Personally, I wouldn’t. I like kids, I want to have kids, I’d even be willing to adopt. But if I was dating someone, I wouldn’t want to be in any position of parent drama. In my twenties, I dated a lot of women, and thought I would be okay with it. But as I got older, I realized in hindsight I wasnt ready to have kids yet.
When I hear people vent about how their S.O. doesnt discipline their kids, has drama with the other parent, or is unable to assert authority over their S.O. I wonder if they would do it again if they ever became single again.
Were I not already married? Yes, I would. In a minute. I have an awesome (step) Mom because she was willing to date someone with three kids. If I could be half the parent she’s been to me, I’d be doing good.
I did it at age 21, my first ongoing adult relationship was with a 36 year old woman with 3 kids. Not everyone is a bad parent or has a lot of bad parent-child drama that you’ve got to cope with. She was pretty informal and laid-back about it; she and the kids pretend-fought a lot but they (grudgingly) conceded that she was the Mom and got to make final decisions (while openly rolling their eyes or giggling about some of those decisions) and she didn’t mind them seeing her as a mortal and fallible person making the in-charge decisions and didn’t act all authoritarian, and so they negotiated day to day and the kids grew up and seem pretty well-adjusted.
I like kids and I’d be OK with doing it again, although that would mean reversing the age dynamics at this point (I’m 53).
Having kids wouldn’t be a deal-breaker, per se: having kids from three different women was, once, but mostly because where I come from we don’t consider someone with such a curriculum to count as “single” (which he’d introduced himself as).
There are other things I’d see as dealbreakers and which would involve kids, such as seeing that our notions of how to deal with the kids were incompatible, or treating the kids badly. I’d never want to date a guy who thought it was fun to be mean to children.
I’ve been married for 12 years now, so this is a non-issue for me now.
But it so happens that my stepfather DID marry a woman with 3 kids. He and I didn’t always get along well, but he looks a lot better in retrospect than he did at the time.
My first wife divorced me when I was 32, roughly the age at which my stepfther met my Mom. And as I reluctantly re-entered the dating scene, I started to realize that many of the women I’d meet had been married before and that some would have kids. That helped me appreciate for the first time the chance he took, the commitment he made… AND how much he must have loved my Mom even to make the attempt to co-raise us.
As a newly single guy, I was open to marrying a woman with children. But in reality, I only dated a few women with kids, and ended up marrying a woman who’d never been married before.
Depends on the circumstances. If each kid had a different mother, that would make me wary because it implies poor judgement about birth control and someone who isn’t responsible about birth control probably isn’t going to be compatible with me. My fiance is a very responsible and conscientious person, and I like it even though there are times when I think he needs to lighten up.
If it was a widower who had three kids with his wife, I think I’d be fine with that. If the mom was still in the picture, I’d have to feel out what the situation was like. I don’t see myself wanting to get into the middle of a custody battle or drama. I did once have an interest in a guy who was a single dad of one, and he seemed to be managing the situation ok. I would have been happy to accept the kid in that situation.
No. I want to have my own kids, as in I am a biological parent. I have dated someone with a single child as that allows room for another, but I’m not sure I could handle 4+ kids.
Really depends on age (mine and the kids). At age 25 and three little kids, that would be tough. At 40 and three older kids, not so bad. In fact, I did it and we are now married and happy 10 years later.
