Would you date a single or solo parent?

Single Parent = parent no longer with the other parent, but they’re still around
Solo Parent = other parent not in the picture at all

Well, would you?
If so, would the level of involvement/animosity/contact between your partner and the other parent influence your decision? Please tell your age and whether or not you have children of your own when responding.

Just to answer my own question, yes I would and yes I have. However, it didn’t work out in no small measure because I thought the way he dealt with his ex was fairly gutless. She had bossed him around through their marriage and he let that pattern continue even after the divorce. Big turn-off for me. I was 25 at the time and had one child of my own. I think a relationship where the other parent has bugged out entirely would be much easier in some ways, even with the added element of sole child-care responsibility.

No…but I have the same answer I always give to questions like these. I don’t want my own kids, definitely not someone else’s.

So it would have to do exclusively with the kids, not their status with the other parent.

I’m 27 and currently dating a single parent, I’ve got no children of my own.

I’ve got to admit, it’s hard. It doesn’t help that the mother is batshit-crazy. She shamelessly uses their daughter to excersise control over him and he lets her. We’ve been dating exclusively for 3 months and the first thing she still always asks him when she calls is "are you with her? :rolleyes:

We mixed up our phones about a month ago (they’re identical) and while scrolling through it, I notice 40 missed calls from her. 40. In a month and a half. Missed calls from me? 6. It’s ridiculous. Our first and so far, only, fight was of course about her. I’m sure there will be many more in the future.

Of course, I knew what I was getting myself into when we started dating. I still have doubts though about whether or not it will work out. The fact that this “woman” will always be in his life because they share a child is a tough pill to swallow. We’ll see how it all unfolds.

Whoops, I forgot. The 40 calls? That was in a period of about 2 weeks, not a month and a half. 40 calls within two weeks. I don’t use the phrase “batshit-crazy” lightly.

I would, but I could see where it might be problematic. I would just take everything as it came. Respect the Mother, the child, and the Father and whatever relationship might exist between the three and do my best to give the child another parental figure. I wouldn’t want to replace the Father, unless of course that’s what they needed.

Uh, yeah, she’s nuts, lezlers. I feel sorry for your guy - it just doesn’t compute why people can’t attempt sanity for the sake of their kids in those kinds of situations.

I’m married and mr e. doesn’t have any kids, but should I ever find myself in the single world again, I’d date someone with kids. I love kids, and I do want to be a parent, so they wouldn’t be an impediment to me.

E.

Yes, I would, though I haven’t. The situation you experienced here would definitely be a turn-off to me, as well, and might skew how I viewed him. If he had a good relationship w/ his child’s mother, it would be easier to handle b/c I could see that he is mature enough to deal with it, and not vindictive. Also, a good relationship would be good for the child, as well.

If the ex was an evil, soul-sucking wench, then I guess I would just have to deal with her b/c as the child’s mother, she’s probably not going away.

A solo parent would be easier in that you wouldn’t have to deal with the mother, but harder also b/c you wouldn’t have as much time alone w/ your SO, which is desireable, esp. at the beginning of a relationship.

That’s always been my answer too. I’m getting old enough tho’, that I’d be willing to consider a guy with older kids who didn’t have custody.

I don’t much care for kids. It wouldn’t be my first choice, but dating rarely involves getting your first choice anyway. Otherwise Sophie Marceau and I would be snuggling on the couch right now.

It would mainly depend on the kid. Most kids annoy me. But, I have a friend or two with kids who are actually pretty cool, so it might work.

It also might depend on the the balance the mother was able to strike between dating and childcare. It might be a bit irksome to play a perpetual second fiddle.

Having the ex in the picture would have both good and bad parts to it, so I really can’t say which I’d prefer. Though if the ex is insane, it’d be best to have them far far away.

Not only would I date a single parent, I married one. It’ll be 10 years next month. Kids live with us, and go to their father’s house every other weekend. I could easily rattle off a list of expletives to describe him. Yes, it’s a pain having to deal with him and his new wife, but I still wouldn’t trade my wife and kids for anything. I’m not going to allow the quality of my life be affected by some moronic caveman.

I never have done it but I think I would.

I would probably like it if the the kid was a little older like at least 7 or 8. Kids younger than that kind of give me the creeps.

Yes, but with conditions.

  1. I don’t want to feel like a fifth wheel, a mere appendage to an already established family.

  2. The kids have to be halfway intelligent and well-behaved; no JDs or problem children. I hate to say it, but I’d feel uncomfortable dating a woman with a handicapped child.

  3. No more than one child. I’m never going to be wealthy, yet I want to provide for my children a college education, and make sure they have no major financial worries. If I marry a woman with a similar income as mine, we can afford to pay for the college education of one kid. We can’t do it for two.

  4. They are not a stereotypical mom’s mom, where being a mother is her sole self-definition or self-identity. You know; short soccer mom hair, a minivan, no sense of adventure, and a comversational epertoire limited to the merits of school districts and daycare centers.

No, I wouldn’t. I am in my 30s, never been married, never had children, and don’t think I will ever want children, and that’s including having to be involved in some way with someone else’s. I have my neice and nephew. They are enough for me. :eek:

No.

Not because I don’t like kids. They’re fine, lightly breaded and with a little vinegar.

Thank you…no, you’re too much. I’ll be here all week.

Seriously, I had childhood/adolescent experiences with the losers mammie brought home, each one to be “The New Daddy”. Give me a freakin’ break; you can’t even be a responsible parent and you think some inebriated, coke-snorting, unemployed Jesus-freak that you met at some fundamentalist/charismatic shake-down service is going to be an improvement?

On the other side, I had a “stepparent”, and I use that term in the loosest possible sense, who spared no effort in demonstrating her resentment against having to share what little affection the paternal unit was able to put out.

So I have, as the kids say, issues with the whole notion of being some kind of substitute parent. Plus, I’d feel incredibly guilty if I got along with the tykes, allowed them to become attached to me, and then broke up with the woman. I might be marginally okay with it if I had near-zero interaction with the kids, but obviously that wouldn’t be going anywhere. Or if the children were grown and out of the house; I’m not quite at that age yet but I’m edging up on it. It’s not that I think single/divorced parents shouldn’t date, or that the situation can’t work out for all parties; it’s just beyond what I can personally deal with.

I guess I could commit to only dating 18-year-olds, but that ain’t really my style. I prefer 'em with a little milage, with all the kinks worked out, or at least soundly entrenched. But then, I haven’t managed a proper date in (chunka-chunka-thunk) going on three years now, so the question is, at this point, academic.

Stranger

No, not at this time. I’m 24 and just not ready to have those kind of complications. I like children and would like to have them in the future but not now.

I wouldn’t rule out dating a single or solo parent in the future but I would seriously have to consider the situation (ie the child, the relationship the child has with both parents and the relationship the parents have to each other). I would like to avoid a massive emotional mess, if possible.

Absolutely not, under any circumstances. I don’t have kids, and that is quite deliberate. The whole parenting thing just ain’t my bag. I’m the designated fun aunt. You know, the one who does pony rides and trips to the circus and zoo and buys obnoxious toys and sugary candy, then gets the hell out of Dodge when it’s diaper/tantrum/whining time.

I’m more than a little surprised at the number of people who know they don’t want to be a parent, and are unwilling to even consider the only humane way to experiment - dating a single parent.

Me, I’m married with 5 kids. If were to rejoin the dating world, I’d obviously be a hypocrite if I wouldn’t date single parents. Besides, it sounds like few of the good ones would be taken.

My feelings exactly.

I would, I did, and I married the woman. I’m 34 and her ex is in the picture, but the two have a decent relationship and it’s clear that both of them want what is best for their daughter. I actually pushed this to the limit when I asked her to marry me and move from Florida to Maine (with her daughter). The ex was ok with that and she and him easily worked out conditions of visitation.

Yes, it would have made a big difference to me if the two had had a horrible, bitter, backstabbing relationship. But then, if they did have that kind of relationship, my wife would be a completely different person, I think. So it’s kind of moot.

FWIW, me, my wife, and step-daughter are all very happy together and I’ve never once second-guessed my decision.

Yes I would.

Yes I have (on more than one occasion).

Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I even kind of like it in many cases. Heck, in one case I eventually looked forward more to seeing my GF’s kid than the GF herself. Don’t read anything weird into that…just turned out the mother was a nutjob and the kid was smarter and cooler than she was by a long shot (should be needless to say I broke up with her).