My family and my birthday

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This isn’t angry enough for a Pit thread…more pouty, I guess. But it’s bugging me, and so here it is.

I turned 50 yesterday. My mother, whom I share a house with, always gives me a card for my birthday. Not only did I not get a card this year, she didn’t even wish me a happy birthday. She has been a great help to me financially over the years, but she’s unhappy with my son’s behavior lately, so… even though she told me this long, convoluted story last week about going to the library gift shop and getting cards for all the women in her church group for the whole year, and picking out a special card for the woman who likes cats (I have cats), and how the clerk had to help her with the cards because they were up high…she apparently didn’t get a card for me.

My sister, who lives in Nebraska, didn’t call or send a card. Now granted, she’s always late with cards, and she had shoulder surgery last month and might have been so tired after teaching all day that she fell asleep when she got home like she usually does and didn’t remember to call…but she always calls on birthdays. I’m sure my card is lost somewhere in the giant pile of stuff on the dining room table, just like her son’s card was when I visited last year.

My brother, who never sends a card, IM’d me and asked if I was coming over to use his printer. When I got there, he immediately wished me a happy birthday, and then he gave me fresh-baked bread to eat. He had hip replacement surgery last month and we have spent a lot of time talking when I went over to keep him company (babysit) during the first week after his surgery, while his wife and kids were at school. We had a great time talking yesterday.

My son, who is 22 and in the midst of finally moving out, didn’t say a word about my birthday…not even my usual hug and “sorry I didn’t get you anything, Mom.” He wasn’t feeling well, but c’mon, kid…

My daughter and her fiance took me out to dinner. That was very nice. She’s my favorite child right now. I also went to a movie (The Queen) by myself during the day, using a gift card Lillith Fair gave me for Christmas.

My ex-husband…the one who calls me at three a.m. to pledge his undying love and ask forgiveness and beg me to get back together? The one whom I called on HIS birthday last month because I knew he was alone, and going through rehab? He didn’t even call and wish me a happy birthday. This is the same man who gave me better Valentine’s gifts when we were divorced than he ever did while we were married.

My church choir gave me a little party last week…cookies and punch after choir practice. We do a party every month, and I’m the only March baby, so it was all for me. My coworkers gave me some great gifts today…they spent more on me than my entire family did, and there are just the two of them.

We’re not a big party family, but for my brother’s 50th, there was a family dinner/picnic. For my sister’s 50th…well, they live out of state, so there wasn’t much we could do, but there were cards and gifts and phone calls. I didn’t expect a party…everyone’s hurting for money right now, and the only reason my daughter was able to take me to dinner was because her sister-in-law had given them gift cards for Christmas. But I kind of hoped that my mom would say Happy Birthday. And that my sister would call. And that my son would give me a hug. And yes, even that the ex would call. It was embarassing when my coworkers asked what I got for my birthday, and all I could list was a ball of yarn from dear Lillith Fair and a dinner and a slice of bread and butter. I got more birthday greetings from Dopers in a thread about the lottery, and birthday emails from companies.

I know it’s crude to expect gifts, or cards, and I really didn’t. I know everyone’s finances, and I know everyone’s style. But 50 is kind of a big one. And I guess my disappointment really comes down to my mom and my sister. And I’m mad at myself for even thinking about whining about this. I know my family loves me. But at times like this, I just really feel how isolated and alone I really am in the grand scheme of things. Last year on my birthday, I had a relationship and a sex life and a slight giddiness at a hint of a rosier future. Within a week of my birthday the relationship was yanked out from under me, and there began months of sadness and worry and anxiety. I’ve gotten over all that, but the one-year anniversary of it all has kind of knocked me flat a bit.

I’ll know that next week I’ll have put it all behind me again. And I’ll have forgotten and forgiven all this hurt I’m feeling right now. And next week I’ll give my coworker two lovely gifts for her birthday, which will join the huge pile she’ll get from her family (I swear, nobody beats her family for gift-giving. When we were at her baby shower, my gift was the only one that was a single item. Every other gift she received was a basket of coordinated gifts, or a collection, or a stack, or an arrangement. I gave her a baby bathtub, period. I neglected to include baby wash, baby shampoo, washcloths, towels, tub toys and coordinating shower curtain and bathmat and bathrobes for the whole family. I’m such a slacker).

Thanks for letting me whine. Please don’t come in here with any birthday congrats, because I’m not fishing for them, and you’ll just make me feel worse. I’m just glad to have a place where I can vent.

So has anyone else had a sucky birthday lately and feel bad for feeling bad about it? I hear tell of people who actually throw hissy fits if they don’t get a party and gifts, and people trip all over themselves to make them happy again, and I wonder whether my life would be any different if I was made that way. Share your tales of sad and depressing birthdays, or of dealing with a birthday diva.

2

I’ve had a few rotten birthdays a few years ago: one spent cleaning up dog barf during a road trip (she puked 3 times in 60 miles), having my mother decline to have lunch with me (so I had lunch at the mall by myself), and then loading our van with my jewelry-selling outdoor booth stuff (usually a two-person job) while Mr. S slept after working a 12-hour night shift. And then driving all night to get to the festival in the morning.

The next (or preceding, I don’t quite remember which) year was much the same deal, only this time my birthday was spent making the 8-hour drive. By the time we got there and got set up, we were too tired even to open and enjoy the bottle of bubbly I’d brought. :frowning:

Usuallu Mr. S is very attentive – takes the day off and we go do something fun of my choosing – but those years just sucked. We don’t do that festival anymore.

On another note, at least yesterday was a red-letter day of sorts arounf here: I realized a few days ago that it was my (late) grandmother’s 100th birthday. So you were born on her 50th! (Yeah, I know, big whoop.)

3

No rotten birthday stories to share here, but

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, kittenblue!

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Aww, sorry to hear that your birthday was disappointing. Belated birthday wishes from me, for whatever it’s worth. :slight_smile:

I can kind of relate. My birthday is around Christmastime, so it’s pretty common for most people to forget about me because they have other holiday plans going on. One year, I had to buy my own birthday cake for myself.
It helps to remember that some people just don’t think of birthdays as being a big deal and don’t realize it hurts when they neglect to acknowledge it.

I find it hard to believe that your mom intentionally wanted to snub you. Are you sure it’s not just a case of a lapse in memory?
In your sister’s case, if she did the same thing evne to her son, it sounds to me like it’s just a case of her not considering birthdays as much of a priority as you do.

Anyway, I hope that next year’s bday is a happier one for you. :slight_smile:

5

I’m not a big birthday person, and I don’t expect anything for my birthday from anyone (in fact, generally prefer to get nothing because I’m picky), but I still feel a bit hurt? lonely? something when it’s not acknowledged. My parents will usually make plans for my birthday – we’ll set a date for lunch or dinner or something near my birthday – and in their minds that means that they don’t have to do or say anything on the actual day. And, I get you, it’s not like it matters. It’s just another day. But my sister always, always calls me and sings happy birthday on my birthday, no matter what. There was one time, pre cell phones, when I was out of town on my birthday. I came home, and she’d sung to my answering machine. My brothers are more spotty about it. But my sister never forgets.

So I know what you mean. It isn’t the cards, or gifts, or anything else; it’s the acknowledgement once a year of “your” day. And all it has to be is a happy birthday. Just a reminder that they’re thinking of you.

So, although this doesn’t help: happy birthday, kittenblue.

6

Here’s a lovely one. The SO had departed a month before to go teach at a school in the far north. The relationship had been rocky but he was supposed to be gone for 6 months after which we were to give it another try after he got treatment for his condition. Comes my birthday and I heard from all the usual folks but not even an email from him in the morning. Nor during the day. Nor a call after work. Nor anything at all in the evening.

About 9 pm I try to call him. No answer. 10 pm same. He’s not one to go out late or stay out late. 11 pm same. And so forth. 2 am I’m sick with worry - he had emailed me a day or two before and sounded fine - made no mention of going anyplace. So I call the police detachment where he is (a tiny tiny place a couple hours’ drive from any sort of actual town). They drive by his place and say the car’s there but nobody’s answering. Oh, I forgot to mention he’s asthmatic. So I’m in a total state figuring he’s dead on the floor of an asthma attack.

Sunumabeetch calls me around noon the next day. He went into town with some friends and they stayed overnight. ‘Forgot’ my birthday - this guy with the memory problems who writes himself weekly reminders for a month before anybody’s birthday. That was the final straw on top of all that had gone before he left. I told him that was the end.

Two weeks later I checked his website because he said he’d be putting up photos of the Northern Lights. What’s on his site was not illuminated night sky but photos of him cuddling with someone on his couch (remember, he’s been gone a whole six weeks at this point). Then I try to call him to tell him I’ve got a bill for him that might need to be paid before the bill could reach him (mail to that place is very slow). The phone is redirected. I call the new number and it’s a woman’s answering machine. :mad: Schmuck.

It made me feel a lot less guilty about dumping him, though. Still, spending my birthday worried sick over a twit like that was not my idea of a good time.

7

If your life were a sitcom, this could ONLY mean one thing - you will be having the most wonderful, grandiose surprise birthday parties EV-AR this Saturday and everyone who blew you off this week (even the sister in Nebraska) will be there and you’ll all have a good laugh over how sad you were and how fun it was to surprise you and of COURSE they love you and it’ll end in a huuuuge group hug!

…

I’ll be tuning in next week to read your post about it :slight_smile:

8

KB- Happy Birthday!

For my 30th birthday, of which I was not looking forward to, for reasons I won’t go in to… my parents didn’t call me or come over (they live 1/4 mile away from us), My husband didn’t get me anything- he did tell me happy birthday though, his parents forgot my birthday (they live about 5 miles away) and not a peep out of most of my friends. My sister sent me a Happy B-day text message and my sister in law called and wished me a happy birthday (at the time she lived 5 doors down from us)

My husband didn’t get me a card or flowers, which I have come to expect NOT to get, because thats just not him. I was so depressed. He left the house because I was being all pathetic and mopey. He came home a while later with a cheesy card, some ice cream and a Barrel of Monkeys game. I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry, so I did both. He did make up for his lapse with a nice gift from Tiffany’s.

I didn’t hear from my parents for a couple of days, they just forgot. Hello… how do you forget :confused:

I got no acknowledgment from his parents for almost 3 weeks.

Mr. Geek has a communication problem. I think he is allergic to the phone, so I know he didn’t ring up his parents and say… he you know LVs birthday was yesterday…or whatnot. (He forgot to tell them when his college graduation ceremony was until the night before.)

I am mostly over it. It was a bad birthday. I hate 30. Hopefully 31 will be a better birthday. I guess I’ll find out in approximately 3 months :dubious:

9

ooh ooh ooh! I have one to share! Five years ago I was dying of the flu at home in bed and my husband forgot it was my birthday and didn’t come home after nightshift because he was busy banging a co-worker in his work carpark (he claimed he was comforting her, her because life at home was hard for her at that time, but apparently the only way to comfort her was to have her reclined on the front seat, must make the sad person feel happier or something …) That was a very sucky birthday. Anyway, I felt better after warming myself by the fire on the back lawn fuelled by his clothes.

Sorry Kitten - I’ve never shared that story, but if you ask the ex, it was his clothes, his cd’s (schmuck - does he realise how hard they are to light?), his computer, his Marshall amplifier, his books … but nope - just his clothes!

You should do something nice and celebrate your birthday by the Chinese calendar or some other calendar. Hell - invent a new Kittenblue calendar and take yourself away for the weekend. Send yourself flowers, go to a day spa, lay round in a motel suite pretending you are a rock star and book up room service. Oh - and don’t forget to buy the winning tattslotto ticket to pay for this indulgence!

10

kittenblue, I’m thirty-all next wednesday and I’m likely to get more notice from the Dope than from my family. Actually, I’m one of my family’s proponents of gettind rid of birthdays altogether… it’s pretty tiresome to have several relatives who can’t be bothered at all for others but who expect others to go to the end of the world in order to find the perfect pair of gloves.

So yeah, I understand the problem. That said,

Cumpleaños feliz,
cumpleaños feliz,
te deseamos tooodoooooooos
¡cumpleaños feliiiiiiiiz!