viva, you have done the most loving things that a daughter can ever do. I hope that you can take comfort in that in the days ahead. Peace to all of your family.
Hello again, everyone, and thanks again for all of your kind words and thoughts. I really appreciate them.
We are dazed but functioning okay, trying to keep busy, wrapping up all of the tedious but necessary phone calls and paperwork. Cremation and interment take place this week, but we are going to wait until the permanent marker is placed, in about a week or so, before we (immediate family) go out to the cemetery.
Some folks seem surprised that we are not having a funeral service or memorial of some kind, but we convey to them that Dad did not want that, Mom can’t take it (her asthma has already flared up a bit from the emotional stress, and she certainly does not need a full-on attack), and I am not up for it either. We do, however, welcome visitors, emails, cards, flowers, and food. The neighbors and relatives have been very good about all of this.
I have a few questions for those who have gone through the death of a parent or other close family member:
1. Did you keep all of the deceased person's clothes, etc., for a while? Donate them eventually? Offer them to remaining family? Keep them?
2. Mom has already notified the various places like insurance companies, annuity agencies, Blue Cross, Social security/Medicare, newspaper obit, bank, and STRS. Is there any entity that we may have left out?
3. I've been in a brain fog....entering the wrong PIN at the ATM, forgetting things easily, drove in a circle and out of my way without realizing it at first, etc. I understand that it is normal, but roughly how long should I expect it to continue?
Thanks for any suggestions you may have.
My heartfelt condolences, vivalostwages.
Touchy subject in my family. My mother went away a few months after Dad died and some family members went to her house and cleaned his things out. My mom was very upset. I think this is something your mom will have to decide for herself. Some people like to discard things immediately so they can feel the closure. Others will want to cling.
Everyone is different. For me, I was in a state of shock from December 18, the day he died, until Christmas Day when I completely broke down into a screaming mess. In between there, I felt pretty normal, really. On Christmas, it suddenly hit me that I would never see him again and I just lost it entirely.
Your fog might be a protective layer your mind has put up to try to cushion the fall. It’s important that you take your time and don’t try to push yourself into “getting over it” too quickly. We all have our own processes to go through.
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, though your father is no longer suffering.
My mom waited a few weeks and then donated them. It took some time for her to go through other things - it was several years before his tools and stuff were gone through and my brother had to do that - he also helped her with the stuff in the attic. Most of it was donated, though - that’s what he would have wanted she thought.
Any professional organizations he might have belonged to - oh, and old jobs - my dad used to work for our village, and we let them know. You can’t think of everything right away. Take it slow. 
It’s different for everyone, viva - I was ok after my dad died - long enough to get my mother through things. Then, I lost it, and it lasted for a few weeks. When I say “lost it” I mean the fog you’re talking about - after that, I kind of got better, but would still have crying jags like jsgoddess mentioned.
She’s so right - you have to go through what you have to go through, and it isn’t the same for everyone, and don’t let anyone tell you it’s time to “get over it”.
Take it easy - feel free to email me if you want to talk, cry, laugh, rant, rave, or just need a hug.
Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.
You and your family are in my thoughts, vivalostwages. My condolences.
You have my sympathies, viva.
It must be horrible to see a parent’s mental health deteriorate, as it does in Alzheimers.
My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope you find a source of strength and peace to help you through this.