My Daughter and Grandkids live acouple of hours away.
As Tradition goes,I happily pay for all Family Meals.Xmas Dinner this Year was ruined by my Self-centered,contolling,everything-must-go-my-way,Son-in-Law.After opening gifts and enjoying the company of Family,I offered to take everyone out for Dinner.(usual routine)
A “Family” style Restaurant was chosen to the objections of the
Son-in-Law. The Restaurant was too far and it was in a Bad part of Town.Upon arriving,everyone had chosen their Dinner,except the Son-in-law,who stood helplessly looking at the Menu Board and not being able to make up his mind.After everyone gave me their “Dinner” order,S-i-L, begrugdedly ordered a “Dry Cheese Burger”. It was obvious to this GrandPa that he was going to be trouble, again.When the orders arrived,of course,his was not “Dry” and had to be returned.When it was brought back out to his Majesty,it still was not right and the MGR. now became involved.A new Cheese Burger was put to Grill and seemingly took forever to get served.After everyone had finished an otherwise delightful meal the burger was served only to be rejected by his hyn-ass,ordered to be boxed for Take-out with a demand of a refund…remember, I’m Buying…not Him.
So this little charade continues until junior matures and figures out that when a gift is made,either material of Food,be gracious, keep your damn mouth shut and think of others first!
How far do you think you can jam that cheeseburger down his ungrateful throat?
Go ahead, find out. I’ll wait.
Seriously, though. Take him aside and lay down the law. Tell him what a jerkoff he is and how you don’t appreciate his dickheadedness at Chrsitmas (or any other time).
Some people delight in takiing a celebratory mood and screwing it up for everyone concerned. The need to be the centre of attention overrides their sense of courtesy and decorum…and of course, they WIN unless you call them out on their behaviour.
Even though they are adults, they are like little toddlers throwing a tantrum, only a slightly more ‘passive’ one. The effect on those who have to share their company is the same though. It’s embarrassing and it’s extremely uncomfortable. It IS controlling behaviour of the worst kind, because everybody feels a need to tippy-toe around Jerk to avoid any sort of scene.
You have to treat your snot-nosed SIL the same as you would a two-year old chucking a wobbly in the supermarket. You walk away, you ignore him, you LET HIM KNOW IN VERY CLEAR TERMS THAT HIS BEHAVIOUR IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. You might even ask him if he is going to ‘behave’ before you take him out again, just to put him on notice that he is a prick.
He will of course try it on again (just to test how serious YOUR resolve is) but if you stick to your guns, he might eventually grow out of it. Hopefully.
(I have an older sister who would use any family gathering/public get-together as an excuse to behave at her very worst. At my ex-husbands funeral and wake, she sat in a corner and sulked because she couldn’t justify ‘making a scene’. 
It was incredibly funny to watch…you could see her just ITCHING to do something or say something obnoxious to draw the attention back to herself, but my step-father had threatened to smack her silly if she did anything. This woman is 54 freaking years old mind you!!)
Good luck.
At that point, I would have quite deliberately told the manager that since I was paying, no refund was necessary and I would quite audibly and distinctly “apologized” for my SiL’s behavior, cutting him out of the conversation, completely.
I’m with Tom on this one
What the hell is a dry cheeseburger?
Down his throat? That’s not wear I’d shove it.
You should’ve told him to go sit and wait in the car.
No ketchup, mustard, mayo, ect.
I had an X who was like that. Once when we went out to eat with a group of my coworkers, he sent back his dinner like 3 times because it wasn’t perfect. I was humiliated.
This was after I begged him not to make a scene over anything, as he was known for doing.
One of the many reasons he’s my X. Seeings how you don’t really have that option for your SIL, I suggest following Tom’s advice as well. When I waited tables I had customers who did that and it always shut up the trouble maker. Quite amusing as well.
Dad! How long have you been posting here? 
My brother-in-law is exactly the same. He, my sister, and my niece are living with my parents for a few months while their new house is being built. On Christmas day, after dinner, my father (who, in fairness, can be a real PITA) wanted my BIL to help with a project laying some slate tile that my BIL had agreed to help with. The BIL is great on promising and terrible at follow through.
At any rate, I’m at the sink washing dishes and my sister is standing there drying when the BIL comes into the kitchen and starts bitching about how he’s had enough of my dad and all he wants to do is sit and relax after dinner and why is my dad being such a dick, etc., etc., etc. I was literally biting my lip to keep from laying into him–I kept my mouth shut because he’d had some wine and is even more of an ass when he’s been drinking so I didn’t want to make a big scene.
Long story short: he had done NOTHING all day except get his sorry ass out of bed and down the stairs where he’d opened some presents. He did NOTHING to help get dinner on the table and I don’t think he’s ever once helped to clean up after a meal, not even to the point of clearing his OWN dishes. Nonetheless, he had the gall to stand there and bitch about how HE wanted to relax after dinner. Yeah, so did I, asshole, but after my mother and sister had worked their butts off putting a nice dinner on the table, I wanted THEM to be able to relax.
GAH! What a tool.
Let’s make sure we have the details straight: you say that a husband and father, having hosted Christmas in his house, is forced by his can’t let-go-of the-apron-strings father-in-law (under the guise of “generosity”) to go out for a dinner which should be cooked at home, and to do it at some crappy restaurant (be honest – it was Applebee’s, wasn’t it?) where he can’t get anything he wants, and his Daddy’s-Girl wife enabled Grandpa’s emotional blackmail. To make it worse, the restaurant that he didn’t want to go to, as predicted, got his order wrong, replaced it late, and got it wrong again. Since everyone had finished dinner, he just had the burger boxed up, but stood on his principles and demanded a refund (and good for him) but his self-centered, controlling, everything-must-go-my-way father-in-law chose to interpret this as some kind of personal insult.
So this little charade continues until Grandpa figures out that he is a GUEST in ANOTHER MAN’S HOME and should keep his fucking mouth and his fucking wallet SHUT, instead of infiltrating another man’s castle and undermining his position in his family. “Generosity” is the most insidious tools of the interfering parent-in-law, and while son-in-law doesn’t win any points for his performance, it’s not surprising that after having everybody and the short-order cook turn against him, he got a little pissy about his cheeseburger coming out with slime all over it.
I agree, Nametag; SiL should have paid for dinner out of his own pocket, either by purchasing the ingredients and, if necessary, cooking them himself, or by taking the family out to a restaurant that met his standards, thereby asserting his proper role as provider.
Nametag: The OP already stated that going out is a tradition in the family (see the word “usual”).
Don’t impose your In-law issues on the OP. And don’t assume that all Christmas dinners “should be cooked at home”. Not to mention that demanding a refund when you’re not the one who is paying is just gauche.
Lola: Well, technically, since the person in question is an in-law, he IS being “forced” to comply with another family’s tradition. What if his family’s tradition is having an at-home turkey dinner with pot pie and mashed potatoes?
Not that it’s really what’s going on here; just saying that Nametag’s scenario (which smacks of overreaction based on his personal experience alone to me) isn’t void on just that basis.
I couldn’t tell from reading the OP which household served as host.
Maybe it is time to change the tradition. Let old sore-ass choose the restaurant and pick up the tab or prepare the meal at home if he is the host.
I would tactfully talk with the daughter and ask her input on the best way to handle it.
If the situation doesn’t change and this happens again, I urge you not to pay any attention to him at all. For some people, the negative attention of a scolding is better than being ignored and they will do anything to provoke. Don’t reward him with attention.
Plan ahead things to talk about as soon as he starts his sulking and pouting. As soon as he is engaging pleasantly, give him attention immediately. At the first sign of childish behavior, pretend he does not exist.
Another possibility. I used to teach high school English. Invite me along. In the manner in which Annie Sullivan once spoke of her early weeks with Helen Keller, He will fold his napkin..
I can really sort of see both sides here. On the one hand, some people are drama queens, and demand to have everything their way OR ELSE. Frequently, even when they DO have things their way, they throw a hissy fit anyway. One of my relatives (now deceased) used to delight in setting one relative against another, for some reason. This made family gatherings less than pleasant, even when she wasn’t present.
Perhaps SIL knew that this particular restaurant would not have anything that he liked or could eat. There are a couple of chains that I won’t patronize because they smother all their food in black pepper, which I cannot eat unless I want to spend the next few days in agony. Or perhaps he was aware of a health issue with this particular restaurant, which he didn’t want to bring up. Perhaps he objects to patronizing establishments which are open on Christmas Eve or Day. Or perhaps it really spoils the feeling of Christmas for him to be going out to eat.
Or, I’ll grant you, he might truly be a controlling asshole. But I can envision several scenarios here, some of which are his fault and some of which are the OP’s fault. You see, I had a father-in-law who insisted that HIS traditions be followed, no matter how anyone else felt about it. Most of the family would go along, not because they enjoyed the tradition, but because nobody wanted to argue with the old tyrant. It finally got to the point where I would not join my inlaws for any gathering, for that reason and because they all smoke like chimneys. After I started refusing to follow the herd, others in the family also started dropping out, with great relief. So to the OP, I’d say you’d better look in a mirror before accusing others of controlling behavior.
I think you’re wrong Lynne at least insofar as Mott is culpable in this situation.
The restaraunt was nominated, so therefore, if SIL had any major objections (apart from location) he should have made them known then, AND picked a different place AND offered to pay for any alternative venue that was chosen.
He didn’t (or so we can assume).
Therefore he was ‘happy’ to attend the restaraunt, but also to make everyone else aware of his dissatisfaction. In which case he is a dick.
I might be wrong. However, as I read Mott’s post, I could hear my father in law saying essentially the same thing, without noting the main reasons for my objections. However, it might also be that SIL really doesn’t like to go out to eat on holidays, preferring to have his own family, nuclear or extended, at home. I try very hard to avoid eating out on various holidays, like Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas Eve/Day because I think that 1) those should be family days, and the people who work in restaurants have families too, and 2) it’s always damned crowded and busy, and really not conducive to an enjoyable meal for me.
Oh, and by the way, it’s Lynn. No E at the end.
Aw shit.
Will a box of hand-dipped pralines do as penance this time??
I’m not sure that we’re talking about the same thing when we say “pralines”. In Texas, a praline is a confection of sugar, cream, butter, and pecans. Sort of a nonchocolaty fudgy thingy, that’s poured out in circles on a nonstick surface. Mexican restaurants generally have them at the cash register.
What do YOU mean when you say “praline”?
Sure a tradition in HIS family. What you apparently think is beneath notice is S-I-L’s right to HIS family traditions. I’m guessing that this poor guy has been putting up with Grandpa’s “Lord of the Manor” B.S. for years, and the resentment is starting to leak out.
[quote]
Don’t impose your In-law issues on the OP.
[quote]
I don’t have any in-law issues. My in-laws are sensible, kind, and generous people who have brought me into their family without compromising my role as head of my household.
I don’t assume that. I am merely presenting the possibility that S-I-L has good reasons to be pissed off.
No, it’s sticking up for principle, and for other people. In another context, one might call it “selfless.”
And here’s the emotional blackmail again. Grandpa is not merely paying for dinner, he’s buying the right to rule the evening. In order to enjoy dinner with his family, S-I-L suddenly has to bid for it? He’s going to look like an asshole no matter WHAT he does.
We can’t assume anything of the kind. Grandpa WANTS us to assume that S-I-L did nothing. In my mind, the most likely scenario is that S-I-L doesn’t really have enough money to take people out to dinner, didn’t really want to go out to dinner, couldn’t really say no because no responsible father will pass up a free meal for his kids, wasn’t prepared to host dinner because he knew that Daughter (who is curiously absent in this discussion) would insist on going out with Daddy, and really wanted Grandpa to just go the fuck home instead of flaunting his money in the poor lad’s face and cutting his legs out from under him.
There’s something about an offer you can’t refuse that makes accepting it feel like defeat.