My favorite eBay musical instrument mistakes

In My Humble Opinion
1

Do any other musicians get bugged by the same mistakes all the time in eBay descriptions for musical instrument auctions?

A brass instrument has VALVES. It does not have keys, buttons, finger thingies, dealies, knobs, or plungers.

Don’t tell me “the slide slides pretty good; it just needs some grease”. If you know that it needs grease, why didn’t you grease it? Be honest, the slide is obviously stuck and you have no idea why.

A CORONET is a crown. A CORNET is a musical instrument.

It’s called a TROMBONE, not a TRUMBONE.

BARITONE, not BARATONE.

A euphonium is not called a “tuba”. They are two completely different instruments. One is nearly twice as large as the other.

A Saxophone is not a brass instrument. Yes, it is made out of brass, but it is in the WOODWIND category.

The instrument needs TO BE polished, or needs POLISHING. It does not “need polished”. (I actually did a whole thread on this before, so sorry for the repetition.)

This one’s kind of nitpicky, but: It’s called a “hard case”, not a “hardshell case”. You must be thinking of crab.

Telling us you “blew in it and it made a sound” tells us absolutely nothing. I can blow in a toilet paper tube and it will make a sound.

eBay has categories for neckties, coffee mugs, posters, sheet music, and toys. Don’t put them in the musical instruments category just because they have a picture of a musical instrument on them, or are shaped like one, or are a composition for a musical instrument. If I am interested in buying any of those things, I will look in that category.

Don’t stick random names of quality instruments in the title for your piece of junk just to get more search hits. You’re not fooling anyone.

And nobody on Earth is enough of a rube not to know that your “Stradivarious” violin with the $150 reserve is a fake.
Feel free to share your pet peeves in your favorite eBay category.

2

I collect Boston Terrier stuff.

I do not collect Boxers nor (English) Bulldogs.

I can understand if you lable a French Bulldog as a Boston (or vice versa), but swear to god, a Boxer doesn’t look like a Boston at all.

I get thrilled when I see something new go up on auction:

Silver Charm Boston Terrier Must see!

and like a fool I do, because every now and then someone actually gets it right.

…and wouldn’t you know it.
It’s a Boxer.

grrrrrrrrr.

3

I’ve worked in a violin repair shop, and there’s some REAL ignorance around…like the mother who applied candle wax to her kid’s violin bow…and the numerous cases where glue has been applied where it does not belong…more specific cases probably deserve anonymity :smiley:

4

Just real basic nonsense -

Chase me away by putting L@@K or LOOKIE! or LQQK in the title

Annoy me with five out of focus 1024x768 pixel images. It’s the uncommon item that needs more than three pictures, really, and they don’t normally need to be huge.

Anything described as RARE! or ANTIQUE! isn’t.

Want to really annoy me and make me stop looking at your item? Play a single-voice MIDI file or use Java crapplets such as the one that changes my cursor into an animated clock.
Related to phones – (I collect 'em)

It’s a DIAL. Not a wheel or a dialer. (A dialer is a doodad - a feather shape with a ball at one end was a popular version - ladies would use so not to chip a nail while dialing a number.)

Likewise, it’s a RECEIVER. Not a handle.

5

This is actually incorrect; one is actually approximately half the size of the other.

6

Ditto when people put in a title ‘not a MESA/BOOGIE’ (Mesa/Boogie is a high end amp, so don’t trick me into looking at your rubbish by putting M/B in the title) … ditto Les Paul, Flying V, etc. Argh!

It’s saxOphone, not saxAphone…

Spelling errors – I look for a lot of vintage 60s clothes, and I have seen so many different ways to spell ‘psychedelic’ sometimes I feel as if I’m tripping myself…and it’s ‘suede’ not swade, suade, or throatwobbler mangrove.

Also – it’s a brain hurter when I look for Kinks stuff, and someone is selling LA Kings stuff but they mispell King as Kink…it makes me wonder if they wonder why no one bids on their stuff – my fave, though, was the idiot who relisted a pair of cufflinks about 17 times and labelled them ‘cuff kinks’…

And yes, LOOK, LQQK, L@@K etc, elicits a ‘bite me’ from me every time…

I’ll stop now…

No! Wait! I lied – speaking of old records – it drives me crazy when someone has a 1960s record that they claim is original cos it’s still in the original shrink wrap – I have long argued that I remember that records were sold simply in their cardboard sleeves up until the early 70s – so I am at once suspicious of any old vinyl where the seller raves about how you KNOW this 1963 Beatles album is rare and valuable cos it’s still in the original shrink wrap…uh…ok, if you define ‘original’ meaning you are the one who originally put it on the record with your shrink wrapper machine a couple of days ago…

love,
Ms Boods, who is currently dealing with a bidder who sent her an email saying, ‘I bid on your auction by mistake, but I don’t want to retract my bid cos that will make me look bad, but I don’t plan to pay cos I didn’t mean to bid on the auction.’

7

This is a very common phrase.

8

A saxophone forum I frequent enjoys pointing out all the ads that have the saxophone mouthipiece upside-down. Even better is when they put the neck on backwards.

9

OOOOOOOOH. That gets my goat!
I collect songbooks and not sheet music. It’s a fine line, one has more than one song, the other is just one song (sometimes two). I don’t want to see your crappy sheet music while I’m perusing the songbooks.

Oh, and one other thing, get the hell off of eBay if you’re selling the exact same thing on your website for the exact same price new as everyone else (Colony Music I’m looking squarely at you).
Grr.

10

Dr. Love, I’m a bit out of the loop as a sax player. Would you mind directing me to that forum, or any other good online sax resources? If it’s a close, tight group, I understand if you wouldn’t want to, but thanks!

11

Interesting. Maybe it’s different in the rock world, and that’s where they’re getting it from. I have never heard an orchestral musician say “hardshell case”. They always say “hard case”.

So would a gig bag be a “softshell case”?:smiley:

12

If the dress you are selling was made in the 1970s, and you readily acknowledge this and are well aware of it, do not list it under “WWII (1939-1946),” even if you think it looks very '40s-style.

Not every damn hat that comes down the pike is a “flapper hat.” Fedoras, for instance, are very much not. Neither are pillboxes, especially the type that are made of pastel-colored straw and have veils with huge felt polka dots stuck on them.

Not everything that was made before 1960 is “Art Deco,” either.

There’s a whole department for reproductions now. Stop cluttering the '50s vintage clothing section with your crappy polyester velvet and calico “Renaissance” gowns.

Don’t call it “wearable” if the buttons are missing or the zipper is broken. You could call it “repairable” in that condition, but unless it would be ready to put on and walk out the door with as soon as the box arrived in the mail, it is not in “wearable” condition.

13

It’s not a hard case unless you can run over it with a truck. And calling those “road cases” or “flight cases” is an invitation to roadie jokes.

14

MESA/Boogie owner here (got a Studio Caliber 25 for $250!!) and completely agree.

There is a kind of guitar made by Ibanez and a few other brand names (all coming out of the same factory in Japan) from the late 70’s and early 80’s that were so well made that Gibson and Fender sued (or threatened to sue - whatever) and forced them to change designs. Then they moved to Korea since Japan was booming and production costs rose. These “Lawsuit” guitars are now getting a lot of attention because they are incredible values.

And people are putting the word “lawsuit” in front of the most egregious crap now…eeesh.

It’s tough - there are some situations where I like the “not a (name)” in the title - there are some guitars and amps that are obscure but worthy substitutes for the main thing I am searching for that I don’t have the patience to search for regularly. But these are more the exception than the rule…

And don’t get me started on First Edition books - it is the category for frauds. I have seen so many losers list books claiming first edition, when they are merely stating that the publisher has those words on the copyright page, but the “countdown” (the 10 9 8 7 6…line on the copyright page which denotes edition for many, but not all, publishers) clearly shows that it is not a first. Okay, some small percentage of sellers may be naive, but knowing this about books is like knowing the different between oil and watercolor when learning about art - one of the most basic, fundamental points…

Caveat Emptor, eh?

15

The worst (or best) musical-instrument related mistake I’ve ever seen was in the description of a violin:

“Looks like an antique, since all the original frets are completely worn down.”

Major coffee-out-the-nose moment.

16

Wordman – yes, yes, yes!

I bought both of my MESAs off eBay, and they were 2 wonderful transactions (a Subway Rocket and a Mark IV) – both from music stores. I’m sure there are nice individuals out there selling off their amps, but sometimes, if I’ve got a cold or something, I’ll sit and read the descriptions of the amps being sold by the guys who bought a $4000 custom-made amp and had no idea what they were getting in to – the guys who start the bidding at a penny, but have a hidden reserve of $1000s…and then feature close up shots of something…kinda blurry…who knows what it is…

I wrote to a seller of one of the first editions of the Mark I, because I had a sudden brain cramp and was worried if I bought such an amp I wouldn’t be able to plug the amp directly into a recording machine – so I asked the guy, does the amp have a line out jack? He wrote back, ‘Uhhh, wha?’

I explained carefully what I meant, and he wrote back he didn’t THINK so, but as far as he knew, I could always just rewire the amp speaker directly to my recorder and I should be ok.

:eek:

I’ve told this story to a couple of tech friends, and they’ve all instantly turned into that fellow in the Munch painting…

Man, if you don’t know the answer to a question, just say, ‘I don’t know!’

racinchikki – YES about the clothes – I am tired of seeing ‘swinging 60s! Just like Twiggy wore! Sooooo Carnaby Street’ when it looks like the sort of house shift I remember my gran wearing in the 60s…augh! I know it’s very competitive, and I try my best to describe my clothes accurately, but one just gets buried alive under the rubbish…

17

Ergh – hit submit too soon – sorry – that last line was supposed to read, ‘one’s auctions get buried under the rubbish’…

18

Great story! I remember a similar bit of stupidity in the acoustic world - A guy was selling a brass instrument, and said in the description, “It has some dents, but I understand that these can be easily removed by blowing compressed air into the tubing.” Not bloody likely.:smiley: