I am under (several) doctors care. I am taking my medication. I see my workers regularly. I am not being non compliant. I’m doing what I am supposed to. GRRRRRR
I’m getting loud and distracted and I can see people looking at me funny. This afternoons student’s behaviour was atrocious and I don’t know if he was getting “vibes” off of me or what. My thoughts are racing and I am getting agitated. You have no idea the amount of effort I’m putting in to making sure my grammar and spelling and shit is making sense (you know my job and all professional pride). This is stupid I’m doing everything I am supposed to.
If this goes on much longer I will be calling the after-hours line.
I used to enjoy the highs. Since my assault I am too afraid. One of the symptoms I get is hyper arousal which led to the assault.
At present I am making myself stop every couple of minutes too do breathing exercises.
Shit. Twice in two weeks is really too much. Going up is one thing - going down is a whole nother exhausted crash burn type thing. I know being self aware is great and all but sometimes I wish for some obliviousness. Self aware means I am still in control so stick with that thanks.
Anyway why am I here - suggestions, bunnies, kittens. mine are asleep at the moment - well the kitties are - the bunny is devouring a pile of grass and green the approximate size of himself.
So if you have any calming suggestions / failing that bunnies or kitties - post away
You need to make an urgent appointment with your GP and your workers to tell them of the situation you are in. Obviously your meds are not doing the job they are meant to be doing, and you need some help. Having us sing melodious songs and/or drawing pretty pictures of fluffy kittens or puppies is not gonna cut it for you.
Does Deni have a CATeam? I’d recommend you ringing them if things are as dire as you’ve posted.
Agreed, why are you paying for doctors and meds if they aren’t helping? Call your doctors and tell them of the situation even before the appointment, they might be able to advise you or call in some temporary meds. They work for you.
When I need to calm down, I picture a vacation I was on in the Dominican Republic. My husband and I took a walk down the beach and found a great spot in the ocean–shallow water, hardly any waves except the calm, gently rocking ones. We went out there and just floated for a while, with the sun shining down on us in the clear blue water. I think it was the most relaxed I’ve felt in my adult life.
July and especially August are my manic times, only I’m a dipshit and don’t do meds or doctors–just hyper-vigilance and self-control. Behaviorally I’ve got it under control but I look like shit because I’m getting maybe 2 hours of sleep most nights. What bugs me is October and November are coming up–those are my pit months.
No suggestions for you (my wife is very helpful, but I ain’t sharing!), just a sympathy hug and then I’ll scurry off.
So I am a bitcalmer now.awake though. I was having some pretty crappy thought stuff happening. Distracting stuff is good. Long way til morning. At least I’m. Not hearing non existant stuff now.
I am normally more up in summer months.my doc said it was something to do with amount of sunlight. We have been having lots of sunny days and I have been spending lots of time outdoors n I wonder if there is a link.
I feel a bit stupid/embarrassed when stuff like this happens, like I should have better self control.I know I have been doing all the right things but I still feel it.
By the way tonight on delusional radio station 1626 l - double o - n theywere playing Hotel Californian and a selection of Cold Chisel. Pretty innocuous I know but I find it distressing because I can find the source. Of the noise. And then there are the people talking between song and I can’t quite hear and it is really important I hear what they are saying.
So that has stopped. And it I’s very rare for it to happen me anyway (mostly I get paranoid or really horny). Oh yeah and really loud and helpful and spend money like it is going out of business.
No apologies needed - but definitely, reach out and let your medical providers and/or the helpline responders know that you’re on such-and-such medications but that they’re not helping, and that you’re having auditory hallucinations. Maybe write out a little script for yourself before you dial, so you have your words set out for you already.
Good luck to you, and I hope you get healthier and happier. Kambuckta and grude are right, though - there isn’t much we can do to help you, besides provide moral support while you search for the right combo of meds etc.
Hey guys thanx fo moral support. And **Purplehorseshoe **your bloke has been on my prayer list so he should be all better real soon and possibly with new and improved superpowers.
Would it help to sit down inside and draw whatever crazy things come to mind, as fast as you can? If the amount of sunlight makes you more manic, perhaps limiting your exposure to it would help?
I know absolutely nothing about mania, since my own problems tend toward the depressed/sluggish side. If this is useless advice, I’m sorry!
Hugs to you! Right now I have no meds and I’m suffering from insomnia. My deep breathing is working, fairly well, but I’ve slept five hours in the past two days. In my past, I would visualize (honestly!) ice cream cones and Mickey Mouse. Pick what works for you and try visualizing it perfectly–you may distract the part of you that’s making you feel crazy.
this is not intended as a substitute, but on Youtube you can find videos of waves at the beach. Nice soothing ones, with audio of the waves. I tend to like tropical beaches, here’s a nice one that runs for ten minutes, they have some that run for as long as 8 hours on Youtube:
I do something similar, like horseback riding. It helps to not “skim” over it, but to take the time to concentrate on the details: walking up to the horse, petting its nose, smelling its fur, then mounting up, looking ahead through its ears, patting its neck, ruffling the heavy, coarse mane … and only then, after you’ve immersed yourself in that, you can imagine yourself galloping off into the sunset!
You might want to freeze your credit card in a block of ice while you get this under control so you don’t add financial burdens to your other problems.
This music can be very relaxing but it also has a dark, plaintive deep-end so to speak that may or may not jive well with you. Give it a listen and see what you think. She certainly is a helluva musician:
I really don’t have any good advice, just that I’m still grateful for the care package and I should return the favor! If you don’t mind Amazon orders, that is.
