Sunday night 01/21 I recived a call from a co-worker, in short,could I open the store Monday morning. I said sure, why? When she told me I became angry. The store is small and we are a tight knit group. I’ve partyed with these people. Bosses spouse seemed to me to be an alcoholic. I never saw him with out a beer nearby. It has been two days and my feelings are wound about this. She was beaten physicaly and mentally. The 9 yr old daughter saw the beating and was brused by trying to pull her father off her mother. Please Dopers help me understand. He is now in jail but will get out Wed. 01/24. An order of protection has been placed on him and I think, but am not sure, that Boss is starting divorce procedings. Bad couple of days at our store.MTS
Thats a horrible situation, Booker. I’m pleased to see that your boss has caring people around her, though, and that shes smart enough to realize that there’s no excuse for what he did. It’s a good thing that there are people like you in the world to care about this type of thing. {{{{{to you, your boss, and her daughter}}}}}.
My old upstairs neighbors could have been your boss and her family. I woke one Saturday morning many years ago to the sounds of them arguing loudly. The wife was preparing to go to work, and her husband was badgering her for money. (We later found out he was a meth user.) I was barely awake and dressed when I look outside and see two legs dangling from the upstairs balcony. The wife was trying to escape from her husband by leaping off it, onto our brick patio. She was wearing only her underwear and a shirt.
She broke her back in the fall. Their 6-year old daughter witnessed everything.
We stepped in at that point. I made the call to the police, and got an ambulance on its way. We took their daughter into our house, and my mom gave her something to eat. We stayed with the wife out on the patio until the ambulance arrived.
The husband calmed down after that. I think he was high; he looked genuinely confused about his wife’s state. He wandered away before the cops showed up.
Quite a day, that was.
Things like this are not easy. What you can do, Booker57, is be there for your boss in whatever way you can. Understand that she may not want to talk about it. Just show her you’re there, and that you care. She’ll need every bit of support she can get.
You’re doing what you can: seeing to it that work gets done–and all credit to you. Enormous credit, in fact, for your responsiblity toward work itself and the humanity to see the person behind the “boss” role.
On a practical level, once she heals up enough physically (and otherwise) to get her bearings work will be absolutely critical. As in financial survival. Is there life after nightmare survival.
I’m not saying it’s fair on an employment level but it’s a fact. Don’t know enough about your particular situation. All too many “upper” employers mouth deep concern but human messiness is punished unmercifully.
On a human level, keep work functioning. It may feel awkward, but calm and matter-of-fact may help her the most. She’s reeling in fundamental ways. May sound grim, because neither of you wanted any of this shit, but since physical abuse is an issue be prepared to call the police–no matter what she says–if there’s the slightest hint of threat. Abuse is cumulative, and incredibly destructive.
You can’t be the white knight or avenger, but you can the reality check.
Sounds like you’re a thoroughly good sort, Booker.
Veb
Help your boss get in touch with a local domestic violence center. They are invaluable in cases like this. They will help her through all the legal proceedings, provide shelter, etc. Most importantly, they will give her the counselling and support necessary to go through with leaving this a******. She has probably been going through this for many years, and she will find it difficult to make the break without help.
I’ve seen far too many victims drop charges, get the restraining order dropped, and move back in with the abuser. Those who get the support they need succeed so much better.
My Boss is the wage-earner in the relationship. She is getting support from many people. Many people have offered land for her husband. 6x3x6 deep land. He is not well loved.Not to sound like a wine cooler ad, but "Thanks for your support.MTS