my apartment stinks

The BBQ Pit
1

i just got home from work and my apartment stinks to high heaven. this is especially sucky because i was hoping to invite my best friend over to hang out, since i’m broke and we’re both probably too tired to go anywhere anyway.

so you ask, why does your apartment stink, abuse angel?

gee, could it be the trashcan full of dirty diapers or the full kitchen trashcan, both of which have been waiting to be emptied for days? say, isn’t it the S.O.'s job to take those out?

maybe it’s the food wrappers and half empty cans left all over the S.O.'s desk, which he is supposed to keep clean? maybe i’d be really nice and clean it for him if the goddamn garbage wasn’t still fucking overflowing!

no, i smell ammonia. it could be the cat box, which i am not supposed to clean out anymore because of my pregnancy, and which the S.O. doesn’t clean until it’s so disgusting it has to be thrown away.

wait! i know what it is! it’s the fucking kitchen sink; it’s the S.O.'s job to do the dishes, but he hasn’t done them since summer!

look, sweetheart, i appreciate that you work. i know it’s hard, after all, i fucking work there, too!. but i have cut back your household chores to the bare minimum: dishes, garbage, cat box and cleaning up after yourself (ie, not leaving trash everywhere). i do everything else. i clean up after the kids. i sweep, vacuum, scrub the bathroom, dust, make the beds, clean up the food that the cat leaves everywhere (because you can’t put food away when you’re done with it), and i still manage to put the hairbrush back in the cabinet every single morning.

SO WHY THE FUCK CAN’T YOU???

2

i think i identified a new smell. i found a pile of his dirty socks under the desk.

GAAAAAHHHHHHH!

3

A stun gun could help clear up your discipline problems.
:smiley:

4

:smiley: yes… i’ll just be waiting by the door when he comes home…

:bzzztt!:

honey, when you feel like you can stand again, would you take out the garbage, please? thanks. :wink:

5

God, whatever you do, don’t have the baby shower there. :wink:

6

Do we have the same S.O.??

I have the perfect gift…a Diaper Genie! Wouldn’t he be surprised?

7

Keep your hands off my man, Abuse Angel!

If I can’t train him to close his side of the wardrobe each morning to prevent the kittens destroying our clothes, then you’ve got Buckley’s of getting him to do dishes.

8

Wow, I was contemplating starting a “I love my SO, but…” thread, but I’ll just join the sisterly exasperation here…

Dearest darling, do you know that door in the hallway, in front of which you invariably drop your dirty clothes? I’ll tell you a secret. It’s a MAGIC door. If you open it you will see in all its glory (cue violin crescendo and heavenly light from above) A CLOTHES HAMPER!

Do you know why your socks keep disappearing? It’s because when you leave them lying all over the house, the cats drag them away to give them a decent Christian burial.

I know how you feel, abuse angel. When I was home for 10 months with the littlest Tharnette and the SO was working, the house was clean and there were hot meals. When the love of my life was unemployed for a few months and I was working full-time, do you think I enjoyed the same perks? HELL, NO! I’d come home from work, wade through the Fisher-Price Minefield of Death in the living room, wash a day’s worth of skanky dishes (a hint, my love: filling the sink with soapy water, dumping all the dishes into it, and then wandering off to watch the History Channel doesn’t quite do the trick), throw something together for supper, sweep the minefield in the living room, bathe the littlest one, check the oldest one’s schoolwork, run a load or two of laundry, read bedtime stories, throw my dearest a few evil looks when he suggested I “bake us something sweet”, and eventually go to bed.

And he wondered why he wasn’t getting any.

9

Oh boy, can I relate. My hubby is absolutely incapable of cleaning up after himself. I could leave ten empty laundry baskets scattered throughout the bedroom, and he would go out of his way to throw that stinky-ass wet towel on the carpet anyway. He hasn’t done the dishes or the laundry or cleaned the bathrooms even once in the eight years we have been together. The tops of his dresser and his desk consist of garbage piled two foot high, teetering, on the brink of falling over onto the floor. He loves to cook elaborate meals, but has never once even tried to clean up after himself. Especially when he makes spaghetti. I have found spaghetti sauce stains on the ceiling, for criminy’s sake. He thinks that because he works full-time, his only required chore is to cook us dinner. Well, honey, I work full-time too and I still manage to find time to clean the house and take care of the children and run all of your goddamned errands that you are too lazy to do yourself.

Don’t get me wrong. I love this man with all of my heart. But if he doesn’t learn to start cleaning up after himself, I am going to shoot him with a bazooka! (just kidding, of course)

10

Feel better now hon?

Good, now go get me a beer…:smiley:

11

Put another log on the fire.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
And go out to the car and change the tire.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire babe,
And come & tell me why you’re leaving me.

Now don’t I let you wash the car on Sunday?
And don’t I warn you when you’re gettin fat?
Ain’t I a-gonna take you fishin’ with me someday?
Well, a man can’t love a woman more than that.
And ain’t I always nice to your kid sister?
Don’t I take her driving every night?
So, sit here at my feet cause I like you when you’re sweet,
And you know it ain’t feminine to fight.

12

aw, damn.

yesterday the s.o. worked a 17 hour day. yes, this is much longer than he usually works. he usually gets around 50 hours a week (and i get about 40). well, yesterday, as he was working to make up for the holiday tomorrow (we’re hourly, both of us, so no paid holidays), and i was at home fuming about the stench, he popped onto the 'net to see what i was up to.

and read this thread.

i tried to explain that i love him, and it wasn’t even worth enough to me to fight over; i was just venting. but i don’t think he can understand that, and he was pretty pissed off.

damnit!

13

Maybe he could engage in a little stress-relieving diaper tossing. Big sport over here in Europe.

14

Ah, he’ll get over it. Hey, abuse husband unit- she loves you, just clean up after yourself for the love of God! My husband is so bad I call him Grog (like a caveman). It doesn’t mean you love someone less if you vent about the annoying shit they do, it means you love them enough not to take out their eyes with a melonballer over it.

Thats all. Now stop your fightin’ and clean the damned house up already!

Zette

15

exactly what i was thinking, zette. if i didn’t love him, i’d have tossed him out on his unlaundered slacks by now. :wink:

wait… laundry is my job…