My uncle Mike died yesterday afternoon. While trying to help a neighbor start his lawn mower, he collapsed and died apparently of a heart attack. The neighbor says that the last thing Mike said was, “Don’t get old.”
I’m now thinking about how to follow that advice in some other manner than dying young.
Never stop learning. Never say, “I can’t understand [whatever], it’s too hard, it’s too much trouble. I’ll get someone else to [fill out the forms/program the clock/follow the recipe/learn this new program].”
Please accept my condolences.
I work with elderly people, and have learned a couple of things about getting old happily. So far, my wisdom pretty much extends to:
Get a hobby of some sort. If you don’t like music or tv or reading or plants or your cat or something, you will have a hard time filling the hours.
Learn to read Braille when you can still manage it. I’ve had a couple of clients who couldn’t read anymore. Books on tape are great–until you can’t hear anymore either. Then you just sit and think, and sometimes that gets really lonely and miserable.
Cultivate friendships. You may not have those friends later, but the skills you develop in friendship may be invaluable if you find yourself in assisted living.
Seek out the best doctors available to you and follow their advice. My dad has been having trouble with his eyes (glaucoma, macular degeneration), but thanks to the care of really excellent doctors, he still has good vision in both eyes.
ETA: yes, this probably means losing a few pounds, eating better, stopping smoking if you do, etc.
Stay active. There are many things you can do such as walking or cycling. I also support getting involved in some volunteer work. Help is always needed in animal welfare advocacy.
My condolences on the loss of your uncle, Boyo Jim!
My mother-in-law died a few weeks ago. She was not very happy the past 10 or 15 years, since her husband died, and she was relatively young (72).
What’s been going through me and Mr. Athena’s minds:
For God’s sake, don’t smoke. Her husband died from a heart attack almost certainly from secondhand smoke, she died from a heart attack even more certainly from her pack-a-day habit.
Eat well and exercise some. She ate like a child, living on Little Debbie snacks, Pepsi, and fast food.
Don’t be scared of the medical community at large. If we could have convinced her to go to a doctor, she’d almost certainly be alive today. She refused, though at least 4-6 times a year Mr. Athena offered to set up the appointment, drive her there and back, and pay anything her insurance didn’t cover.
Go see a therapist if you’re depressed or uneasy for years on end. Her children all have strong suspicions that she suffered from depression or a mild mental issue (Apserger’s, maybe?) most of her life. If she’d sought treatment at some point, she would probably have been a much happier person.
Keep your mind active. Get a hobby. Don’t sit in your apartment watching TV all day for 20+ years. Take part in social gatherings even if you suspect you might not enjoy them. Make friends. In general, take part in life.
It’s really sad even writing this; there were so many things that she refused to do that would have made her life a lot more happy, but she simply couldn’t be troubled to push herself at all (thus, the suspicion that she was clinically depressed for a long, long time.) She was a smart woman, and could be a joy to be around, but most of the time sat in her apartment, watching TV, and refusing to interact with the world at large.
Sorry for your loss, Boyo Jim. But it does seem that your uncle had a great sense of humor to part with those words. There are plenty of ways to not get old as we continue to age.
There’s a saying in my skiing crowd (and many other groups, I’m sure) that you don’t stop skiing because you get old, you get old because you stop skiing. Obviously it’s not skiing for all people but find what gives you joy and keep doing it.
Don’t be closed minded, and do something ridiculous every now and then. Not suicidally ridiculous, just something to help you laugh at yourself. And I’m sorry for your loss, Boyo Jim.
I guess this is a good opportunity to quote my father: “Adulthood is a cruel hoax.”
I met an 89-year-old gentleman (he really was) at a 4th party; somebody said something about of course you’re retired and his opinion was that if you are retired, you are dead. So he’s not retired. Old, yes, doesn’t work, yes, but he lives on his own and seems to be having a great time. I wish I could introduce him to my grandma.
I’m sorry for your loss, but I admit I laughed at his last words. Pretty funny.
I’m not sure exactly how old he was, but I’ll find out at the wake on Friday. At least in his mid 70s. He was my dad’s younger brother and my dad died nearly 10 years ago at age 79.
My condolences. Was it Twain who said “Youth is wasted on the young”? We all have plenty of time to be dead - we should make each moment count here in life, if we can.