My fake breast story

I was inspired by a pit thread, reminded of an incident that happened to me a few months ago.

I was at a club, wearing a somewhat tight blue dress and combat boots. The boots were new and giving me a problem: Sock pull. It finally got annoying enough so that I took off my boots and danced around in my socks.

I saw the folly in this quickly- my socks were white and within minutes they were filthy so I knew I couldn’t continue this way, so i took off my socks and put my boots back on. I had no pockets in my dress so I stuffed the socks into my bra for safekeeping.

When the night was over, I was walking down the street and two Italian men passed me, and they unfortunately perpetuated a stereotype:

“Excuse me” One of them said with an accent. “Are those real?”
I am never quick with the clever responses so i stalled, looked down at my boots.
“No, they are not really army issued, I just got them at a thrift store.”
I knew that wouldn’t hold him for long.
He said
“No, not your boots, I meant your (makes a crude gesture here to clarify what he meant). They are so nice. Are they real?”

At this point I remembered I had socks in my bra so I smiled and lowered my head and looked up, trying to be seductive, reached into the front of my dress…

And withdrew a dirty sock and held it out at him with an exaggerated grin.

Normally strangers saying things like that to me offends me a lot, but in this case I couldn’t keep a straight face after i brandished the sock, and neither could this man’s friend. They both burst out laughing and I couldn’t help laughing too.

It made me wish I had a roll of Mentos to hold out proudly to a camera.

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

ROTFLMAO

Turpentine, that is just beautiful. Almost makes me want to try it!!!

You’ve just stumbled upon a great thread title: Mentos Moments. :smiley:

Good one Turpentine! I especially like the part where everyone’s laughing at the end. The best stories end that way. Make sure you write the story in your diary so your grandchildren can appreciate it!

AAA!

That’s great!

Mind if I swipe that situation for a comic strip sometime?

Turp, this reminds me of my all-time favorite offensive question.

I have red hair. I don’t dye it. I do not have any desire to prove this by exposing any other body hair that any man wishes to see, thank you very much.

Great story, and I just wish there was a way to use dirty socks to turn MY offensive ? to laughter.

Hey, now that I think of it, no one has asked me that in ages! Either I am hanging out with a better class of guys, or at my age they just ASSUME my hair is dyed.

Now I am depressed.

Ooo ooo! I used to get that question too, *Scotti. I don’t get it anymore either. Maybe, as guys grow older, they realize that asking that question does NOT produce the desired result.

Well, I guess that is a good thing.

Green Bean, I have decided to assume that you and I are just hanging out with intelligent and mature men who have too much class to be icky.

Yeah, that’s our story, and we’re sticking to it, girlfriend!

Scotti

So why doesn’t either of you ladies have your picture on the SD People Pages so gentlemen (using the term loosely) like me can see your lovely faces, framed by that red hair of yours that is on public view? :slight_smile:

PS - great story, Turp!

LoL, Turpentine!! That’s classic.

::side note to Scotticher and Green Bean:: I dyed my hair red one time and at least 2 dozen people of the male persuasion asked me if “the carpet matches the curtain” the same day I dyed it. :rolleyes:

I wish I had fake breats.s

–TIm

I can’t (snork) really offer (cough) anything but (hnnn-hnnn) this little (he-he-he-he) link.

And i don’t believe there are ANY natural redheads.

Well, bassguy, you will just have to keep thinking that, because no redhead worth her salt is going to be willing to prove it to you.

I certainly decline graciously, and I think I can speak for Green Bean, as well.

Silver Fire- disgusting, wasn’t it?

Reminds me of my ex-boyfriend. A big rolled up pair of socks. Need I say why he’s my ex?

I have a lizard-in-underwear story. Really.
<hijack>

My sister has a fake leg, but sometimes she uses a walker and doesn’t wear the leg. Anyway, one day after a pottery class, some of us crazy pottery students were hanging around. One of the students said he could “hypnotise” (sp?) a lizard. It required you putting it on it’s back, on some paper with some lines drawn on it in a certain way. (No need to go into detail about that.) My sister, who also has bad vision, got up on the table where this “hypnotised” lizard was laying to see it better. Well, you guessed it. The lizard came out of it’s trance, and promptly ran up her legless pant leg. She could not shake it out. She had to hobble to the bathroom, take off her pants. Somehow the lizard had gotten itself in her underwear.

</hijack>

I used to get that a lot too. I figure the reason guys don’t ask me anymore is because I have a big, scary-looking husband now.

ROFL.
That was a great story.
Thanks for telling it.
I wish I could have seen there faces.