My brother-in-law is making jokes about divorcing my baby sister on facebook

[Turek]

@Freudian_Slit

But doesn’t it kind of infantilize women to see them as the “downtrodden” or as the weaker sex in need of protection?

Are you talking about MY sister!?? Why I oughta…

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@dropzone

Note the First: I said it was sexist.

Note the Second: Not really. As long as men hold a physical size advantage over the women with whom they associate, and they usually do, the women are, actually, weaker and, probably, deserve protection, at least until the particulars of the fight are worked out. Okay, if Skald’s sister keeps a razor in her hair and a mithril sword in her boot she can probably take care of herself, but this is a job for a brother worked out over millenia.

Well, actually she keeps a razor in her boot, a sword on her back, a Glock on her hip, and the bronzed eyes of her enemies on her belt. boot. She is, after all, my sister.

When she was, oh, 7th grade or so, I was sent to pick her up from school one day and found that two boys had tried to rough her up; she had stood her ground, kicked the ass of one, and then taking off running after the other. I was so proud.

Apart from the much-younger aspect (we had an amiable argument recently over whether we are the same generation), part of my over-protectiveness comes from the fact that she was always–ALWAYS–sick as a very little girl; we were always afraid of her dying until she was maybe seven or eight. A part of me can’t help but see her as my fragile baby sister, even though I know that’s not the case.

[Acsenray]

1. Like others have mentioned, I can’t judge the the brother-in-law until I see some of these jokes. Not all jokes about an impending divorce are automatically tasteless.

2. Even tasteless jokes are usually not much to get hot over, unless they cross the line into real meanness or defamation.

3. I see no reason why a baby sister, no matter how physically fragile she was as a child, needs to be protected from jokes, so long as they are just jokes.

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@acsenray

1. Like others have mentioned, I can’t judge the the brother-in-law until I see some of these jokes. Not all jokes about an impending divorce are automatically tasteless.

2. Even tasteless jokes are usually not much to get hot over, unless they cross the line into real meanness or defamation.

3. I see no reason why a baby sister, no matter how physically fragile she was as a child, needs to be protected from jokes, so long as they are just jokes.

Oh, good grief. Did I SAY that I was trying to protect her?

No, I didn’t. I said that I have the IRRATIONAL IMPULSE to protect her which I am not indulging because she doesn’t especially need it and because it wouldn’t be helpful to the situation if I treat her as if she’s still five.

I opened this thread to vent my irritation because I didn’t intend to vent it to his face or on facebook. Because, again, that’s not helpful.

I can’t copy & paste the jokes because I de-friended him as soon as I saw which way the wind was blowing, and I can do without updates that largely consist of insults to my sister, thank you very much. The first one I saw was something like “Hey, guys, as you may have heard, the Littlest Rhymer and I are getting divorced. Some people would call it a tragedy; I prefer to think of it as an opportunity to screw girls in their twenties.” When one of his female friends objected, he followed up with something along the lines of, “Hey, it’s only natural to want a girl whose boobs are still at the height of perfection, as opposed to my wife.”

The jokes went downhill from there, so I cut the facebook links.

[Freudian_Slit]

All right. The relevance of sexism in terms of protectiveness aside, the man is scum, and I can see why you’re pissed. Be glad your sister will soon be rid of this creep.

[Acsenray]

Skald, there were other posters in this thread that did seem to make the points I was disagreeing with.

[Shot_From_Guns]

@dropzone

TraditionallyLittle sisters are probably smaller than the guys abusing them, so we have not only familial feelings of protection but also chivalry–and yeah, when I was growing up it still had power–forcing us to come to the defense of any damsel in distress. It’s undoubtedly sexist, but sexism is not always a bad thing when it is seen as defending the downtrodden.

@dropzone

As long as men hold a physical size advantage over the women with whom they associate, and they usually do, the women are, actually, weaker and, probably, deserve protection, at least until the particulars of the fight are worked out.

The problem I have with “chivalry” is when it’s done because of the construction of someone’s genitals. Want to hold the door for me because it’s polite, and you’d hold the door for anyone? Please do! Want to hold the door for me because I have a vagina? No thanks!

Protect **people **who are less able to protect themselves–don’t base it on their gender, or make assumptions about whether or not they need protecting based on their gender.

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Shot_From_Guns

The problem I have with “chivalry” is when it’s done because of the construction of someone’s genitals. Want to hold the door for me because it’s polite, and you’d hold the door for anyone? Please do! Want to hold the door for me because I have a vagina? No thanks!

Protect **people **who are less able to protect themselves–don’t base it on their gender, or make assumptions about whether or not they need protecting based on their gender.

I don’t think my (unindulged) tendency towards over-protectiveness towards my little sister is based on sexism. It’s based on family patterns. But I agree that it would be foolish of me to leap to her defense most of the time, as generally she does not need defending.

[Shot_From_Guns]

I see what you did there before the edit.

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Shot_From_Guns

I see what you did there before the edit.

I decided it was too snarky. It’s not appropriate to speak to a lady that way.

[Shot_From_Guns]

I saw what you changed with *that *edit, too, and now I’m laughing even harder.

[dropzone]

I hold the door for everybody.

[Shot_From_Guns]

Same here, dropzone.

ETA: I work in a very large building with a bunch of different companies, and because we have a lot of Old School Businessmen Harumph Harumph, everyone lets women on the elevators first, regardless of what order people got there. This drives me nuts to no end, but I can’t just wait for the guys 'cause they’ll keep waiting for me, and I can’t yell at ‘em to stop being so freakin’ sexist because we share our elevator bank with one of our clients.

[Mosier]

@skald the rhymer

no longer. I unfriended him after my initial post;

oh dang!!!

[Kalhoun]

How does the little sister feel about the divorce? Is she devastated? Relieved? Surprised? Also, does she know about the Facebook shit?

[Skald_the_Rhymer]

@Kalhoun

How does the little sister feel about the divorce? Is she devastated? Relieved? Surprised? Also, does she know about the Facebook shit?

I think she’s very upset about it but pretending not to be. I saw a breakup coming a mile away, but as she always insisted everything was fine, I never pressed the issue beyond asking, once eery few months, how things were. Then she called me at 3 a.m. a few weeks ago asking me how to find out whom a car was registered to; I told her what to do, thought about asking her the obvious question, tand then decided that if she wanted me to know the answer to that, she’d have volunteered.

Anyway, I think she’s in a focus-on-other-stuff-to-avoid-meltdown stage right now.

I don’t know if she knows about the facebook thing; I haven’t volunteered the info, but since some of his friends were giving him shit about it when I unfriended it, one of them may have told her.