We had a family reunion today. My grandmother asked me if I had a girlfriend. I scoffed and said no. She asked why I put it like that, and I replied “because the notion of any girl wanting anything to do with me is laughable.” She asked if I ever had one, I said no. She couldn’t believe a 22 year old would go through life without a girlfriend and wound up telling the whole party. My uncles started making fun of my dad for it, and he tried to damage control.
“Well you’ve had a few flings, right Phil?”
“C’mon, what about that girl from school?”
“Dad, you and I both know there is no girl from school or anywhere else. No female wants anything to do with me.”
Then he got mad and we left, and he’s still mad. I took away his ability to brag about me.
…just when I was beginning to think I was worth a fuck after all, too.