*… And what can I do?
I’m not even sure how
The other one grew
When I try to tell her
She only needs two
She grab me and kicks me
With her extra shoe
My girl has three legs
[and another line]
[and another line]
It’s really confusing
When we’re in bed
I’m not even sure
Which two to sp…
…eaking of the state of the economy…*
That song’s been going through my head for two days. It’s by Damaskas, and it played on the Dr. Demento Show on (the late) KMET in Los Angeles back in the early-80s. (Little bit of heaven, ninety-four-point-seven. K-M-E-T! Tweedle-dee!) I think I have it on a cassette tape that I recorded off the air at the time. I need to dig it out, because those are the only lyrics I remember and I don’t know if it will leave my head until I know the rest!
[sub]Actually, it will probably leave when another song pops in. It was Peaches by The Stranglers over the weekend. I guess My Girl Has Three Legs has replaced it for the nonce.[/sub]
I heard this on the radio once, and couldn’t get it out of my head. I swear I saw the video for it.
Detachable Penis
King Missile
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time. It’s detachable. This comes in handy a lot of
the time. I can leave it home when I think it’s going to get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out when I don’t need it. But now and then I go to a
party, get drunk, and the next morning I can’t for the life of me remember
what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment and I couldn’t find
it, so I called up the place where the party was, they hadn’t seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'cause for some reason, I leave
it there sometimes, but not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let
me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help
either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don’t like being without
my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man and I really
hate to have to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of
searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting
to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev and at breakfast. Then as I
walked down Second Avenue toward St. Mark’s Place,where all those people
sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a
blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to
buy it off him. He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17. I took it
home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don’t
know. Even though sometimes it’s a pain in the ass, I like having a
detachable penis.
There’s the old Smothers Brothers song Jonathan W. Astor about a dancing girl with three legs.
“Hey, Lady! You dance like you have two left feet!”
“I have two right feet!”
I liked that song. Never saw the video though. Speaking of detachable penises…
There was a song on Dr. D that I heard once. I think it was called Since She Bit It Off. I don’t remember the name of the band. I almost want to say The Dead Milkmen, but I just don’t remember. What I do remember is:
I used to love them women
But I can’t love them no more
Since she bit it off
And threw it on the floor
I heard a Shel Silverstein recording called Never Bite A Married Woman On The Thigh on the Dr. D. show. The lines were read very, very quickly; except for the last word in each (which rhymes with ‘thigh’), which is drawn out with a rising tone.
