Of course you realize your father can date anyone who pleases him and although your approval is not required, your disapproval is hurtful to him.
I’ll take your comments point by point
- Her smoking bothers you.
Tell her it bothers you. If it is your house tell her to stop. If it is your father’s house and he allows it, there is not much you can do about it.
2. Her age.
24 is relatively young, but she is not a child. She is over the age of consent. It doesn’t bother your Dad, it shouldn’t bother you.
- 3 children–all by different fathers.
Why those kids whould be taken out and shot for not being whole brothers and sisters—Gasp. Doesn’t that sound a little ridiculous. When you said “pardon me if this offends anyone” you were acknowledging the fact that was an offensive comment. Obviously the woman had had at least 3-(4 if you include your dad) sexual partners— How many have you had? If you have had less, you are either very young or you don’t get out much or you have a steady partner. If you have had more, you are about average. It appears you think this fact illustrates that this is a woman of questionable moral values–please explain. Did it ever occur to you that she may be a little vunerable and so willing to love that she has made poor choices in the past. Is she making a poor choice now?
Your last paragraph reveals the real problem. You perceive this woman as a threat to your whole world as you know it and that she is trying to replace your mother–as if. You think this woman is a gold digger, after your father’s money, and by proxy your money. Whatever he spends on her and her children–all of questionable value–is less left for you. You think this woman is of low moral character and is not good enough for your father. Is that about it, Hmmmm?
You state you don’t want her to be a part of your family and that there will be trouble. I have no doubt of that 'cause you will make it–you have to, who else is going to save your father the saint from this bad, bad woman? You say “I don’t think I would be able to live in the same house as her should she move in here”. Are you making threats already?
Listen, as a child of divorce–I was 11 when my parents split–I know it’s a hard, confusing time. I felt like if my parents can stop loving each other, what’s to stop either of them from deciding they just don’t love me anymore either. I know my comments are probably upsetting to you. I don’t mean them to be, but these are things that need to be said. You may not like me for not agreeing with you; that’s OK I can take it. I still like you. You sound like a sensitive, caring guy–no doubt raised with wisdom and the love of a father and mother who although they may not be together anymore, still love you very, very much.
The human heart has an infinite capacity for love. It can make room for a new love even when it is filled to overflowing with an older love. Everybody needs to love and be loved. Your father is human. He is a full-grown adult who is going into this new relationship with his eyes wide open. I’m going to ask you to take your father’s feelings into consideration,and knowing that he will always love you, set aside your fears and anger and give him and her the greatest gift imaginable–peace.