This is why you carefully step over any paperbag left lying outside someone’s door.
One night during my freshman year, I was studying in a lounge on my hall at 2 a.m. On my way to the bathroom, I passed my room and noticed the door ajar. I thought this was odd, as my roommate had been asleep earlier. I poked my head in and saw a guy pissing on my rommate’s desk…which was just inches away from his face resting on his pillow! I was too stunned to say anything, but did manage to laugh hysterically.
One of our hallmates heard the commotion and managed to yell at the guy and pull him out of the room. Turns out he was a visiting prospective high school student. The student he was staying with decided to show him a good time. I never did find out if he decided to apply.
Yes, another sister of mine at the U of Iowa had a dorm room across from the bathrooms. One night, her roomie forgot to lock the door, and a drunk guy wandered in and woke up my sis. He started to unzip his fly. She jumped out of bed and shoved him back into the hall real fast before he could let loose.
Pissing in odd places is a really good sign that the person has a problem with alcohol.
Sadly, I’ve missed out on all the crazy dorm happenings that have gone on around here. What I do have, however, are a 24-hour Kroger (grocery store), McDonald’s Drive-Through, and Steak n Shake to which I make frequent visits to. I’m sure it doesn’t do much for my figure, but there are some fun stories that go along with the trips there and back. I just wish I could remember them now. They’re in a book my friend wrote, published on Lulu.
Anyway, I just wanted to add that one of the best things about college thus far about is the dining expierience. The food is very inconsistant, sometimes it will be very good and others very bad, but the conversation that takes place is very entertaining and informative at the same time. Almost everything turns into a philosophical debate (which is where my post about ketchup came from, for anybody that read that). The joke is because we don’t have girls (I’m at one of the last all-male colleges in the nation) that we have to turn to philosophy to entertain ourselves. I’m not sure how much of a joke that is. I’m sure there are many here who could tell better stories than I, but my existance here in the dorm has been somewhat sedate. Maybe that’s because I live in a single room, where I only share a bathroom with the room next to me.
At a late hour we would occasionally “bang”/“stumble” onto a “friend’s” door enough to wake them and then mumble loudly “oh god I can’t believe I’m gonna puke here”.
Frequently one would hear our “friends” stumbling out of bed to “stop” the offending barfer.
Of course we’d just stand there cackling in the hall.
A couple of our “friends” actually fell for this ruse more than once!
And since everyone seems to love pissing stories:
At a dorm party, a guy in our group excused himself to leave.
A minute later we heard a rap on the window. We moved the curtain away to see
him pissing on the glass and laughing. I was actually amused.
Wow, we were all pretty innocent back when I went to college. Although there was one guy who lived on my floor who would ride his unicycle around, and if your door was open, woe betide anything left on the floor. And there was the other guy down the hall who was doing that sixties/early seventies trick of tying a black garbage bag into a long string of knots, then getting really wasted and lighting it over a wastebasket full of water. Except I guess he got too wasted and the dripping flaming plastic missed the wastebasket and he ended up burning his whole room out.
But in two years of living in dorms, I don’t remember a single time when someone puked or peed inappropriately. In spite of the excessive partying we did. Hey, it was the era of better living through chemistry.
Lived in a dorm room with 9 other guys - it was supposed to be with 7 others, but oh well…
So one guy - and he did this twice! - got really really really really wasted and arose in the middle of the night to go wee. Walked around the room a couple of times, bumping into stuff and cursing, which woke us up so we could bear witness to his piss-take… er, “mistake.” Finally, he decided he had walked far enough and simply had to be in the bathroom.
Unfortunately, he was standing directly in front of his bed. Up started the warm jets, and we yelled at him. Confused, he did a 180, and pissed in the middle of the floor. The next morning, he refused to believe that he had done it and wouldn’t lift a finger to clean it up, thinking he was being pranked.
The second time he did it, we gave him a drubbing so he’d have the bruises as proof in the morning…
Ah, Dorm Justice.
At the college I attended, there was a student named Eddie. One night he had just broken up with a girlfriend, so he started playing sad “love gone bad” songs on his guitar, then decided to symbolize the end of the relationship by smashing the instrument to smitherens. My roommate, Dave, saw Eddie and exclaimed: “You idiot, that’s your good guitar! Why didn’t you just finish the job and bust that cheap-ass one that’s about to fall apart anyway?” Eddie just looked at Dave and explained: “It wouldn’t have been the same.”
And this whole drinking-until-you-urinate-and-vomit-in-inappropriate-places thing is fun, how, exactly?
No, no, no. The trick is to drink just enough so that you don’t vomit, and so that urination in unorthodox places is intentional and amusing.
I wasn’t exactly there, but a good friend told me a story…
The friend came home one day to find the fridge absolutely packed with 40s. His roommate had decided to throw a “Forty Ounces to Freedom” sort of party. That sounded fine. So the party gets going, and they’re all watching TV. Roommate had a habit of yelling at the TV and tossing pillows at it while watching MTV and stupid cable shows. That night, he decided he’d had it. The TV was enough nonsense.
So he took a 40 and buried it, bottom first, in the TV.
I know that this happened because I saw, with my own eyes, the carnage. The 30" TV (nowhere new, probably 10-15 years old at the time) had only a bit of screen left, most of it crushed in. The bottom part of the glass bottle was still stuck there. They let it sit in the room for a few days before throwing it out.
My dorm life is extremely sedate, I realize. It’s noisy but there doesn’t seem to be much inappropriate elimination. Maybe no one bothers to come up to our floor for it.
One semester, when I lived in Fowler Hall at Texas A&M University (WHOOP!), my roommate and I lived next door to Kevin and Rob.
Kevin was a fairly sensible (although rather irresponsible) guy and he and I have gotten along well over the years. Rob, OTOH, was a boorish lout who really didn’t belong in an institute of higher learning; he was only there because someone in his family though it might be a good idea for him to get a degree before returning home to run the family’s string of pawn shops (which I understand where fairly successful).
Anyway, Kevin went out of town one weekend to visit his girlfriend in Houston, leaving Rob to do whatever the hell he wanted, and of course, Rob got really really ripped…
… so ripped that he vomited several place in their room, including the sofa and the carpet remnant that serverd as the carpeting.
When he sobered up enough, Rob did his best to clean off the sofa, but he couldn’t get the yuck out of the carpet…
… so he cut a hole in the carpet around the puddle of vomit and threw the offending section in the trash!
The best prank ever was posted somewhere on these boards a few years ago. Now, it might not have been a dorm, probably wasn’t, but when a roommate was gone for a weekend, his ‘friends’ closed off, and dry walled the door to his room. They did a pro job. I remember they had pictures of before and after. The after shot looked like no door had ever been there. They painted the dry wall to match the room, and added trim below. Then they had a picture of bewildered roommate looking for the door to his room.
The walled-over door incident happened many years ago (1968 or 69) in a University of Wisconsin dorm. The guy whose room was walled up was a snotty little prig who was always turning people in to the school administration for various “offenses.”
At Cornell in the late 60s/early 70s, there was a notorious Coke machine in the University Halls that would inevitably steal your change and give you no soda when you had just fed it your last quarters at 4 AM in desperate need of a caffeine fix before a big midterm. Angrier and angrier notes were posted to the vending supply company, which did NOTHING about this big moneymaker.
On the last day of the term, a group of students hauled the damn thing up to the fifth floor (where, oddly enough, there were oversized windows), cleared the pavement below of passersby, and shoved it out. It landed top down and accordioned itself into a roughly 2/12 foot high compacted version. They then took it back into the vending room and stuck it where it belonged with a note saying politely: “Machine is broken, please repair.”