My eyebrows need to DIE

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m just so fucking sick of my eyebrows.

First of all, I have this weird-ass thing where my left side doesn’t match my right side; i.e., my right side is blond in the hair area, and my left side is dark brown. So, my right eyebrow is basically blond, my right eyelashes are blond, the right side of my “mustache” area is blond, and I have blond “patches” in the right side of my hair. (It ends at the head, folks).

Anyhoo, because of this, I’m always trying to balance out my eyes b/c I look slightly lopsided if I don’t. Mascara (and occasional dying) takes care of the eyelashes. Eyebrows? Well, I have died them, too, but I look like a scary freak with died eyebrows for a couple weeks, normal for a week, and then it fades out again.

On top of it, my left (dark) eyebrow grows like a weed and I’m constantly plucking. I’ve tried wax which works ok for a few days, provided the wax isn’t so hot that I burn the ever-loving shit out of my skin, which has only happened enough to leave slight scarring. Because of the aforementioned burning shit out of myself problem, I tend to underheat the wax, which just means that the process eliminates about three hairs.

If I don’t pluck or wax, they grown in, and I look more like a freak because it’s so obvious that one is completely blond and one is completely brown. Electrolysis, you say? It’s on the horizon when I can afford it.

I’ve just had it. Yesterday I did a combo wax-pluck thing and today woke up with a giant brow zit. As such, I would formally like to invite my eyebrows to drop dead.

2

Bettern than nothing. My fine, blond eyebrows make Dick Gephart look like Liam Gallagher… :frowning:

3

I offer my sympathy, and a little advice: Instead of dyeing them, use an angled brush to apply an eyeshadow that mathes the evil brow to darken the lighter one. Eyeshadow is better than a pencil, imo, it looks more natural. It works well for my thin spots.

4

I have heard that these things are sometimes best left to the professionals. Is it costly to have your brows maintained? Or can you just pencil in the color on the light one? I think professional waxing might be a good option for you. Good luck!

5

My Dad’s look like caterpillars having sex.

We had an attorney friend who’s eyebrows, in addition to being quite hairy, would bounce up and down on his animated face when he engaged you in conversation. It really was very distracting and somewhat resembled a bull’s tail shooing flies away.

6

I will try the eyeshadow route. Penciling looks OK in dim lighting but horrible in average light because it’s so obvious. Believe me, I am Queen of facials, etc. I am 37 and have been having my eybrows waxed professionally since I was about 15. The thing about going to have it done is that you have to wait for the evil brows to grow out and in everyday life, with evil eyebrows, that’s just not possible. I’ve always ended up plucking in between so I just decided to forego the professionals.

I curse them and my mother for refusing to fork over her perfect eyebrows.

7

I’m not suggesting you do this but can eyebrows be transplanted? Is there a National Eyebrow Bank or a box next to eyebrows on the organ donation cards?

8

Lieu, I’m not an expert but I think you are talking about the voluntary “Eyebrows are Evil for Some” program. In a nutshell, those who don’t really care about eyebrows donate them to vain people, such as myself. A typical eyebrow is frozen and then implanted into an appropriate candidate.

9

A more natural look for eyebrows is to purchase a brow or eyelash brush, get a little mascara on it, and brush the pale eyebrow hairs with it. That way, the color is in the hair of the brow, not on the skin underneath, and it’s more believable. I’m a colorless blond with thin brows, so I had to learn how to bring them out a bit.

This takes a little practice - too much mascara and you get a Groucho look going.

10

I can’t believe I’m suggesting this, but have you thought about having them permanently tattooed on? My mom had this done because hers were so thin that they were pretty much non-existent. They matched the dye to her hair color, and you seriously cannot tell that they aren’t real.