The most recent numbers I’ve seen, based on 2009, published in 2011, indicate the split is 82-18 in favor of mothers(pdf, pg 2 under Demographic Characteristics). This is statistically the same as 1994, when these numbers began to be tracked by the Census Bureau. Offered just as a data point, not taking a position on the reasons for these numbers.
My answer in the poll is that it would depend on the person. A widow/widower from a stable marriage? Three different baby daddies/mammas and the kids are all under the age of five? These are both “people with three kids” but the odds of them being relationship material are vastly disparate. My overall answer is that yes, I would. The kids would be a big factor in the decision, but more their details, not just the binary yes/no of their existence.
As a woman who ran past the altar many times, but never stopped long enough to say ‘I do’, (until I was 44, anyway) it was a given that I was going to be dating guys with a past. I mean, duh. So, kids were never the question, but the attitude towards them and the relationship with the ex, well…that mattered. I mean, you can’t blame a guy for having a genuinely bitchy ex, or a bad first marriage, but you CAN put the onus on him to deal with it maturely. One of the BIG things about my now-husband was that he would do anything for his kids, including keeping up a sane relationship with the ex.
At my age, if I were to date, it would be surprising to meet someone without kids, and if he had kids, they’d most likely be grown, so unless he was still supporting them all, I probably wouldn’t care. If he had three young kids, no way. I’m past the Mommy phase of my life. I’ll be Grandma, but getting involved with someone with dependent kids would most likely never happen.
When I was in my 20s and still single, the notion of marrying a widower with young kids was rather romantic. Yeah, I was pretty stupid then.
Lucky for me, I’m quite happily married and so far, my husband seems to be healthy and likely to live a lot more years.
Yes, I would, without hesitation. I would have to give a LOT more thought to a marriage proposal from someone who had three children living with him, but that wasn’t the question.
This. If he’s an involved father, if he cares about them and thinks and talks about them even when they’re not there, then yes.
If he reluctantly takes them every other weekend and does the “disneyland daddy” thing, or tries to evade even that little bit of responsibility, or doesn’t pay child support, or in general tries to pretend he doesn’t have children…hell no.
IOW, I don’t mind him being a father, as long as he is also a parent.
I’m 21 - scarcely an adult myself - and happily in a relationship besides, so no.
In an alternate universe, where I was single and of the age where people commonly have kids, I’d only be okay with it if the kids were unusually awesome, fully grown, and/or spent most of their time in custody of the other parent. I’m not a big fan of young children, but well-behaved kids can be a lot of fun.
And the thing is I don’t think I’d necessarily be a good parent, but - I’m not their parent. The person I’m hypothetically dating is the one with custody, the one who cares for the children and knows them very well. I’m okay with never developing a parent-child bond with them, as long as everyone is on good terms and understands that I am still an authority. I’d be okay with taking it more like my dad has always done, where it’s always understood that he loves me and my siblings, and we occasionally do activities together, but he spends most of the week at work, while my mom has always taken on the main childcare responsibilities.
I already have a child and I had bad experiences with stepfamilies growing up. So…maybe. The father would have to be absolutely phenomenal, though.
Also - I don’t get offended if someone doesn’t want to date me because I have a child. I don’t like dating men with children, either. I did it once and his child was about 60 per cent of the reason for me breaking up with him.
Well lets see…
I am 42, so if I exclude women with children from the dating pool either I date the really young(boring) or have no dates, so kids are all right by me. Excluding the insane and incompetent but that has nothing to do with kids FWIW
I am very bad with kids - I am not patient. Children deserve to be cherished and I am not good with it, so no. It would be unfair to her and unfair to them.
I did date a woman with three kids. She promised me she was looking for adult companionship - not a father for her kids.
But it wasn’t too long that I was being pressured to do things with them. We just wanted different things and so we ended it. I won’t try that again.
I’m more turned off by the idea of dating a woman with a kid, or kids now. It really depends on the child and the way he or she has been raised.
The child of the girl I dated came from a dysfunctional environment. She lived with her grandparents who are trash. She also had so much energy, she would tire me out after playing with her for 15 minutes. She was a bit of a brat, and ultimately the reason I broke up with this girl. I can’t place the blame on the kid for all of it… I didn’t know how good I would be at being an authoritative figure. Part of it was me questioning my abilities.
I got out of the relationship just in time. My ex girlfriend’s parents started to encourage the child to punch at and swear to her mother, (my ex-girlfriend), after getting into violent arguments. My ex took the kid and moved into her new boyfriend’s apartment. I look at her new boyfriend’s new life, and feel SO happy it wasn’t me she ran to.
I do miss both of them… (I MIGHT get to see them today if I’m lucky). One of the problems with dating someone with a child is that you grow attached to both of them. So if there’s a break-up, it can more difficult.
Just remember - single parents have already screwed up once in their lives. If you’re a man, you know the woman won’t have an abortion and most of them are looking for a replacement daddy for their spawn, as well as a replacement wallet. Single daddies are usually looking for replacement moms, not only for their children but for themselves.
Getting involved with a single parent is like strapping a big sign to your crotch that reads “kick me hard.”
