My daughter and I are looking for advice on what to do about the eating habits of my grandson.
He will be 3 in February. He is driving us nuts. He refuses to try anything new.
He will eat hot dogs, french fries, pancakes and macaroni and cheese. That’s pretty much it. My daughter is only allowing him one bottle at bedtime now, so he’s not getting as much milk and we can hear his stomach growling, but he refuses to even try whatever’s on the menu.
I don’t know if it matters, but he is adopted and there was meth in his system at birth.
I understand that he went through a three day detox. Also, he’s a very fitful sleeper and almost never sleeps through the night. He seems perfectly healthy with tons of energy and he’s beautiful and happy and I adore him. But I want him to eat something!
Anyway his 4 year old sister is watching this and now she’s refusing to eat too.
I can’t comment on the meth issues, but picky eating can be a age thing, or a control thing. The best advice I’ve heard is that you decide what’s available to eat, but it’s up to them to decide how much they eat, so you don’t end up in power games. Also make sure that eating is a really nice social thing - everyone in the family sitting down together, lots of discussion and fun, and a wide range of things to try - or refuse if he wants, with no repercussions. You want him to have a positive association with food, and good role models showing the fun of trying lots of different things.
Get him involved in buying and preparing food, so he’s curious about what things are, and proud of helping.
Then I’d also vegie-hide - making sure that everything he does eat has as much nutrition as possible.
It could also be that you’re overjudging his capability to eat - I recall that both of my kids slowed down a lot in terms of appetites around 2-3 - just didn’t need as much food.
It’s been a few years since I had a child in that age range, but when I did I used to say “90% of parenting is marketing.” Plus, reverse psychology works pretty well with little kids. Here are some strategies that worked for us:
We used to conspiratorially prepare what we called “sneaky carrots.” The idea behind SC was he was supposed to take a healthy snack to pre-school, and carrot sticks fit the bill. But we cheated and soaked them in 7-Up overnight, giving invisible taste enhancement. The reality is that this doesn’t mean your child is ingesting much in the way of extra sugar - but they love the idea of putting one over on somebody! To this day, my son (now 18) absolutely loves raw carrots (without needing any 7-Up marination).
Reverse psychology: Try telling him he can’t have all the “good stuff” because you want it for yourself, then doubtfully agree that maybe he can have just a little. Or perhaps give the good stuff to a favorite toy. We had a small stuffed moose that sat at the dining table with our son. The moose wanted all the food; sometimes we had to work quite hard to be sure that our son was the one who got it, instead of the moose
If your goal is just to get nutrition down him, rather than worrying about developing a taste for vegetables and the like, a lot of nutrition (in the form of veggies chopped into tiny pieces) can be slipped into things like lasagna or soup. I used to make bread and muffins loaded with soy powder, brewer’s yeast, whole wheat flour, and other healthy additives; they don’t affect the taste (except in a good way), but they add lots of nutrition. Almost any vegetable can be steamed, then pureed with a flavorful broth, a touch of cream, and salt/pepper/herbs to make a delicious easy-to-swallow soup with plenty of vitamins.
We have an only child so this is not speaking from personal experience, but … have you tried enlisting the 4-year-old to help manage the eating of the 2-year old? Take her aside and consult with her - “little Johnny’s not eating anything but hot dogs. You know him well, what do you think we should do? Do you think he’d try chicken soup if he saw YOU eating it?” This might help with the fact that the older sister is starting to emulate her younger brother.
That’s all I got, except to say that I think 2 is a little young for many of the above suggestions to work well, unless he’s particularly verbal. If memory serves, don’t kids usually go through an extremely picky phase around that age? If so, you might want to not worry about it much for now, just patiently keep trying to introduce a more varied diet without letting it turn into a battle. (And of course he should see the adults around him actively enjoying a range of healthy foods.) Once he’s a little older strategies like the ones above might work better.
If he’s really hungry, he’ll eat. As for the limited palate, it’s not worth fighting over. You can try talking about things you really like or even eating them in front of him and that may work. Or talk about favorite foods from when you were a child. But don’t be surprised if none of it works.
We have a rule similar to Girl From Mars–our daughter doesn’t have to eat a lot if she doesn’t like it, but she does have to eat a few bites.
Please talk to your pediatrician. It may not be a power game. My son is autistic (note: I am NOT saying that your grandson is. NOT saying that.) Picky eating can have a lot of causes other than simply him tussling with you. Get a second opinion about whether to be concerned. Your Dr. may say, “He’ll eat more when he grows. Continue to offer him other choices and don’t worry.” Or he may say, “I’d like you to talk to this dietician.” Or he may say, “Let’s talk about some other things your grandson is doing and get a more complete picture.”
In any case, the only way to know if there’s anything at all to worry about is to talk to your doctor.
ETA: A friend’s daughter ate essentially only strawberry pop tarts for a year (under the table usually), so kids this age can often just be a little quirky.
They could have him screened for Sensory Processing Disorder, particularly in light of his history. That’s more of an umbrella term than an actual diagnosis, but it might help to determine whether there’s anything broader going on.
Ultimately, there’s probably not much you can do but wait for his tastes to change. You might try to get him just to touch the new foods with his tongue, without having to eat it. Also, you might try offering him a little bit of new food out of context, away from the table – while walking together, for instance.
If a child really would rather starve than eat, which does occasionally happen, there are other issues going on. OP, have you tried Pediasure or some other similar supplementation, and if so, would he drink that?
From the limited amount of this I’ve seen with co-workers who have chronically picky kids there is no “fix”. It’s a years long slog and over time their palates often expand considerably but many will never be “normal” eaters in the sense of being adventurous about trying new things even as adults. The parents eventually become worn down and just try to make sure the kid gets enough nutrition within the limits of what they will eat.
It does make going out to restaurants a huge PITA sometimes especially for parents who want to give their kids new experiences.
I do think you should take the bottle away. 3 is bit old for that.
RE “hot dogs, french fries, pancakes and macaroni and cheese.”
It’s weird how often mac and cheese and french fries are among the things picky kids will eat.
Water at bedtime, get all of the hot dogs, pancakes, mac and cheese, and french fries out of the house. Make a healthy meal, let the kid decide which parts of it and how much to eat. Don’t argue about food.
You’ve got to be willing to let him go to bed without eating anything. He’ll eat before he starves.
eta: I fully acknowledge that this is all much easier said than done. astro is right, it’s a constant struggle.
Not your grandson’s pediatrician but I can share with you the generic advice I give in this sort of (very common) situation, which applies to the kids who are the standard picky eaters, to the sensory defensive kids, to the spectrum kids, all. Short version - pretty much what Girl From Mars said!
Three rules to having the best crack at developing healthy nutrition habits in kids over the long term:
Offer a wide variety of healthy options.
Do not give the choice of filling up on unhealthy options.
And the hardest for most of us - after that let the child decide with no pressure and no comment. What is here is what there is. Eat, don’t eat, up to the kid. Don’t be a food fascist and don’t be a short order cook. He won’t starve. Realize that the average kid that age will eat one good meal a day on average and otherwise just pick. That means if there is a day with two good meals there will usually be one with none.
You never want to start a power battle with a child that you will lose. You do not want them realizing they can win against you so only fight the battles you will win. You cannot win this one, you cannot make him eat what you want him to eat, you will lose, do not fight that fight. At some point you may need to bluff; you want a track record behind you of never losing when you do.
If you are worried that he is not getting enough vitamins then give him a kid’s multi a day, but that is really more for you than for him. If all he is getting to choose between is real food choices, not processed crap, then he will be very very unlikely to not be getting the vitamins he needs.
If you are still worried that he is so picky that he is not getting enough calories then check with your pediatrician for a weight check to verify that he is mostly following his own curve. If his curve is thin that is fine.
Yes, to as he is older having him help cook.
And I would strongly advise my patient families get rid of the bedtime bottle! Really off the bottle by 15 months, especially at bedtime.
And I would strongly advise staying AWAY from Pediasure. Then he fills up on that as his calories for the day and is less likely to eat real food.
I did not read the OP carefully enough and did not realize he’s just 2 and half. The examples I gave of chronically picky kids are people with kids who are 4-6 years old.
Pardon my bolding, and this may be confirmation bias on my part, but I have a friend whose child fit this description. They finally found success working w/ a therapist who specifically focuses on children’s eating issues. But it was a struggle for several years and as I understand it all came back to the baby being born addicted to meth.
I’d disagree with much of this – you do NOT want to make family dinners a “constant struggle”.
Here’s a method that worked for our family, and several relatives:
Mom (once in a while Dad) makes a meal for everybody. Healthy, with several choices for vegetables, salad, etc.
But that was the only prepared meal. If the kids didn’t like that, she wouldn’t make anything else special for them. They ate that, or … fixed their own. And at that age, a peanut butter sandwich was about the extent of their meal-fixing abilities. (But that’s reasonably nutritious; they won’t starve. But it gets boring.)
But no big struggle & clash of wills over the meal – eat what’s made, or make your own. Kept mealtime a happy family time. And the kids learned on their own to try new things … and also a bit of kitchen skills. (I was astonished to run into students at college who literally couldn’t cook oatmeal or fry an egg!)
I have friends with an extremely picky 7-year old and 4-year old. They’re at their wits’ end finding something – anything – both of them will eat on a regular basis. If they find something, they both will like it for a time, then suddenly dislike it. To me it seems that the 4-year old is deliberately copying the 7-year old.
That’s what blows my friends – neither of their kids likes the typical “kid friendly” foods. They won’t eat pizza because of the tomato sauce. Can’t say I blame them. I never liked typical kids’ food either when I was their age. OTOH I was fine with mostly everything else save eggs.
I wouldn’t eat pizza as a kid, either - but it turns out I wasn’t picky, I was allergic to tomatoes. I wouldn’t eat pizza because eating it made me feel horribly sick. I wouldn’t eat spaghetti or a lot of pasta, sometimes salads (tomato based dressings), soups were hit-or-miss… So I refused a lot of “kid friendly” foods, sometimes making adults exclaim “but kids always like this!”
So, yes, sometimes it can be something medical but that’s a minority of picky eating.
Weirdly, my semi-picky son never liked any Western pasta and as a proto-grownup he still does not - he’ll dutifully swallow lassagna or spaghetti, but dislikes it. He does like ramen though - both the good Japanese stuff and the bad junk-food version.
When he was around 5, I could convince him to eat mac and cheese by adding pesto, tomatoes, and ham, and calling it “grown-up mac and cheese.” He still was not a big fan though.
Weird. Who doesn’t like mac and cheese? As comfort foods go, it’s right up there with mashed potatoes.
Adding to the chorus: if he’s checked out by a doctor and doesn’t have a medical reason, then the only way to win is not to play the game.
It might help to learn that 2 year olds really don’t need a lot of food. They need far less food at 2 than they did at 1, actually. Their growth rate drops precipitously, so they don’t need a lot of protein to build new muscle, or fat to build new brain. They need some, of course, but those things grow a lot more during the first 2 years than between 2 and 3. What they do need is carbs. Carbs carbs carbs. They’re like little carb loading marathon runners right now. They need fuel. Which is why even kids given nothing but healthy options tend to have a high carb diet at 2, and why kids given less healthy options will try to exist on nothing but french fries and mac and cheese.
There’s also likely a good evolutionary reason why newly independent kids are “picky eaters.” If CaveBaby wandered off from CaveMama and put every new shiny berry and leaf in his mouth, he’d quite likely poison himself and not make it to 3. So don’t take it personally. This selective eating strategy is what allowed his great great great great grandfather to survive.
I’d like to say he’ll get over it - statistically, most people do - but there are even adults who are very selective eaters. They survive. Give him only real food options to pick from, and he will too.
What DSeid says. Basically, ignore it. Don’t mention it, pay no attention to what he eats or doesn’t eat, talk about something else at mealtime. If he complains, respond in a pleasant voice “this is what we’re having. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to.” And then if he persists, shake your head without making eye contact.
My granddaughter is a very picky eater. When she was growing up, she seemed to live on peanut butter sandwiches. When she was about 5 we were on a cruise together and my son asked the waiter for peanut butter for her. He brought some and she had a meltdown because it was the wrong brand. Later at restaurants, her meal was invariably a grilled cheese sandwich and fries. Her pickiness interfered significantly with her social life (e.g. no sleepovers). She is about to turn 20 and is a sophomore in college and is still an incredibly picky eater. She has never tasted meat of fish, for example. I am not sure there is any cure.
