…The first one since he passed away in September.
I plan to call my Mom, of course, but it’ll be weird. “Hi, Mom! Happy dead husband’s birthday!” Okay, maybe not* that *weird, but it’s hard to know what to say. I can’t let the day pass without acknowledging it, though.
I suppose I’ll just say I’m thinking about them both and ask how she’s doing. Shit, this still sucks. Does it get easier with time?
Yes. Every now and then I mention to my mom that I’ve been thinking about dad, something he said or did that I remember. How can that be bad if it’s a good memory?
It’s been 5 years. I don’t call on dad’s birthday anymore. I do call on their anniversary though.
Your mom will appreciate a call Wheelz.
Of course it gets easier with time: what doesn’t?
14 years for me, and I still call on his birthday, the anniversary of his death and their wedding anniversary. I don’t necessarily say anything particular, just the contact is enough for both of us. It really does get easier Wheelz, bear in mind that till September you’ve just got a lot of firsts to get through.
Yeah, I know. I’ve just been wallowing a bit lately, sorry.
My dad died about a year and a half ago, and it was a rough way of going, especially for my mom. Getting through all the firsts was hard – Dad’s birthday, Father’s Day, their anniversary – but it was worth the call or visit every time. We talked about Dad, celebrated in some small ways, usually cried, and while for a long time it felt like picking at a scab, it’s feeling more like helping one heal lately. It’s tough, but it does get better. Just be patient with her and yourself.
Ugh. My dad died on my mom’s birthday.
Probably even on days that have nothing to do with your dad.
My dad joined a couple of bereavement support groups when Mom passed away. They do him a world of good. Is your mother involved in anything of that nature?