Oh yeah, been there and did that. I was a single dad with custody of two, she a single mom with custody of three. Neither one of us was looking to get married, but we really did like each other. Kids quibbled amongst themselves a bit…time passed… Then we asked each other: “Whose life is this anyway, ours or the kids?” Because of the children, we decided to get married rather than simply moving in together. So we called a bi-family meeting, told all concerned that we were getting married, all would live together, and they could learn to deal with it.
Now it’s 17 years later, kids are grown up and gone, and it’s still great for us. You don’t have to be “looking for marriage”, it can happen almost by accident. Just remember, kids are adaptable, and will soon enough be forging their own lives anyway. If the relationship their parent(s) enter into is a good one, the kids will benefit, not suffer.
Um, , , -I’d assume that if I “got intimate” with someone, that was signaling that the relationship was exclusive and committed anyway, but that’s just me and my neurotic aversion to venereal disease. -That, and the fact that I hate people, I guess.
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A guy came into where I work yesterday wearing a t-shirt that said “DATE EPILEPTICS, strobe lights are cheaper than beer”. - DougC
Yes, I’d date a single mom. I’m neither more nor less inclined to date a single mom. A good woman is a good woman, even if she actually existed before I met her.
I’d prefer to be child-free, especially if the kid belongs to someone else. Plus from what I’ve experienced through friends most single mothers who date single guys are just looking for extra security (financial or otherwise) and nothing more. Also the single mothers my friends have dated have always had “issues”. I’m not masochistic enough to deal with someone else’s shit.
I’m much older now, and probably would date women with kids. However, when I was in my 20’s, no way. The main reason wasn’t the kids or the fact the woman in question was undesireable, but that her time was not all her own. I mean, working hard and then want to go out but she’s got to rush home to take care of the kid. Back then I wanted to go out and party, and not go home and be domestic.
Honestly, I think that is a big issue. With a single parent, you’re involved with more than one person, and one of them is not an adult peer. Thus, is limiting in many ways, and many single people don’t want such limitations no matter how much they like the single parent.
Yes, but my wife would kill me
For me it’s all about the person, so it doesn’t matter if she has kids or not. There are many guys out there who wouldn’t want to date a mom though- it makes the pump and dump so much more difficult.
I dated a woman who had two kids for about a year. The kids were never a problem. The thing that shots us down was this bit:
We just couldn’t figure out what that meant. I would have been perfectly fine with being a stepdad (especially for those guys) and I actually got along with their father quite well. To me “exclusive committed relationship” and “marriage” are nearly identical concepts. To her, it meant that she expected me to be available, but she couldn’t be “tied down at this stage.”
I’m married now,. so there isn’t much chance to run about dating single moms… BUT.
I would have no problem dating a single mom if I argeed with how she rasied her kid/s. That would be the only thing that would stand in the way of the relationship going farther.
The reason: I am not the childs father so I wouldn’t feel like I should interfere with the rasing of the child if the woman and I started dating. Sure,. if the relationship advanced and we got married or something that would be different. But until that point I would pretty much stay out of the way of rasing the child.
I wouldn’t be able to sit around and watch the mother yell at the child or beat the child. You know, things like that.
I was a single dad for a while (full custory of my daughter),. so I know how it goes. I wasn’t looking for a mother replacement for the child.
I started dating a very nice woman -fill in the space of several years- then we got married. My daughter knew this woman from the age of 3 1/2 years on (she just turned 11 yesterday) and my wife has taken her in with open arms. My daughter calls her mom now and they have a very good relationship. On the slim chance my current wife and I broke up,. I would want to allow her part custody of the daughter because they are so close. She has become her mom.
Of course the chances of us breaking up are slim to none.
Just remember, kids are adaptable, and will soon enough be forging their own lives anyway. If the relationship their parent(s) enter into is a good one, the kids will benefit, not suffer.