My Female Birth Giver Commits a Faux Pas: Yea Or Nay?

This is a little bit of a rant, but it won’t necessitate a trip to the Pit, 'cause that’s just not how I roll.

So, I just recently got a new job. I spent close to 45 hours this week reading and studying for this big ass general exam that I have to take in roughly a month. I’ll finish the reading soon and I’ll contemplate some kind of a class to lock in the freshness, as it were. Well, at this job, I now need to dress all fancy. That means suits. That means money.

I have one suit. I have no money.

Now, this one suit, it was fitted to me by this little old Polish lady that the female birth giver bumped into during my old high school’s rummage sale. Anywhoot, as a favor to the birth giver, the little old lady did the hemming and tailoring for my suit for free. Great success.

Well, the little old lady hypothetically asks the female birth giver if she has anything else that needs sewing, and such. The birth giver mentally remembers this, because she cashes in on even the flimsiest of offers. That’s how she rolls.

So, the female birth giver, while I was at work, went to the Salvation Army down the street to see if there were some good cheap suits there. There were.

11 of them.

So she gets the 11 suits and we go to the little old lady’s house. I don’t even have closetspace for 11 suits. I’ve got to make some damned room.

So, we’re at the old lady’s house and I start putting on suits and she starts drawing lines on them with chalk and doing normal tailoring things. I start feeling bad after the 5th one, because all the stitching and sewing and such takes some time, right? I start to feel like I’m starting to take advantage of this little old lady. Not so, says the female birth giver. She pushes me to keep going. I lie when they’re both out of the room and say that the pants on 3 of the suits were too small and couldn’t possibly be altered enough (1 certainly was).

So we leave the lady with 7 suits to alter. “Don’t worry about time, do them at your own pace” says the female birth giver. Well, I feel like I may be an accomplice to taking advantage of the old Polish lady.

My question to you: should I chalk it up to the offer and something between the two of them and ignore it, or should I give the old lady some cash in compensation (cause it’s gotta take some TIME to alter 7 suits, right??)

The next question is: how much do I give her? She mentioned that she charges like 7 bucks to alter sleeves on a jacket. I was thinking about a hundred bucks that I can scrounge up as a “thank you”.

Yea or nay?

I would scrounge up about a hundred and give it to her for sure. Hell, I’ve paid $15 to get a pair of pants hemmed, and it cost me something like $40 for a dress hem 2 years ago.

Um, is there any reason why you’re referring to your mother as the female birth giver? Sure, I don’t think she should’ve been taking advantage of the old Polish lady, but it seems pretty disrespectful, especially considering that she did help you find eleven new suits.

Definitely kick the OPL at least $100. Not owrthy of a rant…my mother has done the same thing to me more than once.

Do you have any documentation for *male *birth givers? Just wondering why you’d think it necessary to specify the gender there.

Not to mention redundant.

I’d say toss a little cash the old woman’s way as a thank you. I agree it is pretty disrespectful and frankly dehumanizing to refer to your mom this way, she is helping you, if you have a problem with her maybe you shouldn’t take her help.

She is performing a service for you. She needs to be compensated.

That’s what I figured. I’ll dig up a hundred bucks.

As to the “female birth giver” comments, it’s a mildly disrespectful nickname for her. I’ve referred to her in the same manner here before, so I wanted to be consistent.
On a more serious note, she’s not much of a “mother”. She’s got moments, but they’re few and far between.

I’d compensate her at least $10-20/hour you estimate she’ll spend, a minimum of $100.

That’s the other thing…I’m sure it takes some degree of work for tailoring, I’m just not sure what’s fair. Like…how many hours? 7 suits…a couple of the jackets needed very minimal, if any, alterations…one of the pants were spot on as well…

I think a hundred is at least a good starting point.

A total of 8 suits for about $100 bucks – sounds about right.

You know your history with your mother better than I do, but someone who knows you needs suits and does this much for you (finds suits and, in your best interests, takes advantage of a Polish lady) probably deserves to be called something better than Female Birth Giver.

From the spoiled food thread, how about Poisoner?

In addition to the $100, stop by the market and grab a $10 bunch of flowers. This lady is being very nice to you- the money is for her time, but if she is sweet enough to do this the flowers will mean as much to her as the money.

I like this idea a lot. She showed us her garden in the backyard before we left as well. I think I’ll be doing this.
5-4-Fighting, I’ll work on it. Maybe “Typhoid Deborah”? I know she means well, but she’s got this knack where everything she touches turns into shit. If she’s involved, it’ll get half-done or done shabbily. On a positive note, I think that she’s the reason my immune system is so strong, but I already said that in the other thread.

I was thinking a hundred before I got to the end of the OP where you threw that # out. Maybe a little something personal thrown in for good measure. Do you cook? Everyone loves cookies.

I don’t want to cook and find out that she’s allergic to chocolate or something.

Also, I’d munch on half the cookies on the way to her house. Giving her three and a half cookies might not work very well.

I’m a little unclear, did the seamstress say specifically that this was a gift, with no charge? It seems that she said she does some sewing work for pay. If it never came up, I would assume the work done on the first suit was a thank you for purchasing from the rummage sale, but other work would be for pay. In that case, I’d ask her how much she charged, if I thought it was too low I’d add in a little extra and ask if she’d like me to refer her to my friends. If she says no charge, see next paragraph:

If this was definately a gift (ie, this is someone your mother is friendly with), then I would take SnakesCatLady’s advice. Maybe even get a nice potted plant for her garden, and give less in cash in need be. She may refuse the cash anyhow.

I’d definitely feel obligated to give her something. SCL’s advice is good; some money and flowers would be a wonderful gesture. I’d also request that she not mention anything to the birth-giver, just because.

How can you even question whether you should pay this woman for her work? Do you think that just because you have a job that requires a suit, it makes your work more important than hers? Her work requires a great deal of time and skill, and even if it didn’t, everyone deserves to get paid for their work. And you should be ashamed to refer to this as your mother’s “faux pas.” Your mother did nothing wrong, except possibly the way she raised you.

And as to the “female birth giver” crap: what does your mother call you . . . her “third pregnancy byproduct”?

If you have to go out of your way to show everyone how cool you are, then you’re not.

I’m questioning it because Deborah did a good deed for her a few years ago. I believe the statute of limitations is up on the old lady’s offer. Deborah is the kind of person that, like I said, will capitalize on the most hypothetical of offers.

Funny, I never said anything about having a job that was more important than anyone else’s. I feel like I should compensate this woman, not to chalk it up as her following through on an old promise made and cashed in for more than the offer was.

You’re mighty touchy about this subject. Perhaps I didn’t explain the situation enough or any attempts at humor were lost.