Well that post saved me asking an awkward question. I’d suggest she is seeing you behave in a way that may not be “bossy and argumentative” from an adult perspective, but seems that way to her current level of understanding, and she is trying to emulate it. Girls learn how to be women from their mothers.
So you and her father may need to examine the way you behave in front of her, and make an effort to show her at least as much co-operative and giving behaviour, as confrontational.
Absolutely. I am not offended in anyway. I realize that in my efforts to not make her to easily pushed around, I may have created a bit of a monster 
There is a lot of good points here - Sue Duhnym - I totally understand what you are saying. The neighbour boy is a little like this.
My hubby and I definitely need to show by example a little more!
Another thing you can do is set up one on one playdates with an agenda. Like “go to a movie” or “go out for ice cream” or “come over to play with clay (or some other art project)” or “come over and help us bake cookies.” That gives some focus to making friends and creates shared experiences. Free play at that age was a lot of “I want to play house and you are the Mom and I’m your baby.” “No, I’m the baby.” “No, you are the Mom, I’m the baby.” And there really isn’t a way to solve it between two bossy stubborn seven year olds.
Which is one of the differences between ‘typical’ boy play and girl play. The boys got on their bikes, and “what can you do on your bike” was the game. Or they shot baskets and “who gets the ball” has an established set of rules. The girls play out their roles, but in order to play the roles, they need to assign roles - and their aren’t rules about who gets to be the baby.
There is a very good book called something like, “How To Behave So Your Kids Will”, I could have it slightly wrong, be prepared.
Not to offend you but I have a friend who came to me with the same complaint when her daughter was 4-5yrs. She is such a close friend to me I didn’t quite know how to tell her that she herself, while I love her dearly, clearly has control issues. Her child comes by them quite honestly.
The book I mentioned doesn’t condemn parental behaviours, per se, but it does point out behaviours parents might consider modifying to achieve the changes in behaviour they seek in their children.
I mean, you can tell her all you want, but if you’re controlling and assertive, (fine line from pushy and bossy, dontcha think?), that’s what she’s hearing. If you were to modify how your controlling and assertiveness was manifest you might see the change you’d like in her.
(I have another friend who was all, “Why does my 10yr old want to dress like a hoochy mama? I don’t get it!” When it was clear why, to everyone who knew her, but no one had the nerve to tell her. It was just so clear she wouldn’t be able to hear it. We were universally stunned she could not see the connection between her own behaviour and her kids. Sometimes people can’t see what’s right in front of them, especially when it’s their kids.)
I don’t see why this is a problem. Someday, someone is going to pay her a lot of money to be bossy. Friends are overrated.
I had a 6-going-on-7-year-old bossy argumentative daughter who is now a 16-going-on-17-year-old bossy argumentative daughter. Being ostracized by friends never seemed to affect her behavior at all. She just moved on to new friends. Right now, however, she has only a couple of distant friends and still isn’t able to change her behavior at all. She doesn’t feel she’s in the wrong, and everyone who tries to tell her she is is off-base, in her eyes.
One bit of strong advice is to be extra diligent in not giving in to her in an argument (if you must change your position and give in, do it in such a way as to make it seem as though it was your decision alone, not her pleading). Most kids will never forget it if you ever give in even once and will argue you to death about everything forevemore. Bossy argumentative kids will do it even more so; it reinforces their bad behavior. Don’t ask me how I know.
Hi Poysyn-
I had a tendency as a child to boss around my friends. One day, my parents left a tape recorder at the top of the stairs, when I was downstairs playing with a friend. Afterwards, my parents made me sit with them and listen to myelf on the tape.
“Would YOU want to play with a little girl who sounded like that?” they asked.
It was an amazing wake-up call. I’ve often recommended parents do the same to their kids. Just make sure you sit with them and discuss what you’re both hearing.
As a bossy, argumentative child who is now a lawyer, there is a difference between pleading/begging/wearing down and arguing/making a persuasive point. Pleading should be discouraged, persuasion not so much. In fact, if you can teach your child to argue the facts without making an appeal to emotion/cosmic unfairness, you would be doing the world a great favor.
LOL. Now how did I know you’d be chiming in on this thread?
Like Markxxx said: You can’t teach your child every thing.
One thing I would suggest: When she comes in and says “Everybody is being mean to me”. Don’t try to chide her as in “I told you so” style. Help guide her through the events to led the other kids to be “mean” to her. Do so in a fashion where she herself can come to the conclusion as to why the other kids were being mean.
Yes, I concur. But once you’ve reached your verdict, don’t let her continue to badger you into changing your mind.
I was having the same issues with my granddaughter. The doctors wanted to put her on meds. I read a book called The People Code. Then I made her read the parts that sounded like her behavior. She’s doing much better now. I recommend it.
Ewww Meds? I’m so suspicious of that… I had a situation with my 10 yr old where I had no idea she was being taken advantage of by a friend. The gym teacher and counselor pulled me aside and advised me to “rid” her of this toxic friend.
You might want to talk to you daughter’s teachers/couselor about what they see as well… Its all about adjusting the direction of the ship as I see it…
Old thread closed at the request of the OP.
twickster, MPSIMS mod