OK, tired of my own boring self-analysis. Thought I’d turn to the experts.
Ex-boyfriend of seven long, mostly incredible years (breakup was about 14 months ago) married new lady friend yesterday. I didn’t expect to feel so wretched about it.
I did not want him back. I knew every door and window was closed, sealed and double-reinforced on the day he broke up with me over a year ago. I have no lingering desire for him, nor did I have any desire to marry him in the last couple years of our relationship, though at one point in about Year 5, I DID expect that to happen between us, and DID want it very much.
He is not a great partner, and this woman is actually quite brave to take him on. He wanted a woman self-sufficient enough to basically support him, and has wanted that for many, many years now. Guy is nearing 50 and still receives support from his 80-year-old father (or DID, during our relationship, when I could not be expected to pay for something or another). New lady friend is independently wealthy (inherited a tidy sum from her husband who passed away a year and a half ago). He effectively won the lottery with this woman, and is deliriously happy about it, and planning to quit his job soon and “go into business” with her.
Additionally, and to my greater distress, he has spent the months since our break-up assuming I have wanted nothing more than “to be friends” with him, and he has gone out of his way to “stay in touch” via phone, via email, in person where I work, or through our mutual friends. This is a small town and it has been hard to avoid him totally, too. I have done my best to stay away, but even the infrequent bombardment of his presence has made all of this emotionally difficult for me. Still, I felt I was over with any feelings, even nostalgia, for him, for the most part.
I am dating a wonderful man, whom I adore. I wouldn’t trade this new relationship for anything. We are not quite “permanent” yet, and I am not pushing for that, nor ready for it, either. We have spoken about the future, tentatively, and both agree that many things are possible between us.
So WHY am I so wretched? I am thinking it is self-pity. Apparently I could not even BUY myself a boyfriend/husband with the ex-guy. I am 48, and not getting younger or lovelier. I ended up with nothing after 7 years of dedication, loyalty, love, support. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. Or some such crap.
Do you agree with my assessment of self-pity, or is there another reason for my feelings, which I resent even having over this undeserving ex-guy? If you’ve “been here” with me, how did you feel, and how did you resolve your feelings?
Help a sore loser out, huh? I want my sensible, reasoning self back again…