I certainly wouldn’t rule someone out because they had 3 kids, but it would give me pause. I would like to have kids someday, and while I don’t think I would mind being a step parent, that’s a pretty heavy situation to put yourself in when you’re just starting out dating. Not to mention, it’s entirely possible I’d get attached to the kids and if the relationship didn’t work out, that would be pretty heartbreaking.
Yes, the best relationships Ive had were g/f’s who have children, for some reason they all had 3 children living at home. Children are awesome and add so much to a relationship.
Yes, if she was really, really hot.
I can’t even imagine dating a man with three kids. What happened to the wife? Why did she not get custody? Is she a Crazy Ex? Will I have to deal with her too?
You know, I’ve met children; I didn’t find them awesome.
When I was young and single I wouldn’t have gone out with a man with three kids, whether they lived with him or not. Because if he was a proper sort of man and father, his kids would come first. And I’d be lowest on his list of priorities. That wouldn’t have suited the young me.
And if I came top of his list of priorities, then he must be a bit of a shit, to be more interested in me than in his kids. So I still wouldn’t want to know.
Now as I am neither young nor single, the question is hypothetical, thank goodness.
But if the time comes when I’m old and I become single, the kind of father who’d be interested in me would only have adult children. They can bring their own issues to a new parental relatinship, from what I’ve seen. A friend of mine is divorced, in her mid-fifties and has adult children. She’s seeing a widower who’s five or six years older than her and his children seem to think she’s going to eat their inheritance. Her kids aren’t keen either, as they think he’s a right old dull dodo and that their vivacious mother deserves someone with a bit more get up and go. None of these adult chldren are shy about giving their opinions to their parents, either. It all seems pretty fraught to me, as a mere onlooker.
I really hope I don’t end up old and single and looking. Because it seems like it can be as much of a load of old rubbish as being young and single and looking.
I’m 36. I’m starting to get to the age where if I ruled out dating women with children it would really start limiting my choices. So it wouldn’t be my first preference but it wouldn’t be a deal breaker either.
I also assume when you say “date” you really mean “be in a relationship with.” Because I’ll go out on a date or two with almost anyone.
Aside from the fact that I’m 43, this is my answer.
That’s an incredibly sexist comment; you should be ashamed of yourself.
As for the OP, if the woman had adult, or near-adult, children, I wouldn’t have a problem.
I’m so old now it’s very unlikely anyone in the age bracket I date in will have three minor children, I’ve dated lots of women my age who have adult children, it’s a totally different dynamic.
When I was younger, I never would have dated a woman with minor children that were not my own. I just feel the situation has too many intrinsic dramas built into it for my tastes. For example if you’re living with the woman and helping to maintain a home, then it’s rightfully “your” house as much as it is hers or the kids. Yet if the kids tear it up or destroy stuff in it, some mom’s won’t be okay with you disciplining their kids.
I don’t mean some people would freak out over a boyfriend spanking their kids, but rather some people would freak out over a boyfriend telling their kids “hey, don’t do that” or sending them to their room as punishment and etc.
Then you have the kid’s father, who might be a whole other type of drama just waiting to happen.
I think if two adults live in the same house together and there are minor children in the house, both adults need to be able to genuinely act as parents or it creates problems for the adults and the kid’s. If the non-biological parent isn’t allowed to do that by the cohabiting biological parent, or is viewed as illegitimate authority by the children due to the same-sex biological parent it just creates a difficult situation that I’ve never wanted to find myself in.
Does it make me a bad person if my first thoughts are “sure, if he’s a single parent because he’s a widower or the wife left the country and seriously unlikely to return” and then “If they kids were really young or in their mid-to-late teens it’d be ever so much better than if they were from say 9-14?”
Kids are fine. I’d rather not have to deal with an ex-wife, though. As for the kids’ ages, wee little kids love me and seem a lot less likely to pull “you’re not my mom!” crap than kids in mid-childhood. And teens almost ready to leave for college? I like them, too. And even if they don’t love me, at least I can relate to them as adults, abet young ones, soon enough.
In my thirties I dated a woman with four teenaged kids. Then I married her. Twenty-five years later I don’t regret it, the kids don’t regret it, and the 11 grandkids don’t regret it. Not that there were never any bumps, but what relationship is without them?
I prefer a woman with children. Having kids of my own, it’s nice to know if she already has that “motherly” instinct. It makes me feel more secure introducing her to MY children.
Well, it’s not so much of an issue now. My oldest is 18 in his own apartment already. MY youngest just turned 14, so…
No, my wife would kill me.
Seriously, though, I wouldn’t if I were single and dating.
At this point in my life, no. I mean, I love kids, I volunteer with them, I want to have them one day and I don’t care if the kids I end up having are biologically mine or not, but I’m 19 years old. I’m nowhere near ready to be a mum of three. If it were one kid, that’d be a bit more doable. I’d consider it if I really liked the person.
Well, my SO’s biological son is just a couple of years younger than me, and his assorted stepkids are actually older than me, so I don’t think they really count. 
I think if we’re talking about the guy I’m actually with and he had small children, we probably still would have entered a relationship, because I’ve observed how he is with kids and I like it. Our parenting styles mesh, I respect his ideas and strategies. So while more kids would be more work, it’s not work I’m opposed to.
But as other posters have said, if we didn’t agree on parenting, if he wouldn’t let me be an equal authority in our own home, then my decision might be different. It wouldn’t be the kids that were the dealbreaker, but the differences between us and how we think. The same would be true if, as in reality, I am the one with kids in the hands-on parenting stage - if we can’t get on the same page, I’m not good with the relationship. I went through that already with my ex-husband (and we had the child together), and I won’t put up with that again.
I think age is also a factor. If you and the other person are older, things are a little different. If my potential partner had,adult children that dont live with them, its not the same as someone with preschool aged kids. And the circumstances of their parenthood are also a factor. Having 3 kids from 3 different partners would be a red flag. Or a parent that isnt that involved in their kids’ lives.
One advantage being both childless into a relationship gives is being able to work with your partner on what kind parenting you both will do BEFORE kids come into the picture. If its a major issue, you can decide if you really want kids/sever things before a kid comes into the picture stuck between parents that disagree on its upbringing.
Someone already with kids probably already knows how they want to raise them, and if that doesnt sync with your values there could be issues.
I’m nearly 50 and childfree or a barren mare if you prefer. I don’t really like children and in my youth would never have dated a man who had kids. Nowadays if I can find a man who’s willing to overlook the whole fat-50y/o-virgin-who-lives-with-her-mother vibe, then the odds are he’s divorced and has kids in their teens or older. So I suppose if I want to date, then yes, barring my finding another fat-50y/o-virgin-who-lives-with-his-parent[s], I suppose I’ll have to date a guy with however many kids he has.
On the whole, I think I’ll stick with the cats.
No, I won’t be ashamed, despite your lecturing. The fact of the matter is, in this country and in this day and age, young children are almost always given to the mother, and if they are not, it’s usually indicative of some severe problems - drug addictions or something equally serious. It’s naive to think otherwise.
Maybe if this was some ideal world I’d buy it, in which men and women got custody equally. Then maybe I’d think my comment was sexist. Right now it’s just reflecting the realities of life.
As a remarried single father, I’m glad my wife didn’t share your outlook 