I never really thought about this until recently. A guy that I was intimate with was not willing to bring the relationship to the next level because I was a mother.
I am an attractive thirty year old woman, well almost thirty year old woman, with a four year old child. It has been my experience that the guys that I have dated in the past never really had a problem with the fact that I was a single mom.
One thing: I am not looking for a dad/step-dad for her. I am also not looking to get married. With that in mind:
I think being a responsible single parent makes me more appealing. Why will some guys just blow you off for the simple fact that you are a mother, even when they found you attractive?
My question is for the guys: Would you date a woman if she had a child/children if you found her attractive in every way? If so, why? or Why not?
I find women who have had children far more appealing than women who haven’t.
Part of it is just having that in common (I have two kids of my own) and some of it is the wonderful effect children have on parent’s character development, but I also find mothers physically more attractive as well. I think it gives them a much fuller sense of what their bodies can do and it shows up as a level of ease and self-acceptance that is very yummy.
To tell the truth, as a 24 year old guy, I wouldn’t date a mother. I’ve known a lot of guys who have dated single mothers and all but one ended really badly (the other ended in marriage, which is not what you’re looking for). Basically the guys got really attached to the kid, as well, and when the relationship ended, it tore them up.
Frankly, I’m just not ready for that level. I don’t feel that I, personally, am mature enough to handle that kind of relationship. That’s just me right now, though. Things could change dramatically as I get older (and probably will).
i did several years ago. she was nice and had a decent kid. i ended up moving in with her, but after a couple years it was clear it wasn’t gonna work out for the long term and i ended up moving out and on. i really felt kinda bad about leaving her son, cause we had a good relationship and he was at an age that we were able to do lots of “father-son” stuff, but that kinda ground to a halt after i left. he ended up going to live with his dad not too long after. the “breakup” was friendly and we talk once in a while, and i hear the kid is doing well.
i would like to think i had some positive influence on him. it gave me a little practice for when my own son was born last year. (he is the coolest!)
Interesting thread. From my perspective, I woulda said being a single mom is much less of a turn-off to prospective daters than being the far less common single dad. Perhaps Ferrous, another admitted SD, can comment.
Oh, and this train of thought brings up an interesting coincidence. When I was a young Air Force officer, I was commander of a small unit of about 40 men and women. In addition to myself, there were 5 other single, custodial dads in the unit. What are the odds of that? Needless to say, the rules for time off for family matters were very flexible, although they were in all the units I commanded.
Aw, crud, igotit, there’s something about clicking “Post Reply” that lifts the cobwebs from your brain. I sure hope the post above doesn’t seem like a hijack. If it does/is, I apologize.
I would, but only under certain circumstances. The child would have to be young, and I’d have to have met the woman IRL. I’ve encountered many mothers doing the online dating thing, and without exception, they’ve all been looking for daddies, regardless of what they wrote in their ads. From my perspective, igotit, your mindset is the exception, not the rule. Also, for some reason, I’d prefer she had a daughter instead of a son. I think (irrationally, probably) that a female would have an easier time letting me in her life than a male would.
At the same time, I’d be very nervous of what interface2x brought up. The last thing I’d want to do is hurt anyone, and that puts some pressure on the relationship.
When I was younger, I said no way on dating a mother. I remembered my problems with the guy my mom dated (and later married) after her divorce, and didn’t want to deal with having to get along with the kids as well as the mother. I wasn’t mature enough to handle that kind of relationship.
As I have gotten older (and hopefully matured), reality has set in. I realized: there is a world out there full of attractive, exciting, and appealing women…who have children because they had lives before you met them. Single mothers and divorcees are a fact of modern life, you can’t hold the fact that a woman has a family against her. That experience shaped her into the woman she is today, and is probably responsible for some of the qualities you find appealing in her in the first place.
In my younger days, no. Now, it’s not a problem for dating. But I would have to examine my commitment to her and her children before getting into a more serious relationship.
I’ve dated single moms in the past, see no reason why I wouldn’t do again.
That being said, I am much more cautious when children are in the picture, not so much from reluctance, but from concern for what the relationship I have with the mother does to the kid(s). Others have posted this as well, kids can grow attached, and that can bring hardship at the end of a relationship.
For myself, if I was seeing a single mom, and she wanted a committed monogamous relationship, then the children are DEFINTELY part of the equation, looking for a daddy or no. Being part of such a close couple (which is what I’m assuming you mean), will entail alot of interaction with the family, not just the mom. It involves the kids’ feelings as well, so I would hesitate on this, and be absolutely sure that I’m willing to see through alot more than just the typical dating a woman stuff. I would think it unfair to the mom or her family to not consider.
So, FWIW, I’d date a mom again, and understand that the dynamic is different, and base my actions accordingly. And IMHO, if he doesn’t want to move into this, and you do, I’d think it was time to go looking again.
One more thing–and the most important one, at that: The child would have to be well-behaved and loved. I wouldn’t get near a woman who I thought was doing a horrible job of raising her kid.
Been there, done that. Twice. The first time, after knowing each other a total of 4 months and seeing each other 3, she wanted me to commit to being there the rest of my life. She wanted a dad for her little girl. That was a bit too fast for me.
The second had two sons, and I ended up falling hard for her and them. Then she dumped me and I fell apart.
Since then, it seems every time I see a woman I find attractive, she has kids. Unfortunately for me, most of them also have husbands.
[QUOTE]
Since then, it seems every time I see a woman I find attractive, she has kids. Unfortunately for me, most of them also have husbands.
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What does it matter to you if the kids have husbands?
Colin
I don’t know why I wouldn’t. I love kids, and like someone said, it could be a problem if one gets attached to the kid and then breaks up with the mother. Could also be hard on the child. I know that it was hard on me when my mother nad her long-time boyfriend split. Probably harder on me.
On second thought, I might not want to date a single mother…I guess it would depend on the situation.
(Single dad here.)
