My co-worker is a fuckin' moron

The BBQ Pit
1

I am a Lead Driver in the Valet Parking at Bally’s Park Place in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

As Lead Driver, I pull Rank in the absence of a Supervisor in conducting business at hand; directing customer traffic into our porte cochere, ordering fellow drivers to park cars to clear the pit, etc.

Also, I am a problem solver; giving jump-starts to dead batteries, changing flat tires, jimmy-ing car locks for customers who accidentaly locked their keys inside their cars, and searching the garage for cars when the customer loses their parking ticket.

Now, usually, a customer recieves half of a ticket when they leave their car with us, and the valet jockey fills out the other half with the car’s make, model, color, liscence plate number, and a survey: a small picture of a car which the jockey fills out all the dents and scratches the car has, to protect ourselves against claims of damage while the car was in our care. Finally, the car is parked in the garage and the location is recorded, so when the customer brings their ticket to the cashier, the jockey knows what and where to bring out.

If the customer loses their ticket, they must tell the supervisor ( or me) and the cashier an exact description of the vehicle (not just a “blue ford”, but a “Crown Victoria with so-and-so tags”) and then the driver goes loking through the entire garage for that vehicle. Then, finally, the owner’s liscence and the car’s registration MUST MATCH. It dosent matter if you borrowed the car from somebody else, with the same last name and adress. We had an incident years ago when the guy said “Hey this is my wife’s car…look, see, same last name and address and everything!” Later, the woman comes out with her ticket and say “where’s my car?” The “Husband” was actually the very vengeful, very spiteful EX-husband.

Anyway, a ticket goes missing, and one driver who wants to step up to be a Lead Driver says “I’ll go looking for it!” So he goes into the garage, jumps into a car and drives around looking for this vehicle for OVER AN HOUR! Finally, he comes back out says he can’t find it…And we say, yes he did…
THE STUPID FUCK WAS DRIVING AROUND IN THE VERY CAR HE WAS LOOKING FOR!

2

As an aside, is it common and accepted to use a customer’s car to drive around looking for another in the garage?

3

No, it is NOT.

We are supposed to use a company shuttle van to do such errands, thus sparing the customer’s cars undue wear and tear and using up gas.

In any case the driver was given a penalty; parking cars for the rest of the night without bringing out any to make tip money. He may still face a write-up and a suspension.

4

I was a valet for a valet parking company back when I was in college. We most did weddings, private parties and country clubs. There were plenty of morons, including 2 guys who were fired after their very first day for stealing a radar detector and a pair of sunglasses. How stupid and shameless do you have to be to steal something from a car where the situation requires that you’re face-to-face with the person that you’re stealing from? Jerkoffs even had the audacity to take the generous tips.

At a party at the NJ governor’s mansion, I received a $100 tip from a well-known celebrity.

5

Oh man. I would never have considered this. I spend a lot of time in Vegas, and thereby have valets park my car a lot. I always tip the person who takes it and the person who brings it out to me. Does it cut into tips that much to have a driver do only one? Is what I’m doing not standard?

He’s an idiot. You oughtta have him wear a button that says, “I was stupid. Do not tip me.”
:smiley:

6

Can you put this in a good spot? 'Cause all of this shit happened the last time I parked here.

7

How does a customer lock his keys in the car at a valet park? Isn’t the point of a valet park that the customer hands the keys over immediately to the valet?

8

For a vehicle search, tell your boss that it’s more cost effecient to use a Segway. Not only that, but it’ll be fun. (Don’t tell the boss that last part.)

9

Usually, I’m called away to Self-Park to do unlocks, flats, jump-starts, etc.
Though sometimes a car wil lock itself up after a minuite or so with the windows rolled up. Sometimes the customer is in such a hurry to throw away their money they run out of their car with their keys and without a parking ticket. They have to be paged over the casino’s intercom system. Sometimes they’re too preoccupied to pay attention, though.

10

I don’t have anything to add, except …

You said Porte Cochere !!!

and you spelled it right too !

11

That was a funny story, but not sure if your cow-orker deserves pitting. However, posting a LOOOONG story like that when it could have been summed up in a paragraph or two deserves a little pitting. Here’s what you should have posted:

"We work in a Valet parking garage. One of the vehicles was missing, and my stupid cow-orker jumped into a car and drove around for OVER AN HOUR looking for it. Finally, he comes back out says he can’t find it…And we say, yes he did…

THE STUPID FUCK WAS DRIVING AROUND IN THE VERY CAR HE WAS LOOKING FOR!"

That’s all you had to say. The rest about writing down details and all that had nothing to do with the stupid cow-orker.

12

I’m sorry, the above post is far too long. You should have just said:

That’s all you had to say.

:wally

13

Hijack . . . Is the old Ritz-Carlton still there, on the boardwalk near Million-Dollar Pier? There used to be a Roth’s fudge shop on the ground floor . . . My grandmother had an apartment there, my sister and I used to spend summers in Altlantic City in the pre-casino days. I think the Ritz is one of the few hotels that survived the mass demolitions.

14

You call that a “LOOOONG” story?

Dude, sucks to have your attention span.

15

I’m not even interested in this thread any more. SO LONG SUCKERS!!

16

Yeah, see, and you could have said as much with, “Bored. Fuck off.”

I’ll shorten my response to you to, “Fuck off.”

Unless I was just whooshed, in which case, that was funny!

17

Too long
FO
or if you want to really get the idea across
FOAD

18

Has anyone noticed that the boards have been attracting a different sort of poster since the Reader licensed Cecil’s column to USA TODAY?

19

F!

20

Yeah, but you’ve got the coolest user name on the SDMB. Just take the bitter with the sweet. :wink: