My Father Died - Funeral Fun!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Locrian, I’m so sorry for your loss.

-When my grandmother died (at age 94), her funeral was on an extremely wet, extremely snowy day. We were going to have a traditional grave-side prayer service while they lowered the casket in. Well, the funeral home got word that it would have to be on the OTHER side of the drive, as the grave had caved in – twice. My mother said she was probably trying to tell us she wasn’t ready to go yet.

-At my grandfather’s funeral (he died a month AFTER my grandmother, although this was on the other side of the family), my cousin went on a beer run and we kept going outside to the trunk of his car and helping ourselves. Until my mother saw us and pointed out that my dad’s boss had just stopped by.

-I wasn’t there, but apparently at my great-grandmother’s funeral, right before they left the church, two of my aunts threw themselves on the coffin and started wailing and crying “MAMA!!! OH MAMA!!!” My grandfather started laughing.

My dad’s a funeral director and he has a whole bunch of stories.

22

Air ye Irish? By that I’d say yes. Dad had a good run, so let it flow. They’ll laugh, they’ll cry, and all and sundry will say it was a proper sendoff.

If ye’r not, I don’t know the answer. Other funerals I’ve been to have been boring. No flair, just a bunch of mopey Protestants. :frowning:

I had to jump through hoops to get The Battle Hymn of the Republic sung at me dad’s, but he made me promise. A rousing “Glory, glory, hallelujah!” will get the crowd on their feet.

23

I am so sorry for your loss.

we had, I think, 3 days of visitation for my dad, probably one day too many. My sisters and I decided on a closed casket to the vocal disapproval of his siblings (most of whom had not seem him alive in many years :rolleyes:), so we allowed a private viewing by those who wished to do so. One sister remarked that the poor man was going to catch cold, what with all the opening and closing of the casket.

My ex stepmother stole the flag off the casket. I wouldn’t have cared but it was the same flag that was on my grandfather’s casket and it should have gone to the next oldest brother (my uncle) or the next oldest son (my half-brother.)

Afterwards, my sisters and I agreed that we were content & pleased that no one pulled a knife

24

At my husband’s funeral, I kept hearing a soft, but perfectly audible, beep every few minutes. After wishing someone would turn off their damn phone, I realized it was MY phone, parked in my handbag with my mom a few rows behind me. Oops.

25

My mother-in-law died at 10 years ago, age 76. As we gathered around the gravesite with the urn containing her ashes, her youngest son, age 43, drove up and got out of his car. He was walking funny–arms stiff, legs locked at the knees–lumbering like Frankenstein’s monster. When he got closer, we could see why:his suit was so tight he couldn’t bend his limbs. The jacket was so tight across his chest he could hardly breathe and the pant legs and sleeves were about 2 inches too short. We asked him, what the hell? He burst out laughing and said “mom insisted on buying me a suit when I was 19. I said it was stupid, where would I wear a suit? ‘Wear it to my funeral,’ she snapped. Here I am.”

Hope this helps a little.

26

I wasn’t there, but this is the story my mom tells about the disposal of her mother’s cremains. This happened roughly 30 years ago.

My grandmother was a Auntie Mame-esque character (especially to me as a kid–I was her favorite!). She drank a lot; life time smoker (she wanted cigarettes even when she had ended up in an oxygen tent.) She was flamboyant and fun.

She didn’t take good care of herself and it caught up with her and she died. She tried to donate her body to science and they refused, is how the story goes. So she was cremated and a fun memorial service was held. In the classic someone you don’t know shows up and knows the person, this older guy that no one knew showed up and told fun stories about her.

So my mom and her sister and brother are going to scatter the cremains. My mom is driving as she is a take charge person and my aunt is next to her in the front seat. My uncle Brian is in the back seat.

So they’re driving and my mom goes:
Oh, Brian, do you have mom in the back seat with you?

(Now, my uncle Brian is the kind of guy that can tell you a story that will make you laugh, cry, cry harder, laugh, think, and then laugh harder. ) So he launches into a story about how Mom is in the back seat with him–what outlandish thing she’s wearing–the drink and the cigarette she’s gesturing with–whatever odd topic she’d pick to talk about. He paints such a great picture everyone is giggling and tearing up.

Mymom: Oh, Brian <sniffling> Oh thank you. I feel so much better, I think we all do. But…you know…you DO *actually *have Mom back there, right?

Brian: Uhhh, do you mean her remains? Nnnnooooo… I thought YOU guys had her in the front se

at?

Mymom: You’d better not be joking, you little asshole.

Brian: I do not have Mom’s remains, I thought you two got them! You know I’m not responsible! The last place I saw them was on the table in the front room!

So they ended up having to turn around and go back and start the whole trek over again.

(Everyone involved was in their thirties, so no excuses.)
Locrian, of course I’m sorry for your loss and you’re getting some good advice. Grief hits in odd places. Take care of yourself. Hug!

27

From my Dad’s funeral.

One of his brothers was among other things a writer and poet. After the funeral he was going on about how Dad was “the last of the true hidalgos”, the last true gentleman. And I said “no”.

“What, are you saying your father wasn’t a gentleman?”

“No, I’m saying you didn’t know his friends”. I looked around and said “without moving from the spot and without counting you uncles since you haven’t, I count at least four living ones.”

And my mother came out from the basin of tears in which she’d been drowning, to look at a group of three and say “true”.

There are still gentlemen around… it’s only that by their very nature, they are discreet.

28

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, Locrian.

My family is pretty irreverent, preferring to laugh rather than cry - or at least as soon after crying as possible. At the graveside portion of my grandmother’s funeral I was seated beside one of my aunts. While others were being seated I was looking around at the other gravestones. I gently elbowed my aunt, pointed to a gravestone that said “HEAD” and whispered “I wonder where they buried the rest of him?”. A minute later, she gently elbowed me and silently pointed to a gravestone inscribed “FOOTE”. It was all we could do to not giggle out loud.

29

My condolences. My step-father passed last week and the funeral was this past Saturday. No funny stories from that one, but it was a lovely service and very well attended.

My grandfather was never late to anything in his entire life. Except to his own funeral. My sister had the cremains and her car broke down on the way to the burial in his hometown. He was an hour late. :slight_smile:

30

Condolences.

A minor funeral faux pas and a story I think I’ve told on the Dope before.

When my father died in his early eighties, it turned out that his funeral was the first either myself or my two brothers had attended. (Our mother had died too young for us to attend her’s and in the other cases of deaths of people I knew the funerals had been very far away.) We’re British, so there was no issue of viewings or whatever. Just the funeral service and the burial. The three of us realise that we are essentially going to just have to wing what everybody else present will no doubt regard as obvious.
Everything runs smoothly until the end. We’re at the graveside and the coffin is at the bottom of the hole. As the final gesture, we’re invited to toss a handful of dirt in. I’m the oldest son, acting as senior mourner alongside Dad’s elderly sister. So I go first. I then have the presence of mind to realise that it’s surely my next duty, while the others are doing the dirt thing, to thank the presiding Church of Scotland minister for conducting the service. Except I’ve got a hand covered in muck, with no means of cleaning it. I take the snap decision that she’s the professional who’ll have had this happen to her before and so simply proffered the mucky hand for her to shake while I expressed our thanks.

Any such future occasion, I’ll make sure I have a hanky.

31

You have my condolences. My paternal grandmother died when I was 19 and it was the first funeral I had any role in planning. We couldn’t decide on a casket until selecting her outfit so it didn’t clash with the lining. :smack: My sister had to go back to her house and bring several outfits back to the funeral home, and then we had to figure out which dress went best with which dress/casket combo looked best. It was very surreal. It was also my first time as a pallbearer and I managed to avoid crying right up until were loading her into the hearse.

Oh, and this all took place Thanksgiving weekend. She had advanced Alzheimer’s & Pancreatic cancer & was basically comatose by then. In order to get my grandfather to eat dinner with the family we had to set her up in my brother’s living, while the adults took turns sitting with her (not enough room in the dining room, also we didn’t want her to die in front of the little kids while they were eating). I was supposed work Black Friday (mandatory for the entire store). Naturally my supervisor wasn’t thrilled when I called off, then I told that we’re all sitting in front of my grandmother’s deathbed waiting for her to die. The was an awkward pause before she started stammering condolence and said of course I should take as much time off as a I needed. In retrospect I really wish I could have seen her face during that conversation.

32

I’m very sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing.

I don’t have any funny funeral stories, but my husband recently arranged for his uncle to be buried in a military graveyard. It wasn’t too horrible to set up, and the service was very nice. We had a little kerfuffle when we wanted to go to the gravesite itself and toss a few shovels of dirt over the coffin. They hadn’t been expecting that. But it’s standard for a Jewish funeral, and several relatives would have been upset if we hadn’t been able to do it. They were quite nice, and we had to wait a bit for them to set things up, but they did accommodate us. I was really very impressed at how well the military graveyard treated us.

33

Hey, thank you! You just identified for me one of those songs whose English name I never knew (even though in this particular case I did know the original language was English). The link is to a version of the lyrics which is definitely not sung in church, although for some people it would be perfectly appropriate.

34

Wow! Thanks so much to everyone for the wishes, prayers, and best thoughtsz. My family is enjoying the stories so much, my mom may actually try to staying in pajamas this week and read the crosswords. She’s done so much daily traveling to the hospitals, I’m sure I agree with her on that.

It was definitely bittersweet seeing my father at the first wake tonight. I was sad because he looked ten years younger, and not as frightful in the hospital. So my tears were for full relief for him.

Tomorrow we have the second viewing followed burial funeral mass. Inurnment is later this month. Mom doesn’t was a keep the ashes because they’ll break.��

35

See? I’ve been saying church is dangerous! On Mom’s day, my mother stumbles out through the congregation. She simply slid, knocked her head down and got some road rash injury on her forehead.

So emergency room checks her out after clear CT scan. In my deceased dad’s voice I say, I THOUGHT WE AGREED ON NO MORE HOISPITALS!!!" We still got MD Day dinner.
Thanks again to all. We really appreciate the stories and blessings. :slight_smile:

36

Ha!

This almost happened with my stepdad’s dad - he’d been cremated, the memorial service was several months later, and Jim’s ashes were going to be scattered at sea.

So the time comes, everyone has left the condo for the dock except for me, my mom, my stepdad, and the widow. We’re all packed in and about to pull out when Jim’s wife’s eyes go wide. “OH! Kevin! The ASHES!!!” :eek::eek::eek::smack::smack::smack:

Soooo my dad went back into the house to grab the guest of honor, and all was well. However, if we’d managed to get out to sea with everyone thinking someone else had the ashes…well…that would have been difficult.

37

All dopers are always fantastic. All these posts helped me and my family the last few days. Sorry I haven’t gotten back to give my thanks sooner. The services were wonderful, full of family and friends. Plus the military honors (Korean War Vet) were astoundingly perfect.

The cancer killed him. And being 88 years old on top of that made it-- well you know. I am very glad to know my dad is out of misery in that goddamn hospital bed. He is at peace and all of you helped in this.

My funny story: My uncle share his story of how his wife’s family died: One day after his 72nd birthday, another 13 days afte his 72nd birthday, and yet another one month (if he remembers correctly) 20 days after his 72nd birthday. So… at 71 years old, my uncle freaks out and calls the lawyers for a will because it’s coming for him. :smiley: He’s 80 years old now and looking great. He is also relieved that my dad is no longe miserable in that damn hospital.

Thanks to all of you again. You’ve helped give me peace too. ������

38

Locrian, I’m sorry. Losing a parent isn’t something I’d wish anyone to have in common with me.

As for funny funeral stories, I don’t have funny, but I do have odd. My paternal grandfather - a man I’d only met a handful of times - had a lot of his third wife’s relatives at his funeral, none of whom I’d ever seen before. For reasons I still don’t understand, after the funeral, but before they lowered his casket into the ground, these in-laws of his decided to take lots of pictures of the casket, and a few of them seemed to be of them posing with it. I don’t know, maybe this is normal for a protestant funeral (I’ve only gone to Catholic funerals before/since) but it struck me as very odd. Who wants a picture of them hanging out with an in-law’s casket?

39

My dad had been a member of an unofficial military pilots group that met at a coffee shot once a month for breakfast and an hour or so of BS’ing. He’d been doing that for several years so when his funeral came around, many of them came. They signed the guest book and it was later given to my mom. Weeks later she had it out while I was at her house and she pointed out his friends from the group. When she got to one name, and I don’t remember it, she said, this man was a German fighter pilot, an ace no less, who had fought on the Russian front. I remember my dad talking about him and what he had to say about the Me 109, a plane he (the ace) totally loved.

40

It must be peculiar to the family. I’m Protestant and I’ve NEVER seen that!:stuck_out_tongue: