And I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to add them as friends, that’s for sure. I don’t want them to see my pictures or risk posting something incriminating (or having one of my friends post something incriminating).
Aunt A tried to friend me once, and I ignored it and haven’t heard from her, which is good. If I did and she disapproved of something I posted she might cut me out of a will or something.
Aunt B, whom I speak to a couple times per year, tried to friend me for a second time today and sent me a message. I can’t really ignore the message, unless I reply to her via email or over the phone or something.
Disclaimer - I am friends with several relatives on Facebook, but they’re all cousins in their 20s and 30s.
Any advice? Have you been in a similar situation? General thoughts on being Facebook friends with your parents/grandparents/extended family?
I have a whole selection of friends, mostly family, that I call “Limited Profile” people. I have the settings cranked down so they can’t see my website and most of my wall. It saves the hassle.
Isn’t there a way to set them up in a different group from your other friends, so they don’t see what you don’t want them to? I have some vague idea that you can, but I’ve never looked into it.
I have all of my children, all 7 of my nieces and nephews, and many others of their generation among my Facebook friends. I’ve not seen anything incriminating from any of them, or any of their friends, and I don’t think they have anything hidden from me. What are you planning to do? Or what have you already done?
You know, we old folks have seen that before – probably first saw it before you were born, and now see a lot more of it now that this Internet thing has become popular.
I like to use Facebook as a way to communicate with friends. I speak to my parents and aunts and uncles differently than I do with friends. So, my rule is that relatives of my generation - sister and most cousins - get Facebook access. People who I ever feel the need to restrain my speech around - certain cousins and relatives not of my generation - don’t. I don’t want to have to dick around with different groups or anything like that.
Anyone in the no-go set who’s requested has the request politely ignored. Anyone who asks gets a polite explanation, that Facebook is pretty much for staying in touch with friends; you guys have my email address if you need to get in touch with me.
I would just add them, and then don’t put anything on facebook I wouldn’t want my aunts to see. If something is sure to offend an older aunt then there is a non-trivial chance that one of my younger friends would also find it trashy/low-class. There are people on their 20s and 30s who like to their internet browsing to be work- and family-friendly.
This is an ongoing battle between my older sons and I. Me: “Waaah! Why do you limit your Facebook so that I can only see your picture, location, and date of birth??! None of my friends’ kids do this to them!!” Them: “Most of our friends won’t even friend their parents on Facebook at all- you should feel lucky that you get to see that we’re still alive.”
Long story short, just limit what they can see if you don’t want them seeing everything.
I worried about that, and then I figured, hey, I’m middle aged, they’ll have to think what they think. I’m sure my MIL has seen some things on my wall that made her think “Oh Dear”, but it hasn’t been an issue.
You could always have separate accounts for family and friends and coworkers sent to whichever one which makes the most sense and puts your mind most at ease.
Make a separate group for those kind of people and name it. Set your settings so they can only see what you want them to see. When you post something to your status you can set the default so that you can omit people, so omit that group. Make it your default. They’ll never see anything you post.
I’ve got a family group I haven’t been in touch with for over 20 years. All of a sudden they’re friending me. I’m not sure if I really want to be in touch with them but I’m giving it a shot. I’ve got them in their own group. I hardly ever comment on anything they say, have them omitted from all but one set of photos which are just drawings I’ve done, not people in my life and if I post something I don’t want them to see, I just omit them from that post. Frankly, I LIKE them seeing that I have interaction with a whole lot of other people and don’t really need them since it wasn’t my choice not to be in touch for so long (long story). Eventually, if I don’t want to be bothered I’ll defriend them and not give a shit.
I let my first aunt to get on Facebook friend me, and she was annoying - posting goofy Conservative shit that I didn’t want to hear, always posting downers to my wall threads, and generally making me dislike her.
I decided to de-friend her and came up with a rule that no one outside of my generation gets to be my friend. Peers of any age get consideration (I have friends who are 10+ years older) but no aunts, uncles, friends’ parents, or parents’ friends.
I’ve denied friend requests from aunts and uncles since and no one cared. I politely explained and they were just fine with it.
I don’t want to have to think about what I am saying/doing on FB, and I don’t want to have to decide who sees what. I keep my friends list clean and mean and live in my own little hipster online world.
I have a similar problem. Or had, I should say. My mother rabidly followed every single thing I did or every single comment that other people left for me on facebook. I couldn’t unfriend her without literally dozens of pages of emails asking what she did to offend me. I ended up deleting my account. I can’t really consider making another one unless it’s with a fake name.
