My dad had another stroke

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

It’s all good, as good as can be. Dad is in his 70’s and had three strokes before (as well as many other illnesses). Mum described them to me, and dad has also given me some information.

This summer I visited and took dad to the pub, he drove. As we entered I asked what did he want and where did he want to sit, I got our drinks and we sat and started to talk. After two sips he started to look very frightened, not usual at all for him, and was slurring his words. He tried to explain what was happening and I immediately knew right there and then he was having a stroke. With only me with him. I didn’t know what to do or say, I looked to the barman and the others in the pub (in a rural town, so it was quiet) and no-one was aware of what was going on in the corner.

Dad was trying to explain but he couldn’t get the words out. Rather than further his frustration I told him he could tell me later. So we sat there in a very awkward silence, for what seemed like hours but was about ten minutes. He was looking at the wall opposite, I was looking at him and debating whether to phone an ambulance, my mother, or just stay calm to keep his blood pressure down. This was his fourth minor stroke so I was hoping it’d be okay, but I was at a loss as to how to react. We sat there for a long, long time (it seemed), me staring at him and the room, debating calling who or doing what, but looking calm on the surface, dad was looking frightened and glancing at me, the wall, the table, back to me, the wall etc. I’ve never seen him look frightened before, he’s always been a big, strong, confident bloke.

Then my sister came in and dad perked up, he was shaken but cognisant. I offered her a drink and went to the bar, my sister recognised something was up but I think she thought we’d had cross words by her reaction (not that we ever have had cross words, the last time I had a disagreement with either parent was over 20 years ago). I went to the bar, but instead of ordering I went back to my dad and sister and asked dad if my sister should take us home. He said he was okay to drive and wanted to go. It was only a 3 minute drive and he went straight to bed (around 5PM). The next day he was okay. Phew.

So far, so good, but that 10 minute or so silence bugs me. Could I have broken the ice and lowered his blood pressure? Should I have told him a story (I’m shite at telling stories so maybe not) or distracted him somehow? The times it happened before he was rushed to the hospital ‘on the blue’ (he was an ambulance driver years ago) and that might have helped him relax; should I have called the emergency services?

His doctor is fully aware of his health, the chance of a massive stroke is greater which my parents know. He’s on a lot of medicine for blood pressure, diabetes, some glands which gave up, indigestion, and side effects from the medicine (rat poison) the doctors in their local General Practice and the local hospital have given him. I am not a doctor, I don’t even know half of the stuff he’s on.

2

Jesus! How do you sit across from someone you love and think is having a stroke, for 10 full minutes, without jumping up and calling an ambulance?

Didn’t want to appear alarmed as it would raise his blood pressure? What?

Please do some reading about the importance of getting IMMEDIATE medical care following/during a stroke. I beg of you!

3

You call an ambulance.

That’s the only thing you do during that 10 minutes other than reassuring your dad that help is on the way.

Hope your dad is doing ok.

4

It was very, very difficult. I was looking for signs other than the confusion he was having; I wasn’t sure whether it was an old-age spot of Parkinson’s (a couple of years ago his driving was erratic, which was alarming as he’d always been a very competent driver), I was going to raise merry hell and call an ambulance if he showed any physical effects such as loss of muscle use on either side, or laboured breathing, or any weaknesses other than being as he was being.

You’re right. I should’ve immediately phoned for an ambulance. I was waiting for some further deterioration when I should’ve responded to the prior. What went through my head was that it was the fourth time and all three before had had the same symptoms - no long-term effects such as loss of muscle use or cognitive problems. Maybe we (my father and I) are too cautious when calling for emergency help, it’s always been others who have called when either of us have been very ill. By the time my sister came he was confident enough to drive home. As I said he drove an ambulance, he also has raced cars on the track, worked in the motor industry for over a decade, and was carefree with speed limits before cameras were around (but never received any points on his licence or harmed anyone).

Next time, if there is one, I’ll call an ambulance immediately. That’s probably why those ten minutes felt so awkward, when we went home he was okay and I spoke with mum and suggested he’d had a minor stroke. She wasn’t sure, as he was tired but fully compos mentis. He went to sleep, and the next day was fine, but he should have had a check by a medical practitioner first. I should’ve done that, I would’ve if he’d turned for the worse in any way, but I should’ve done so anyway.

5

Thanks, dad’s doing fine. He was back to his old self the next day, I was all ready to call an ambulance if he’d shown any deterioration over his previous times he’d had a stroke. He didn’t but I was very ready to call if he showed anything over stumbling over his words. I should’ve called immediately, he might not have woken up the next day (apparently many don’t, I’ve just read). Fortunately he has a good GP and the local pharmacy - and almost everyone in the village - know him well, and as most in the village are old-timers they’ll be more prepared than I was.