My evil wish just came true.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

For years I’d dreamt of my ex-wife’s new husband being dead.
(He was the “other man” that caused our divorce.)
In my dreams, it was usually me killing him, making it look like a fishy accident and having my ex take the fall for it.
Typical divorce fantasy.

I’d been pleased last year when I’d heard that his business was declining and my ex was pissed over having to live “below her expectations”.

So today he killed himself. O.D.'d with antidepressants on Tax Day.
Left a note saying he was beyond bankruptcy, and well into criminal malfeasance.

So, am I thrilled?

I would have thought so, but instantly I see another aspect or two.
First, I shouldn’t blame him at all for the divorce, since she had been cheating on both of us, telling him she was single and I was her mean brother who made demands on her time.
Also, while I’m happy she’s going to be poor, this impacts our kids, on their own but barely self-supporting. What if she leans on them to support her?

Guess that’s the trouble with evil dreams, they might come true.

2

Get a therapist. You have issues you need to deal with.

3

3… 2… 1…

I shouldn’t even reply, but damn man.

How can you be happy about this? The effects on your children, on the woman you (supposedly) once loved.

Sick.

4

Dude, maybe you could wish me into finding a job next?

5

Troll? What troll?

/me smacks self upon side of head

6

Oh come on, lads.

The great majority of people “wish” someone dead at one stage in their life. (Or is that just me, then?)

I myself had these elaborate fantasies of pushing my ex-boyfriend/stalker off the university library steps when I was younger (when no one could see us) and got over it with no therapy whatsoever. There is no way in hell would I ever have done it by the way.

And the whole points of the post was to express alarm now that the person has died. Of course she did not really want him to die. It all seems a normal reaction to issues that would provoke strong emotional responses to me.

Extendid, I can see how you would feel a bit funny about all this, but don’t guilt trip yourself over it. This unfortunate man’s faith was of his own making and has nothing to do with your wishes.

7

Where is he saying he’s happy or exhibiting troll-like behavior??? He’s saying just the opposite.

As far as the OP goes, sorry to hear of it for the sake of your kids especially. And it’s normal to have bad thoughts given the situation. I think it’s also normal to want to blame the third party as opposed to your wife or even yourself if you had any responsibility. Glad you’ve realized that your wife is probably more at fault than this guy. I’ve had some not so nice thoughts about my future-ex for good reason. BUT if something really happened to him, I know that I would not in fact be happy. Evil fantasies are a way of coping with the pain.

8

Oh, yes. When I was taken in by a con-man, I said, “Don’t prosecute this poor fellow. I was friends with him once.”

9

What a bitter, sad person you must be to take such joy in other’s misery.

Regardless of your feelings towards your ex-wife she is the MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN and you should treat her with respect as such. (Just as she should have treated you when you were her husband).

I absolutely detest my ex-husband but he is my son’s (who I love with all my heart) father. Because of that I choose to put my personal feelings aside and tolerate him because I love my child. I hope to God you don’t express your feeling of joy about this situation with your kids.

I understand you are hurt but don’t let all that bitterness eat you up inside.

10

My impression of the OP was that he isn’t happy at all about this event. Instead, it’s made him realize that he shouldn’t have been mad at “the other man” all this time. His kids are grown and self-supporting, and so the financial situation won’t hurt them unless their mother tries to get money from them. Overall, it sounds like he’s realized the tragedy in what he had idly wished for.

11

I would tend to agree with you on most point, Ferret Herder but the part about him being happy his ex is going to be poor and the whole tone of the post just seems really vindictive to me.

I’m not saying his ex was a saint but life is way too short to take such glee in a painful situation.

12

I wonder if the errant wife won plenty in alimony and perhaps the matriminial home, plus the cost of bringing up the kids until they were able to support themselves.

If that is the situation, it could have meant a goodly number of years of a low standard of living for the OP, whilst wifey was also raking it in from the other chap too.

Under those conditions I could well imagine the OP thinking that the wife deserved a little of what he had gone through.

Sometimes, what goes around, comes around.

13

My ex had a fantasy that an ex-friend’s house burned down.

Then the ex-friend’s house really did burn down.

The ex is now dead, but I’ve always had a sneaking suspicion that he had something to do with it. He went on and on about how hard he wished for this to happen, and then suddenly it happened…like he was telepathic or something.

14

Mark Twain, in an 1865 newspaper article, discussed this. Here is an excerpt (copyright expired).

True then, true now.

15

Schadenfreude—it’s what’s for breakfast. Black, with everything.

Maybe a little self-censoring wouldn’t be a bad idea.

16

Wow. So we’re letting threads exist that wish death on people, and express jubilance when they die?

We’re doing that now?

I guess that’s what we do now.

17

While I’m mightily impressed the with Angel reference, Chastain86, I don’t think that’s fair to the OP. He isn’t actually wishing death on anyone, he’s relating a story and even expressing some remorse for his past ill-will. He is recognizing that the issue isn’t black and white and he’s coming to grips with reality.

18

While I think he does seem to express some thought (I wouldn’t really say remorse) at the man being dead now I can’t shake such comments as…

“I’d been pleased last year when I’d heard that his business was declining and my ex was pissed over having to live “below her expectations”.”

And…

“While I’m happy she’s going to be poor…”

Again life is just too short to carry around that kind of stuff. It starts to carry over into your own life after a while.

Maybe I’m completely reading his post wrong. It could happen. :wink:

19

I see nothing wrong at ALL with the way the OP feels now or felt before. He didn’t cause the guy’s death after all and he does realize that it could be a bad thing for his kids.

If my spouse was a cheating liar I’d wish ill on him too.

20

First off. for those who (oddly) don’t think it happened, it did.
For those who think that I think I caused it, no, that would be stupid and I’m not stupid, the wish and the reality coming together was a coincidence and everyone knows that.

Baker - I don’t have issues to deal with. I just dealt with them. I said what I was feeling out loud, got it off my chest, and the feelings drained away. Great therapy, you should try it. You don’t need therapy every time you have mixed emotions and tell people about them.

Eleusis - I think you’re sick. Telling me I don’t care about my kids! How dare you. Of course I do, except they hated the guy with a passion for splitting our family. When they told me about it they were not unhappy, but just worried about their mother. As for the cheap crack that I “supposedly” loved my wife, I really did. But when she left, had a bitterly contested divorce and refused to pay any part of the court-ordered child support I kind of got over that. Excuse me for living.

Snoooopy - We met one time at a Doper party in San Jose. Did you save your button?
Yeah, you need a new job? I got my wish machine right on it!

Eleusis - You’re a moron. You’re the troll in this thread, jumping out of the underbrush to attack me. Grow up. Adult things happen. Suicide happens. When it happens to me I mention it. Got it now? OK. Go back under your bushes until you spot your next victim.

PookahMacPhellimey - Thanks. Sorry about your death wishes, but since you got over them without therapy it just confirms my sense that “therapy” is just a way for the medical establishment to mystify and get money out of ordinary events, that at most could be dealt with by a heart to heart with a friend or clergyman.

Salem - Thanks. I just shifted the focus of the divorce off the other guy onto my ex. It’ll be some time yet before I want to admit I might have had a role in it.
And you’re right, evil fantasies are a way of coping with the pain.

js_africanus - Thanks.

Aries28 Thanks. No, I won’t let the bitterness eat me up. In fact, if the news hadn’t brought all this to the fore, I’d have to admit I hadn’t thought about my ex or that guy for a year.

Ferret Herder thanks. You are absolutely correct.

Aries28 As before, it was a reaction to an event. Glee happens, and sometimes goulish glee happens. You don’t control coincidence. That’s what the OP is saying.

casdave Thanks. Yes, as you have guessed, the ex was a real bitch about money. But she was the one stiffing me on child support. She wanted to play Single to get her guy, and when she got him wanted to play Newlywed, and so I finished raising the teenage kids.

Kalhoun Thanks. Maybe he did have something to do with it, but I’m betting on coincidence again. It’s a powerful force, more powerful than fantasy.

Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor Thanks. That was a good one. Old Mark Twain could really tell 'em.

The Mermaid Thanks.

Chastain86 I think you missed the point.

Homebrew Thanks. You got it right.

Aries28 You again. You had your say, now get off my back. I don’t owe you a special explanation.

Caricci Thanks. And don’t worry, your spouse is one of the good ones.