Ha ha ha Didn’t you read the subject line? My company is cheap!
There is no key!
I think you should send out a memo to everyone any time you notice someone using the women’s washroom. Be sure to include words like “gynocological” “tampon” “yeast infection” “Monostat 7” “ovaries” and “vagina.” It’s well proven that these words make most men to run screaming from the room. Make sure you tell them that every time you catch someone using the ladies’s room, you’ll send another one of these memos out.
You can then safely store all your stuff in the ladies’ room without fear of anything being stolen. They won’t go within 10 feet of the damn thing.
Funny you should mention that: guess the nationality of the new financial controller… I ain’t kidding.
(No offense to any Scots, as I know most of you are generous to a fault, but it is a little funny when someone fulfils their stereotype [he said unemotionally while colonising someone else’s country].)
This is the BEST idea yet. Thanks:D
“Cheeselike discharge” also works well when mentioned in conjunction with a yeast infection. Or at least it certainly sends all the males in SDMB threads run in all directions.
Can we turn this into a contest? My company is so cheap that they make the accounting staff buy their own pens, staplers, markers, etc. Well, they don’t make us, but if we order it, it takes roughly six months to get it, and we’ve all basically given up and just bought our own. On the other hand, we were bought by a huge corporation, and our broken tp holder finally got replaced. Maybe things are looking up!
Ok featherlou I accept your challenge!
My company is so cheap they don’t celebrate Admin’s day.
How much can a lunch cost for jiminey crickets sake?
My company is so cheap we are only allowed to order pens, paper clips, etc on an as needed basis. So if you need a paperclip on Monday afternoon…too bad Charlie they will have to be ordered and it will take 2-day delievery.
My company is so cheap that we currently only have 1 box of staples to share amongst us all.
Depending on the company, this could be exacly the wrong thing for a shareholder to do. Admittedly, some companies start with the cost-cutting when they’re in financial trouble. But others have no concept of the term “stakeholders,” and are happy to fuck over their employees with petty economy measures simply to ensure that the profits and dividends are better for the shareholders.
My company is so cheap that our Christmas party has gone from a meal at a hotel (paid for by our social fund, not the company) to a BYOB drink-up in the office kitchen.
My company is so cheap we don’t even have Christmas parties!
The team moral is really low and no one wants to spend time together.
My company is so cheap that they refuse to buy a REAL phone system that has “on hold music” Instead they went to Radio Shack and bought an $80 tape player…which broke a month ago and they are too cheap to replace it. So we currently have no “on hold music”
In the spirit of those who thwart food-stealers by leaving out adulterated food for them to steal, couldn’t you leave a roll of TP treated with, say, itching powder or poison ivy in your bathroom?
OK, here’s a plan:
Get one of those fine plastic syringes–they use them for squirting wood glue into loose chair joints.
Then mix up a solution of cornstarch and water that’s about the consistency of melted ice cream Then get some food coloring. (I find that Dec-A-Cake works better than McCormick.) Color the cornstarch solution brown.
Get a roll of Charmin, preferably one of those big double rolls.
Use the plastic syringe to insert a blot of the brown cornstarch solution deep into the roll of Charmin. This will be the tricky part. You have to get the brown stuff in without the moisture puckering the outer part of the roll.
Then leave the sabotaged Charmin in the bathroom and laugh your butt off.
Little shits used that cheap toilet paper to roll my yard, only took about 15 minutes to pick up what was on the ground, but that stuff has been in my trees and a neighbors trees for over two months - that stuff is rugged.
Isabelle, they don’t celebrate Admin Day at my company either. And we have a wage freeze for the forseeable future (I’ve been making $11/hr for a year and a half now, but somehow my duties keep on increasing). And they have four people (two of them part-time with zero benefits) doing the work of six full-timers. Shees.
If you want your TP, toothpaste, etc. to go unmolested, go to CostCo or whatever your local bulk store is, buy the biggest scariest “feminine product” box you can find, take out the contents, and keep the TP in there. I doubt any guy’s gonna go hunting when faced with “EXTRA STRENGTH SPRINGTIME FRESH MASSENGIL” or “ECONO-SIZE MONISTAT DEYEASTIFIER (now with AgentPink Defoliator!)” on the outside of the box.
Well, at least that’s one thing in your company’s favor. “On hold music” is offensive. My company’s system is capable of it, but we’ve turned that option off.