My Fucked-Up Family and their disgusting Pea Soup

That is such an understatement! IMHO, it looks like they are trying to make sure you never come back.

All this has to be deliberate.
In this day and age of convenient everything and one-step recipes?
Not to mention people from Wisconsin using Velveeta. :dubious: In-fucking-excusable.

You’re being played. And so is Argent’s dad.

You say he looks like Pacino? When I read this, it was Pacino saying it in my mind, with a glare that could cut metal.

Oh, my dad’s glare could cut through a diamond.

Yes, but it’s like the Grand Canyon–you go there, expecting to wax lyrical about the grandeur and beauty and everyone says the same thing" that’s a big hole."

Their rudeness is so off the scale (and I agree with the idea that they went and ate dinner somewhere) that all one can say is, “That was rude.” There are no adequate words…

Now, if they ever come to Bloomington, you know what you must do, don’t you? I am a big believer in the slow kill of kindness. Be the most gracious host you can imagine: a cross between Julie McCoy and Ricardo Montalban. Serve a dinner, nay, a feast in your home and finish it with… coffee! You might want to make a good pea soup and/or maybe some homemade fish tacos. Or do a real nice salmon on the grill. And all the while say stuff like, “we’re just small town folks, and this ham and pea soup that you can stand a spoon in doesn’t compare to the pea soup we had at your house, but we do are best out here in the hinterlands…”

I thought that, too, and we don’t have a single good Mexican restaurant in this country. Tuna and salmon?

I know it is Christmas and all, but there is nothing noble about being a doormat. Your Dad isn’t teaching you the right lessons - you should try teaching him some.

I think you got the same helicopter that my little nephew got for his b-day last week. It is sweet – I think my brother and I monopolized it the whole time (nephew was engrossed with Thomas the Train, anyway).

Annoyingness of relatives and choking down their crappy food at holiday time is pretty much inescapable. Y’all just need to smile and blithly ignore the passive-aggression – it’ll drive 'em crazy. Also, next time the uncle’s family offers to arrange any form of dinner, insist your dad tell them “Oh, no, you went to so much trouble last time; we’ll arrange everything this time.”

Oh, I hope you didn’t think my post was intended to be critical, I was actually trying to support your call by underscoring it and it came out kinda wrong. You’d sort of need to be able to underline the word “rude” about a hundred times or more and the board doesn’t let us do that.


Oy, this is gonna take awhile…

I’l bet the portions were small too.

No, the portions were all too large. They were all served in giant glazed crocks with a handle on either side. The soup was also yellow, instead of green. I don’t know where the hell they got yellow peas, but they did. The soup was flavored with some kind of Indian curry and there was a white layer of cream on top, which I mixed into it because I cannot stand straight milk or cream. Also, the baguette wasn’t even hot, and the pieces were tiny.

Also, my uncle had never heard of The Sea and Cake. I would think that someone from the Chicago area would know about one of the most notable bands to come from that area, but my uncle’s idea of music is plastic-wrapped smooth-jazz Christmas compilations.

They’re a notable but not “popular” band, so not everyone would, no.

The yellow pea soup sounds very Scandinavian, and if prepared right is very good. No way is it supposed to be thin and watery, though. Maybe it was some Indian recipe.

Yellow split peas show up in Indian cooking. Sometimes they’re prepared in a thin, soupy dish. Sounds like you were served some kind of horrible, inept version of this. Sorry about that - it *can * be really good.

Your aunt and uncle still acted like complete jerks, nevertheless.

Gah. :frowning: I can’t read the rest of this thread. I wish you hugs or a loaded .44 Magnum. Those people cannot be allowed to occupy my space or breathe my air.

A few observations:

Going for “coffee” was your Aunt and Uncle having a fight. My guess was it was something like this: “I can’t stand your brother and nephew, they think they are so hip and treat us with nothing but contempt. No wonder his wife left him”.

The “pea soup” was an Indian dish that you didn’t like.

Ordering salmon at a Mexican restaurant? And, BTW, fish tacos usually come with semen-like sauce made from some combination of sour cream and mayonnaise.

Too bad you missed out on the Greek food, but it was your Grandfather who nixed that.

Actually The Chili Pepper in Orange, CA has some pretty good salmon. One dish is grilled salmon, and another is chipotle salmon. The chipotle salmon is cooked in a sauce apparently made of sour cream, sliced mushrooms and chipotle chilis. (I’ve made it myself, but I went a little overboard on the chilis.) Tastes great, and the heat from the chilis kick in a second or two afterwards. Both that and the grilled salmon are served with rice, squash, and a choice of refried or pinto beans. As for the staff, not an Anglo in sight. They’re very proud of their specials, and really like to serve seafood. Their ‘Mexican fast food’ (tacos, burritos, etc.) are also very good, as is the carne asada.

Too bad about the Greek food, but as DanBlather points out it was Grandpa who nixed it.

Baa-aad Grandpa!!

[QUOTE=Argent Towers]
Oh yeah, and this uncle of mine - his legal exploits include:

Defending the Union Carbide Corporation against asbestos litigation

Defending the Dow Chemical Corporation against lawsuits over faulty silicone breast implants.

Defending various pharmaceutical companies against class action suits.


Well, you can take moral satisfaction that your only benefit from this exploitation was limited to watery pea soup.

(There was a ad for Ronco kitchen knives a few years ago that had the pitch “slice meat so thin your in-laws will never come back!”)

I know this is a diatribe against your uncle and his wife, but I think your apparent over-the-top hero worship of your father and utter disdain for an apparently run-of-the-mill uncle seems a little unfair. He’s a lawyer - he defends those he’s assigned to defend. He’s successful. He’s probably hard-working. It’s no crime to be balding and not look like Al Pacino. He obviously has different taste in music - it doesn’t make his wrong and yours right

I will admit that the leaving your guests to go out for “coffee” is not being a good host. It was your grandfather who nixed the Greek food, however. And they may love that Mexican restaurant. They couldn’t control the weather.

It seems like you and your father are determined to find fault in everything he does. If he serves expensive food he’s pretentious, buying “overpriced yuppie organic” food. If the food is subpar, he’s cheap. They entertainment “totally sucked”. If the weather turns bad or a light turns red, he’s inconsiderate. He’s always either driving too fast or too slow. It doesn’t seem like he can win. He’s probably better off if you don’t come to visit - I wouldn’t want ungrateful guests like you in my house.

I hate pea soup.


[French Canadian accent]

Maybe he thought that serving the soup would bring peace between him and your father.