My fucking family is insane

The BBQ Pit
1

I cant sleep till I unload - and SUPRISE - here I am. My fucking family is crazy, goddamn cetifiable.

In a few hours I will put my mother in the ground. My family is insane.

Mom died Monday night, this is Friday night, I have heard from ONE of her 7 brothers and sisters, and it was actually the WIFE of that one.

Mom left explicit instructions on every detail, every fucking little detail. Her sisters took care of all the arrangements, I didnt get to do a damn thing. Mom said NO WAKE, so instead of sharing stories and tears with family for three days, I have been home alone. Thanks Mom.

See, she didnt want to BURDEN ME with this stuff when she died - HAHAHAHHAHAAHAH burden me??? OMG I would KILL for something to do so I dont lose my fucking marbles.

but no, she had it all planned out. So her well meaning sisters-from-hell took over, they even picked out the flowers from MY CHILDREN!!!

It gets better;

My mom and dad divorced 17 years ago, and my sainted stepdad ( I wish so bad he was my father!) cared tenderly for my mother as she slipped into some bitchy evil shell of her former self, never ONCE complaining. I cant say ANYTHING to him about all this, as I would cut off my leg befoe I would hurt that man - ANYWAY, my FATHER (the man who LEFT US) is coming to the funeral, not so weird???
He is BRINGING the SLUT he left us for!!! My mother hated that woman with every fiber of her being! AND - here is the kicker: Dad and her arent even together anymore - they broke up!!! (insert scream of rage)

Here is MORE!!! mom recorded the music for the funeral (thorough eh?) and now my former Uncle “R” wanted to sing between parts of the service. Charming, as he LEFT my aunt and her THREE little boys for some SLUT he met on the internet - Mom FUCKING HATED HIM!

but I cant say a word. I am shaking all over.

Want more?

My former stepmother likes to take pictures at funerals, of the dead people. I might actually kill her with my bare hands if I see her pull out a camera. I am shaking so bad I can barelyy type.

I am so mad, my muscles hurt.

My step dads sisters are coming, the same bitches that never ONCE in TWO FUCKING YEARS called mom to see how she was!!! Never sent a card, nothing. Am I supposed to thank them for coming?

It goes on and on…

Mom left a letter to be read at the memorial service instead of a euligy (told you she was thorough - she wrote her own obituary too) a letter to ‘the family’ her parents, 7 brothers and sisters my and brother i guess, notyhing too specific.

She couldnt have spared me a note? Something? A scrap with I love you? How about: I am sorry I have destroyed your life, sorry I stole the only grandmother your kids have, sorry I smoked myself to death, sorry I can never be there for you ever again?

Nothing.

Thanks mom, thanks a bunch. I dont want your stupid ring, or your china, I would hav traded it all for a fucking WORD or two.

In the two years she has been sick, she has never let me hug her.
Had never, fuck.

I saw her body befoer they cremated her, and I cant scrub the image of her out of my head, she was cold, and hard.

AND my sister in law ( who I actually really like) is MAD because mom forbade the small grandchildren from going to the funeral home and the service. She actually WANTED to let her 6 yr old see cold DEAD GRAMMY!!! She is pissed becasue she cant bring her to the funeral. fun place for a 6 yr old. And as the DAUGHTER of the deceased, I dont want any fucking kids with their bored antics, or awkward questions or ANY of the kid stuff. Not at moms funeral, its not the place. Besides, Mom forbade it becasue she KNEW they would want to bring the little girl as some sort of sick fucking science experiment - look honey, this is death - kind of thing.

I swear to god my head will soon explode.

God - heh the first poor cocksucker to say the words ‘gods will’ to me will need a casket of his own. Gods will my ass1 GOD made her start smoking/? Was he MAD at her?? GOD put EXTRA carcinogens in the cigs so they would be MORE addictive??? Evil shit there. GOD was the mastermind behind the advertising that made every poor fucker in her generation want to smoke? I think not. And I am PRETTY sure that if there IS a god, he would be offended at the suggestion that THIS TOTAL FUCKING MESS is ANY of his doing.

SO thats about it I guess. I hate the whole world. I want a new family.

Can you legally adopt a 32 yr old woman?

No hugs, no sympathy, you have all been very kind already.

Tell me what fucknuts your family has, or flame me for being an ungrateful bitch, or somethign, surely to pete there are other families who are this messed up! (Hello? Springer show?)

I never signed on for this, I want my money back.

2

Oh golly, Kels. No hugs? Ok. I’ll restrain myself. Crazy family funeral stories? You got it, ma’am.

My aunt died, also cigs. She’s on my father’s side, also known as the ‘fucking insane’ side. She was the only reasonably human one. She was married to my unbelievably cool Uncle Charlie, a man who has been seriously fucked over by life and kept his sense of humor.

My dad is an ordained minister, so they wanted him to do the service. Right. Because his little sister just died, of course he wants to do the service.

My grandmother, having dragged him into this, then wants to make sure he coordinates with the local minister. Who turns out to be a fucking psycho. He wants to read this INSANE poem at the funeral about God sending the Angel of Death to come and take my aunt’s soul. Purple prose, just awful. My dad ultimately kicks the guy out of the whole proceedings and just has to handle it himself.

The day of the funeral… a tackboard of photographs of her. Of course they used three or four from the months she was in chemo and looked like hell. Me and my sisters moved those behind the others.

The family kept wanting to put crap in the coffin. Photos, possessions, stuffed animals. My grandmother kept trying to put in this stuffed lamb. It didn’t have any significance to the family, she bought it special for this. My dad took it out before the actual funeral.

By the family, of course, I mean my dad’s loopy mother and worthless brothers and sisters. My Uncle Charlie and their kids were handling things with a sort of dignity. Meanwhile my seriously looped Aunt Nelma was trying to get all the attention she could out of it. Nelma is a seriously sick individual.

There are so many stories I could tell about that side of my family but I think I’ll save them for later.

Sorry about it all, Kelli.

–John

3

Thank you John, thats JUST eactly what I needed, bless you sweetie.

4

Kelli…

May I offer my condolences. It’s not easy to lose you mother. I lost mine 7 yrs ago. But I am glad you have a board such as this to vent. I wish I had it when she died. Death is never easy. Ever here the saying…“Lifes a bitch…then you die”

Well…its the truth. Be strong, be what the rest of your mothers family isn’t. Then you can carry your head high.

You will come through it stronger than when you went in.

I know you said not too…but…
{{{{kellibelli}}}}}
please be safe.

5

oh kells I am so sorry. just accept my heart felt sympathiesm I won’t try and top your story.

I remember chatting w/my son at one point about funerals, and saying ‘now, I don’t want this that the other thing’ then remembering, just in time - wait a second - it’s for him, not me and told him do what ever would make HIM feel better.

6

When my son died, my SO rang his father to tell him when the funeral was.

His father said what are you having a funeral for? Aren’t you just going to put the baby in somebody else’s coffin and have it cremated that way?

Ummm yeah. there’s a fabulous idea. let’s put our precious son in with some random dead person and cremate him.

Fucknuckle didn’t come to the funeral.

Kelli I’m sorry for your loss and I don’t know why death and funerals brings this out in people.

Shit :frowning:

7

Prima, I have no words.

8

Kelli

I had quite a few words to describe him. On the plus side, I’ve never had to speak to him again. I already thought he was lower than a snake’s belly so it just confirmed my opinion of the arsehole.

I’m sorry your lot is being bizarro world though.

9

I send my hugs your way girl. Strange funeral stories? My stepfather died of alcoholism in 93’, right? His fam. is the wealthy political figure type and he was the opposite. His wishes were to be creamated. All hell broke loose. His song? Stair Way to Heaven. Once again…hell breaking. Oh…dont forget about the love chid that no one in the family knew about until she disrupted the service and proceeded to announce who she was. Man that was one crazy funeral.

10

RE: Small children at funeral services.

Yeah, I’m going to have to agree with you, kelli. When my best friend died, she left behind an 8 year old brother and a 6 year old sister. Of course, they came to the funeral. And, of course, I got to be the lucky one stuck in a car with them on the way to services.

Bro - “Are you gonna touch her?”

Sis - “I dunno.”

Bro - “I’m gonna touch her.”

Sis - “I think it’s kinda icky.”

(It got worse. Temperature, color, and the “just sleeping” thing were ALL discussed, thanks to the sheer fucking intelligence that was their psychotic, piece of shit, disrespectful (words just cannot describe how I feel about this bitch) babysitter.)

And no, I don’t give a shit that “they’re just kids”. Fuck that. I did NOT want to hear this shit on that particular day. I’m not a squeamish person, by any stretch of the imagination. But I was just trying to make it through the most emotionally exhausting week of my life without losing my mind. These kids did NOT help that.

About halfway to the church, I broke. I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m sorry I yelled at them and said “fuck” a lot (except for that psycho babysitter, who I really just wanted to kick the living shit out of). Honestly, I am. But I just could NOT listen to it anymore. And they finally shut up, but I couldn’t get the words out of my head. I can still hear them, and they still make me absolutely fucking SICK.

Yes, I’m still VERY angry by the whole thing. Two years later, I still have problems understanding and fully accepting it all.

Moral of the story - Young people SHOULD NOT attend funerals. (And before anyone asks what I think the age cut-off should be, I don’t have any idea.)

Good luck through all this, kelli. You have my best.

11

I have no way of letting you know how I feel.

So, here goes;

{{{kelli}}}

12

No comparisons but my Mother and Dad had one. They’re both gone now themselves, but this one was a whopper. My aunt Mary died in LA nearly destitute. I think she lived on SS. Anyway she had never married, so my Mom and Dad being the closest or nearly the closest kind of took charge. We had the funeral, the invites, the burial, etc. and being a little (about 12) kid I didn’t really notice too much. Later Mom told me that Mary had 4 $25 savings bonds she’d saved from the 40s sometime and were probably worth something. Since my Mom and Dad practically paid for the entire funeral/burial service they just kinda asked Mary’s other brothers and sisters (my mom came from a family of 7) to sign a paper so they could cash the bonds. It took about 5 years (I think another family member died in the interim) to get that act of congress thru. My mom was quite upset about it, but my dad just laughed (course it was his tight ass family). I kinda thought it was funny too, but I kept a straight face in front of Mom.

We had a family reunion about 10 years ago, and believe me, when relatives get together it can get real bad. Ours was pretty good except for a few fights. The guys mostly drink beer and get drunk and some of the women too, and some of the kids too, I might add. At least at ours (I think the attendance was about 80) most of us were pretty far gone, so the event was kinda peaceful. Even so there are some family fights.

They say Thanksgiving and Christmas get togethers are kinda the same and that in-laws seem more like outlaws, etc. etc. I think I have a fairly nice extended family, most of the old coots are dead and the young coots are drunks, so we’re pretty peaceful.

Hope I made you laugh, Kellibelli, or at least smile. Even nice familys have wierdos too!

13

People get psycho around death. It is capable of making some people behave in ways that are uglier than they would dream of at any other time. Which of course seems ass-backwards, but there you have it.

My advice to you is to take care of yourself how ever you need to do that. Don’t let yourself be bullied by anyone, including your dead mom in the form of her last wishes. She’s gone, it’s now about the ones who were left behind. Take care of you as much as you can, put up with as little as possible. Just fucking leave if you have to.

My sympathies.
stoid
(I have to admit I’m confused…if she’s been cremated, how can anyone be taking pictures or children seeing their dead grammy?)

14

Preview is your friend
but I did preview
That should be:

15

Good stories guys. Thanks.

Mom died on Monday, and there was a private goodbye viewing kind of thing on tuesday before they cremated her.

On second thought, I guess my morbid ex-stepmother will have to be content with just taking pictures of the flowers.

Maybe she needs the pics as proof Mom is dead, maybe she thinks Dad will mary her now <snicker>. If she gets lucky there will be a terrible car crash on the way home to take pics of. I might even say that.

I can do whatever I want, I am mad with grief.
And Silver, THAT is exactly the kind of stuff that would literally push me over the edge. And brother &sis-in-law would have gotten neice to touch her, etc to show ‘death’.

My mother is not a science experiment.
Ok, 3 hours to the funeral, time to go throw up. See you all after I get out of jail.

Heh.

16

{{{{{Kelli}}}}}

I don’t have any stories to share, but you obviously need about a million hugs. Take care of yourself, and whatever you do, don’t let people start telling you when you should be over this. You’ll know when you’re ready to get on with life.

{{{{{Kelli}}}}}

17

kelli, honey, I am so sorry about all you’re going through. It sucks, it sucks, it sucks. Please take care of yourself, as Stoid mentioned above.

Re. psycho families, well, I could tell you some stories about insensitive family members that would make your toes curl. I firmly believe, after taking a good hard look at the rest of the world, that every family has its psycho members, although some are better than others at covering it up and putting on a pretty or perfect exterior. So of course mine is no exception, but I don’t let it bother me the way it used to.

18

Okay, so by this time you’ve presumably finished with the funeral and you’re back home again.

One big piece of advice: Don’t let people buffalo you into straining yourself to “going back to normal”. People are going to expect you to carry on like nothing’s happened, now that the funeral’s officially over. To other people, this means that they can get on with their lives. Crossed it off the calendar, moving on. So they’re gonna expect you to do the same. They won’t understand that it may be weeks before you can do much more than get up in the morning and comb your hair.

So, I dunno what to tell you to tell them, when they give you a weird look like, “But that was days ago, Kell, aren’t you ‘back to normal’ by now?” Whatever fits your personal vocabulary.

Just keep in mind that you need time to grieve, to adjust to the new reality. Let them whisper about you all they want. “Poor Kell, she’s just not taking it well at all.” Well, fuck 'em. The people who really know you and love you won’t mind that this is the third week and you’re still walking around in your bathrobe and your kids are eating nothing but McDonalds and pizza (“she could at least cook them a meal, cooking was very therapeutic for me when Harvey passed on, God rest his soul…”)

Oh, also–remember to pay the bills. Frequently folks who are working their way through a death get distracted/depressed and literally forget to pay the bills.

19

Your family are fucknuts. The only important thing for anybody after someone has died is looking after the living, and making sure that their needs are taken care of (emotional and physical). The family squabbles, bringing inappropriate people to the funeral, all the petty stuff is suspended until further notice. I can’t believe how many adults just don’t get this. And why isn’t your mom’s family looking after you? Don’t they know that this is their duty, as well, to do without being asked?

I know you mentioned that you don’t want to discuss anything with your step-father because you don’t want to hurt him, but maybe you could just seek out his company if he is a haven of sanity amongst your apparently insane other family members. Be with people who help you and make you feel better right now; don’t waste time with anybody who makes you feel worse, no matter what their relation to you is. There’s plenty of time in the rest of your life to make nice with people you don’t particularly want to see; now is not that time.

20

Nothing to add except Duck’s and featherlou’s advice are right on. Go ahead and care for yourself, and if you feel like spouting off to some of these wingnuts, why not? Let 'em know how you feel. Get in their face and pass along the psychic burden you’re enduring. What’s the worse that can happen? Not talk to you anymore?

Sounds like a gift to me.

When my mother died, the one thing most people said was “you never get over it.” These are people who’ve lost their mothers decades ago. You feel it, endure it, and move on. But it’ll hurt like a bitch for awhile.