My boycott against Ireland

The BBQ Pit
1

So I was sitting quietly at my computer on a Sunday morning, when I came upon this picture of the Prime Minister of Ireland. I find this an extremely disturbing picture because I think he is looking at me funny. He shouldn’t ought to look at Americans like that, in the privacy of their own home no less.

I won’t go to Ireland on vacation this summer. So there.

Of course, I didn’t go to Ireland last summer or the summer before that, but this is different because it is a Boycott aimed at making Mr. Ahern change his sinister ways. Just to make sure he gets the message, I have decided never to go to Ireland ever again for the rest of my life. He needn’t think he can make things better by looking in some other direction now, the bastard.

In case my boycott on tourism fails to cripple the economy, I have also decided to boycott Irish products, such as Killian’s Irish Red, and potatoes, and … uh … limericks and corks. I don’t think I can bring myself to give up Guinness, but I will compromise by renaming it. From now on I will call it Stop Looking At Me Funny Stout.

I own a copy of Ulysses which I meant to read one day, but from now on I am not going to read it at all. It can just sit there on the shelf while I read John Grisham instead.
…
It’s five minutes later and I’m still not reading Ulysses. Why haven’t the Irish noticed yet?

Oh well. I’ll just have to write to some newspapers so they know I’m boycotting them. I’m sending letters to The Raleigh News and Observer, The Chapel Hill News, and The Daily Tar Heel. I’m not sure if those papers are read in Ireland or not, but I can’t send any letters to real Irish papers because I’m boycotting them too, so those ones will have to do.

I used to have an Irish setter called Seamus, but I’m changing his name to Shame-on-You-Mr-Ahern. So that nobody mistakes him for an Irish setter, I’m going to dye him in different colors. His tail end will be green, because it was spring when I started my boycott, and his middle parts will be white – to symbolize the purity of my intentions. I don’t want any dye to get in his eyes and ears, so I guess his head will have to remain orange.

:: checks web page :: Doggonit, he’s still looking at me funny! Why won’t anybody take my boycott seriously, dammit?!?

2

Obviously your boycott of things Irish doesn’t include drinking on Sunday.

3

Bwaha!

:stuck_out_tongue:

4

You think Ahern’s looking at you funny? Check out the Minister for Finance (he’s the gimp on the left). The horror. The horror.

Anyway, as an Irish resident and tax-payer, eligible for citizenship, I wholeheartedly support the sanctions you have imposed on my adopted home. Only by vague avoidance and half-assed renaming of sort-of Irish things can the international community help stop these pug-ugly politicians from looking at us, and other people, in a funny way. Sure, we the people may suffer in the short term, but we look forward to a brighter future where these hideous goons will no longer lord their googly eyes and weird expressions over the downtrodden masses.

Thank you for doing this for us.

(Now can you get Donald Rumsfeld to join the boycott and to stop landing his goddamned plane at Shannon, please?)

5

Now, if he wasn’t in Ireland, he might stay in the US. And we don’t want him here either.

6

Quick! Let’s all buy bottles of Killian’s and Guiness so we can pour them out on the sidewalk! Then let’s go put all Irish products in the stores on sale for thirty percent off! That’ll show those filthy Irish!

7

I hate to spoil a perfectly tepid boycott, but I think Killian’s actually an American beer from the Coors Brewing Company.

8

Nah – can’t be. Sheesh, next you’ll be telling me potatoes come from America as well.

Clearly, the googly-eyed politicians are multiplying. This calls for drastic measures, so I’ve just been out in the garden digging up all the shamrocks and replacing them with real rocks. (By the way, is shampoo an Irish product too? I hope not :eek: )

9

I’m joining you in your struggle against this dorty, grinning prime minister. After destroying* my whole guiness supply** I realized that I can do more than just boycotting so I invented the torture box ™.
I printed out Ahern and put him in a box. On the opposite side I put a mirror, so that Ahern is always looking funny at himself. He did not react yet. But I’m sure sooner or later he can’t suffer the torture anymore. I can’t stand someone crying so I burried him in my backyard. Okay that’s maybe a little bit cruel, but you know shock & awe. Iam sure the Minister for Finance will change his mood soon.

Here a picture taken with my digicam.***

  • /drinking
    ** 2 cans
    *** It’s not the latest high-tech cam, I know
10

The Chapel Hill News isn’t read in Raleigh, except maybe by Orage Quarles (try typing that name in a hurry!!), so that won’t make much of an impact.

Funny thing, but Fred Phelps hasn’t made any response to any of my posts denouncing him, either. I think it’s a massive conspiracy to ignore us Tar Heels – why else would Phelps and Ahern be acting in concert?!?

:wink:

11

You’ll never take away me Lucky Charms!!!

12

Fretful, I can take you to the pub Mr. Ahern drinks in so that you can destroy some guinness in front of him! that will give him what for! :smiley:

(when you heading over?)

13

Their left or out left? They’re both looking at me funny. :smiley:

14

I was just going to post that he looks like a man not frightened of buying his round – you could probably have a good night out with him, with an altercation at the end outside the curry house to boot.

Out of interest Twisty (and any others), could you place his accent for me. It’s Dublin, I think, and what we used to call ‘working class’, is he from South Dublin ?

15

As soon as I – UFFF – drag this damn dog – out from under – the bed. Anybody would think the silly beast didn’t want to do his part for the cause.

Is he as alarming-looking in real life as he is in the pictures, or did the photographer just catch him on a bad day?

16

No, he’s from drumcondra.

17

And there was me thinking this was going to be about the origin of the word “boycott”.

18

I printed some signs saying “I rish you wouldn’t look at me like that”, but most people just gave me more googly stares. I tell you, they’re all Un-… um. Un-something. They’re definately not it at all.

P.S. - I couldn’t remember what liquor comes from Ireland, so I had to get rid of it all. Unfortunatly, I forgot to take the cork out of the tequila, and when I put it in the bonfire it blew out and hit me in the nose. Thus I will be unable to join any other protests until the doctor is shipped some special tools.

19

I’m behind you 150%! I’ve had enough of those terrorist Leprechauns haunting my dreams. All of my Irish spring soap bars are in the trash. Never again will I eat hagis. And next St. Pats day, I will drink NO GREEN BEER.

20

[sub] Psst… RoadRash, haggis is Scottish[/sub]