Actually the higher quality ones (i.e. “room service” at hotels or those who work out of their home) really do accept Credit Cards and bill them under innocuous charges. I can honestly say that I know this not because I’ve used such services (I couldn’t afford them if I wanted to- something like $350 per hour) but because they advertise in gay papers in Atlanta and all over the net. (There’s nothing illegal about “escort” agencies since you’re just paying for the person’s time… and if you just happen to have sex like consenting adults during that time… consquently there’s hardly ever a prostitution bust other than for street hustlers in many city.)
My own experience…when I met my husband I had just turned 20 years old. He
turned 40 a couple of weeks after I met him. I was coming out of a disaster of a marriage (I’d married my first husband at a very young age) & I had a 1 year
old daughter.
Twenty-five years later, we are still together…we’ve been married for almost 18
years. We heard all of the negative comments when we first started seeing
each other. And to be honest, I did think about the age difference…but not for
very long. We fell in love and, as corny as it sounds, I just KNEW it was right.
My daughter has always considered her stepfather to be her Dad.
We’ve had our ups & downs, of course, but that’s true for all relationships.
So, relationships with big age differences CAN work.
I guess that each situation has it’s own unique details and it’s unfair to paint
them all with the same broad brush.
Bing! I was wondering if this was going to end up as the root of this. The gay community has really suffered from the whole “chicken hawk” thing. The anti-gays have been extremely effective at using the “threat to youth” bullshit so it’s not surprising that it would carry over in how you as a gay man look at any older-younger relationship.
Disaproval about what? Being AWESOME!!
Huh?
Even though I agree in principal that two adults should be able to date whoever they like, this situation of a professor dating a student I think is not a wise move. These types of relationships are often a bit of a novelty for both parties in the beginning but will often fizzle out after a time.
In general, older men dating young girls grosses me out somewhat although I don’t feel the same about older women dating young guys, for some reason it just doesn’t rate as high on the sleaze scale.
[totally irrelevant and nitpicky hijack]Anaxagoras, your sig (Omnia Mihi Lingua Graeca Sunt) is grammatically incorrect. It would be fine if ‘lingua’ were neuter, but it’s not. ‘Lingua’ is feminine. The correct version is ‘Omnes Mihi Linguae Graecae Sunt’. Still love it, though! (I think I may join the clique of Dopers with Latin sigs soon)[/totally irrelevant and nitpicky hijack]
My daughter will be 19 in September. If she came home with a 38-y/o boyfriend, I can see myself having a very difficult time with it. Yes, she’s of age and no, it’s not my place to choose who she can and can’t date. But I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be very worried about such a relationship.
As she heads off to college 900 miles or so from where I’ll be living, this is just the sort of thing I don’t need preying on my mind.
sigh
Reminds me of a thread I started about one of my neighbors except of course he was just our 38 year old friend but not trying to date us…as long as your 18 age difference doesn’t matter. That’s why I’m going to try to snag me a 18-21 year old when I’m like 50, it will keep me young.
I agree. When I was in college, we had a “creepy prof who sleazes on students”. He was actually married to a former student, and it was his affair with this student that had led to his divorce from his first wife. This happened several years before I began college, but everyone knew the story and everyone said that even with his younger second wife he was still doing his best to pursue barely-legal tail.
I never had class with this professor so it may be that stories of his sleaziness were greatly exaggerated, but that’s part of the point. People talk, and college girls in particular like to gossip. Even if this would otherwise be a perfectly nice, normal relationship, he is risking his professional reputation.
My first husband was 28 years my senior. We divorced after 5 years of misery (aka adultery on his part).
Though I appreciated having a more mature partner with whom I could discuss things, his expectations and demands were beyond me. This lead to physical and mental abuse. On top of this, he was cheating with other women.
He thought things were fine - he had a young wife at home, working and cleaning. He was out carousing and doing his own thing. He got the stability at home he wanted. I got the short end of the stick.
My opinion, speaking from experience… May start out happy, but it probably will not last.
Besides, can she really put up with constantly being asked her “dad”?
I’m 38 and my wife is 25. We’ve been together four years, married for a year, and we have an awesome little boy who will be two in July.
'Course, when we first got together, we were both stoner rock n roller types and being from the opposite ends of the ‘generation X’ spectrum, we both shared a common culture so the age difference didn’t really mean very much.
On the other hand, my ex-wife was a year older than me, and we hardly shared any common interests. It’s hard to believe we stayed together for 13 years.
Both over 18, so it’s nobodies business but theirs.
I’m not sure why. Women tend to mature emotionally faster than men. Still, there are practical matters. A buddy of mine (he’s 27, I’m 31) were discussing the very same thing the other day…in a club…in Amsterdam. Anyhow…How would we relate to a 19 year old girl? A college sophmore can’t relate our world of irritating bosses, long hours and other work related crap. She’s looking forward to her first job in the “real” world. Unless she has a fake ID, we can’t go to “adult” places together - a bar, an R rated movie, the rent-a-car office. I’d say 24 is realistically about as young as I would want to date.
This thread reminded me of this…
I have to concur with the people who say that the age thing really isn’t that big of a deal, so to me the relationship is ok from that aspect. But, I still think it could be somewhat “frowned upon” professionally…
More likely it will make you old.
I have to go with the MYOB answer–if they’re both adults, it’s none of youy business what hijinks the get up to.
I’m 42 and my bf is 25. We have our ups and downs, but age has never been a factor.
More to the point, chronological age is unimportant if you work out and eat right. Brad Pitt is 40, and James Marsters (Spike on Buffy and * Angel*) and George Clooney are 43 this year–would you think them dirty old men for dating 19-year-olds, and would any 19-year-old turn them down because of their ages?
Along this line - Mercedes McNab was 17 when she first played Harmony on Buffy, and 19 when she had her first on-screen kiss with Marsters’ character. Did anyone watching that think the scene was skeevy?
That lying turd won’t admit it, but he’s more around 45. I know, just trust me on this one.
I agree with the “your just sooooooooooooo jealous” camp. The thought of being so experienced and then getting at young hot flesh is sooooooooo nice… no no I kid I kid.
I don’t know how I’ll feel about it when I’m older. Right now I wouldn’t want to go with anyone more than four years older/younger than me (22). But this could change. If I’m 30, I might consider going with a 19 yr old. Hmmmmm… new thread coming on.
But as long as the gripe isn’t professional, I agree with the others. It’s none of your busy-ness.
An ironic update: since this thread started I’ve started seeing a 61 year old man (I’m 37). At first it was a polite “let’s do lunch” response to a fellow who was constantly asking me out, but since beginning lunch dates we have really hit it off and age, at this point, just isn’t a factor. (I’m a sedentary slob and he’s a huge tennis/swimming buff, so he actually has the much younger body, and we both have a huge interest in 30’s history and movies, etc. [which is before his time as well] and unlike me he’s lived everywhere and remembers the 50s and 60s so his stories are fascinating]).
I honestly don’t know how far I want to pursue the relationship, but for the time being there is no age difference when we’re together. Very odd as I never thought I’d be at all romantically interested in somebody old enough to be my father.