.
The school psychologist from two years ago no longer is employed by this county. Probably because it is really effed up.
Yes, I am sure about the alt school. I have been told so far that I have no other choice than the one they are telling me he has to go to. It is miles and miles away in a really seedy part of town.
I know one incidence of sleeping in class shouldn’t bring down this kind of wrath. He has had several incidences of sleeping this semester, but again, it is really no longer about that to them, it is about the fact that he confessed to smoking something.
Ugh, my response above is messed up and I waited too long to edit… It should say that there have been NO discipline problems. And to clarify, he has an IEP for ADD, but it is a misdiagnosis that I just left alone because it hasn’t been effective or helped him, anyway. I am regretting not getting it changed because that would have helped us greatly in this pickle we are in now.
I did some legwork for you as I know how tough it can be some days to get started: Georgia based support groups with phone numbers. http://www.cadef.org/resources/georgia_aspergers_support_groups
Georgia Support Groups for
Families and/or Individuals with Asperger’s
Emory Autism Center
Family Support Program and Parent Meetings
Toni Thomas
(404) 727-8350
General Parent Organizations for Children with Special Needs
Parent to Parent of Georgia
(800) 229-2038
(770) 451-5484
Parents Educating Parents and
Professionals for All Children (PEPPAC)
(770) 577-7771
Georgia Parent Support Network
(404) 756-0187
(800) 832-8645
Families of Children Under Stress (FOCUS)
(770) 234-9111
Forsyth County
North Georgia Autism Center, Inc.
Annalie Celzo
(770) 844-8624
10 suggestions you should do after
receiving a diagnosis of
Aspergers Syndrome
Take a deep breath, and relax.
Learn: find out as much as you can about Aspergers Syndrome.
Knowledge is power. Start with Tony Attwood’s book. Start here or
here
Find a good pediatrician who knows about and has experience
with Aspergers Syndrome.
Contact your son or daughter’s school. If the school is unaware of
AS but willing to learn and work with you bombard them with
information. If they seem unwilling to be co-operative, consider all
of your options. You are your child’s advocate and protector, be
assertive with the school but not aggressive. Start here or here
Find a support group. The value of being able to talk to other
parents about the situation without feeling dumb can not be
over-estimated. You are not alone although it may seem that way
when your child is the only diagnosed child in the school. Start here
or here
Consider using a mentor or an advocate to help you obtain
services for your child at school. You cannot do it alone, as a parent
you are automatically disqualified from giving an expert opinion
even if you are one.
Apply for Medicaid waivers that you are eligible or may be
eligible to receive and discuss options with your family physician.
Investigate respite care.
Contact your local Autism Association and see what services they
can provide Start here
Get the whole family involved. You cannot do it
all alone.
Homeschooling is legal in all 50 states, but the requirements differ. Some require that you provide standardized testing and submit the results to the school or state, some require that parents who are homeschooling be licensed teachers, some require home visits by an educational representative, some require you to submit lesson plans or curriculum to the state, some require only notification of the school district that you’re homeschooling, and some require nothing at all.
Sorry for the miscommunication: totally my fault. I was asking if it woulf be possible to continue using public school resources in all 50 states. I found out last night that, in my particular state, the answer is no. So the tutor will come into play for the trombone lessons.
I just spent about $7,000 for a CRIMINAL ATTORNEY to defend my 11 year old son because of FELONY charges pressed by the campus cop that resulted from an interrogation in the absence of a lawyer or even his parents. What’d the kid do? The school performed an authorized search of his back pack and found a screwdriver bit (about 1.5 inches long). The felony charge: carrying a deadly weapon on school grounds. After the expulsion and the work done by the attoney the charge was dropped–the item was not determined deadly or even a weapon, and the boy had stated no intent to use it to inflict harm–until the interrogation had gotten him so pissed off he was ready to tell the cop anything to just let him out of the room. But that was money we needed for ongoing psych appointments and an inpatient evaluation at Children’s Hospital we had been planning for after the school year. Oh, and the arrest came almost 2 months after the incident. OP’s kid is NOT out of the woods yet.
I suggest you quit talking out of your ass and get yourself a mentally ill kid so you can understand what they and their parents go through. People like you simply don’t get it.
This bears repeating, even if you don’t actually spring for the retainer, get a consult so you have a defense on notice. As I indicated upthread, we though we were done with the incident after the expulsion (we had planned on changing schools anyway). But 2 months later the cops showed up with a warrant–they thought they were shopping for a regular 11 year old and they were going to house him in Juvie for a week or so while he waited for his first appearance hearing, they didn’t realize they were looking for a bipolar-1 kid in the midst of a med adjustment and currently enrolled for inpatient psych treatment. Here’s my point: But for his admission into the hospital we would have had only a few days to scrounge up an attorney. The DA insisted we didn’t need one for first appearance, turns out we did.
And I suggest you tone it down a bit in MPSIMS, but that’s just my opinion. Or should I have read you your Miranda rights before saying that?
What happened to your kid sucks, and was out of line, I agree. Of course, the charges were eventually dropped, so it seems like even an overstepping of authority worked out in the end.
Also of course, the OP’s kid hasn’t been arrested or charged with anything. If she comes back and says that’s the case, then maybe your anecdote will have some relevance.
I also don’t get this rash of people who expect to be present when their kids get talked to by a principal in school. If the school required that, I suspect we’d then see a flood of threads about how “I can’t get time off of work, why does this idiot school expect me to come down and sit in a room while the principal tells my kid not to throw a spitball!”
Shaddap. I didn’t attack you or call you names, I just made an observation: That your position was in complete ignorance and that your opinions, while yours, do not mesh with reality. I suggest you get off your high horse when you don’t have a clue what you’re on about.
Know what I don’t get? People who ignore salient points such as: The Cops Were Present During A Confession To A Misdemeanor and then go on about parents demanding to be present for a simple interview with a principal. There is a huge difference between these two scenarios, and to spout drivel the way you’re doing only demonstrates that you don’t have a clue what that difference might be.
You are, therefore, ignorant and should attempt to learn rather than defend your ignorance.
Let me try this again…
Sulamith,
I’m sorry for what you are going through. Welcome to the hell that is our school system. First of all, the school does not need a parent present if they have a “resource officer” there along with the principal. That’s just how it is. Take Inigo’s advice and have an attorney in mind and aware of the situation. It can turn very quickly on you.
Another thing you need to know is that a diagnosis will not make any difference in criminal court, so if they charge your son with something, they don’t care if he is AS or not. The AS diagnosis will only help you in terms of lenience with the school. Once the cops are involved with a criminal matter it is a whole different war that you have to fight.
Garfield, the school dropped the charge with Inigo’s son, not the courts. The justice system screwed him over royally, even with a great defense attorney. They cornered us into taking a reduced charge, forcing him to plead guilty to another charge. I will not go into details. The boy is now 12 and is still on probation, with an AS diagnosis. It is very true that if you have not been through this, you cannot possibly begin to understand. We didn’t understand until we went through it too. No one tells you what you need to know, you show up in court, they won’t hear you out, and you get screwed. As you can imagine, Inigo is a little touchy on the subject, especially when ignorance rears its ugly head, because no one knows how bad the issue really is, and we don’t know how to fix it.
I hope it turns out for you, but this “somebody passed it to me and I didn’t know what it was” excuse sounds exactly like the sort of lame horseshit story I might have concocted to try to sway my parents if I’d gotten busted smoking pot as a teenager. See also “I was just holding it for someone else!”