My God Damn Butcher Closed

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Christ. Yesterday I stop in on the walk home from the D train for a couple of chops, and one of the subalterns mentions that the shop is closing on Saturday. Forever.

I moved to Brooklyn in 1984, and there was a little butcher shop every two blocks. For the least ten years, these guys have been the only small independent shop in the immediate neighborhood (I didn’t even bitch when they combined with the deli next door five years ago).

Now what? “Go to the butcher on Fifth Avenue and Eighth Street,” they say, giving me a card. I’m sorry, I gotta be home by six PM so the babysitter can leave, I ain’t waltzing all over the fucking borough of Brooklyn for a pound of ground chuck.

Go to the supermarket? If I wanted to buy meat shrinkwrapped in plastic to a styrofoam tray, I’d live in Assboink, Idaho, thank you very much. Save myself some aggravation.

Shit. Stores like this are one of the reasons (if not the MAIN reason) I live in New York City. “I need a butterflied leg of lamb,” I’d say, and the next day it’s be all nicely carved out and ready for me. “Gimme a Bell & Evans chicken,” I’d say, “just split it and take out the backbone…I’m gonna grill it under a brick.” And Dominic and Sam and Larry and Joe and I would chaff each other and swap recipes and generally pass the time of day while deft hands were whisking out bones and cutting to size and wrapping in brown paper.

Now where’m I gonna get a three inch porterhouse that I can grill whole and slice for guests? Who’s gonna cut pork chops a half-inch thick when I want to panfry them, and an inch thick when I want to grill them, and two inches thick if I want to stuff them? Where am I going to get a rack of lamb? Or homemade Italian sausage?

On a moment’s notice, I mean. This place was four short blocks from my crib. And on the way home from the subway.

Vegetarians are cordially disinvited to post.

2

Well god damn.

3

sheesh Uke, maybe i’d better stay in Queens then, i’ve got at least 4 good butchers within 10 blocks from where i live. I know of a couple good ones in Carrol Gardens though, don’t know how far from you that is in the slope. my condolences man.

4

Ike, you’re supposed to remove the plastic and the styrofoam before you cook the meat. Try it sometime, the flavour is much improved.

And stop trying to fight the tide of progress! Soon you will be buying your clothes at Walmart, your sausages at 7-11 and your books at Barnes and Noble like the rest of us. Just accept the inevitable.

5

It’s the little things in life that make the big things bearable. Sorry you’re losing one that’s been such a stay for you.

By the way, the Assboink Chamber of Commerce has denied your application. They don’t want New Yorkers polluting down their local culture. So much for diversity.

6

Sorry Ike…I haven’t seen the inside of a real butcher shop since I was a kid in the early 60’s. I live just a little southeast of Assboink, Idaho evidently. Supermarkets suck for this very reason. My daughter watches Emeril all the time. She’s facinated by his little trips to the butcher, green grocer, and bakery. The truth is we are at the mercy of whatever THEY decide to sell us. Lamb? What the hell is that? I’ve eaten it once in my life. You can’t even buy it down here where I live. Every now and then you see it, same with decent veal. But you can get pork of every discription, even the feet. Hams are our specialty and fresh sausages are pretty easy to find. In the winter you can get venison from just about anybody for free. Hunters give it away. You can also get chitterlings, not that I eat them, but they are available.

To be serious…I don’t buy many of my meats in the conventional grocery store anymore. I buy a lot of my meat at Sam’s Club, now this does mean that I have to freeze it but when you are single raising two kids it isn’t easy to run by the store everyday anyway. And we do have a small local market that has an occasional special on meat. At places like Sam’s Club and Price Club you can buy fresh meat and have it cut to your liking. Or it does come in packs of nice already cut sizes like your 1/2" to 2" cut pork chops. (One of my kids favorites by the way, marinated with a little garlic, teriaki, red pepper then grilled.)

Poor fella, I don’t blame you for being bummed. I miss a lot of the old ways of doing things that have long gone. Don’t you just hate malls?

Need2know

7

Ukey, come to the Park Slope ghetto by me - only 17 blocks from your house. We’ve still got a lovely Polish butcher shop and a fresh fruit/vegetable stand.

That’s what’s so great about the ghetto - big corporate conglomerates are too scared to move in. I can go the whole day without seeing a Starbucks, a supermarket, a Barnes and Noble, a McDonald’s, etc.

8

Thanks for the sympathetic wishes, guys, and for not making the Easy Joke (I looked back at the OP and figured everyone would think “So Uke lives in New York and puts up with the real estate headaches, the crowded mass transit and miserable traffic, the bad public schools and the hot, humid summers, because of the RETAIL MEAT OPPORTUNITIES.” What I meant was what everyone deduced…small independent stores for books, bread, bike repair, vegetables, shoes, CDs, hero sandwiches, cheese, etc.).

soulsling: Carroll Gardens is a bit of a hike. Drive, actually. They do have several good Italian butchers there, though…and down at 5th and 18th (SaxFace’s neighborhood) there’s the divine Eagle Provisions, a great Polish meat market, bakery, and grocery. And there’s Fiaccio’s Pork Store on Fifth and Garfield…still a little too far if I’m rushing home so as not to be late for the sitter.

Needs2Know: I’m raising two chilluns myself, although my wife does occasionally come home from the office. The nice thing about this place was that I could stop by on the way home from the train and grab that evening’s main course. And yeah, I’m thinking about buying a subzero freezer at this point. I do pick up things like flank steak, pork tenderloin, and (especially) fish (salmon, swordfish, tilapia, catfish, trout) at a Brooklyn price club. It hurts not to be able to have meat freshly ground for me, though (especially to have beef, pork, and veal ground together for Italian dishes). And not to be able to make that spur-of-the-moment decision to switch from lamb chops to rib steak for that evening’s dinner, just because the rib steak looks so GOOD today.

pluto: Dammit. I had such a nice time there, telling the natives how much BETTER we do everything in New York. How the buildings are taller and how we get all the first-run movies and how you can get a good pastrami sandwich at three in the morning. I had the Assboinkers spellbound, I tell you! Wonder who blackballed me?

Arnold: Stop it, man, you’re making me cry…

9

lol - as someone who may as well live in “assboink, Idaho” and who cooks on a regular basis, I can attest that things aren’t quite as dreary out in the flyover as you may think. There’s at least 2 butchers in my small town, both willing & happy to cut my thick-cut pork chops and butterflied leg of lamb. The funny part is, the local supermarket chain does it better & cheaper… guess competition is good!

10

I used to work in an A&P in Mestfield, NJ (not the real town name) I don’t eat chopmeat anymore. You don’t want to know. Really.

11

Yeah, I know what you mean. I would always tell my butcher, “A pound anna half a ground sirloin, and leave out the rat hair and puppy dog tails.” “Ha ha,” he would say, then go in the back room and urinate over my chicken livers.

12

No, it wasn’t the additions to the meat of non-beef products.

Figure out the worst case scenario for yourself.

This is What I Saw
(in no particular order)

  1. Meat would be sold until the last day, and then discounted until the end of said day.

  2. Meat (except chopmeat),on a random basis, would have the outer cello wrap ripped off, and then sent thru the packaging machine again and have a new date assigned to it. (Fish too- Eww!)The store manager told me also to repack the fish this way occasionally.

  3. Chopmeat would be sold until the last day, then discounted as above. Old chopmeat would be put into the chopmeat machine along with the new meat and run thru several times to assure maximum blending. (I saw the meat manager do this a few feet away while he showed me the ropes- I have no idea if the main store manager knew of the practice) (The store manager was a freaky guy though)
    The fish dept at the DoodTown down the street was not much better- I actually refused to sell a customer chopped clams on the basis that I -never- sold any -ever- and was afraid of someone using them as a food product. (I told the woman that they were canned anyway, and to just get some off of the shelf. That and the freshness concern made her very appreciative.)

13

Had a chance to calm down a little, Ike? Keep breathing into the paper bag if you need to.

This may necessitate a little more legwork on your part, not to mention a change to your daily routine, but this couldn’t have been the only butcher shop within a quarter mile radius of your home. Walk around a bit, explore some, and perhaps you’ll find a new little butcher shop that is not too far off the beaten path.

Just think of it a tiny wrinkle in your otherwise happy-as-a-clam-like existence. Or think of it as a grand adventure. The places you’ll go! The things you’ll see!

OK, I gotta stop now, I’m feeling queasy.

Good luck in your pursuit of custom-cut animal flesh, man. My condolences.

14

Nah, I’m still fertoosht.

I’ve walked this borough from Coney Island to Greenpoint, from Flatbush to Sheepshead Bay, from Bay Ridge to the Fort Greene Memorial to the U.S. Prisoners of War Who Died Horribly on the British Hulks During the Revolutionary War. I’ve sniffed the roses in the Botanic Garden, strode the Brooklyn Heights Promenade, swilled vodka in the Russian cafes of Brighton Beach, rode the Cyclone, admired the Rothkos in the Brooklyn Museum, taunted the bears in the Prospect Park Zoo. And I ain’t seen no other butcher shop in Park Slope.

Sing with me, men. Sing with me in a comical vaudeville German accent.

Oh Dunderbeck, oh Dunderbeck
How could you be zo mean?
To ever have invented
Zat zausage meat machine?
Now der kitty-cats und long-tailed rats
No longer vill be zeen
Zey’ve all been ground to zausage meat
In Dunderbeck’s machine…

15

I used to go to a real butcher. All gone, I guess.
You can’t look your butcher “In the eye” anymore. Nobody reakky has to answer for the stuff they sell you nowdays. Kinda sad, really. The “Walmart” syndrome, I guess.
Peace,
mangeorge

16

Uke, I’m a veg, but I sympathize with the death of the small store specialist. When I ate meat, that was the place I used to frequent.

The local independent grocery here in this small town is closing this month. It’s the place where you can get everything cut to order, and the butcher would let people know any special arrivals they might be interested in. Mr. James also served as the independent bank, cashing paychecks for folks who didn’t have a bank account. (A lot of the older Black people here still don’t trust banks) He’d greet you as you walked in the door, and if you wanted something weird like snails or tofu, would special order it. He also bought produce from the local farmers. It’s a sad day indeed, but getting up in years, with a Super Kroger being built across town, he decided it was time to go.

I’m gonna miss my hoop cheese, with the “Sure, Hon, you can have the (wooden) box.”

17

Oh, poor Ike—I haven’t been on the MB much this week, so I didn’t see this till now. I know how much you enjoy cookimg, so this really sucks. And bites. And blows. Simultaneously.

My friend Michael in Bensonhurst swears there’s a butcher near him with a sign reading “You Can’t Beat Our Meat.” They just opened a Pork Shoppe in my neighborhood; ya want me to pick you up some jowls or hamhocks?

Me, I still miss Altman’s, Fiorucci’s and Bonwit Teller, so I know how you feel . . . The older you get, the more things change, and ALWAYS for the worse.

18

Eve, I actually saw a sign in a deli recently explaining why their sausage was so superior. It began, “First, we bone the choicest pork butts.”

I didn’t read the rest of it.

And I didn’t buy any sausage, either.

19

I’m one of the lucky ones too. In my small town we also have 2 butcher shops. During deer season these guys will even fix your vension up for you into sausage, hamburger, steaks, whatever you like. It’s actually decent tasting, course they add beef fat to the hamburger and fat to the sausage because vension is so lean that it won’t stick together if you don’t.

Another item to be thankful for in mundane everyday life.

20

I feel your pain, man. I had always hoped that NYC would hold out against the McGrocery onslaught. Here in Assboink–er, Lexington, our last remotely independent grocery stores are getting ready to close up, now that Meijer and Uber-Wal-Mart have moved in. All I will then have left within a 10-minute drive of my house (in the middle of town, mind you) is Kroger, and the one down the street wouldn’t know a good piece of meat if it bit them on the ass.

About a year ago, I was doing a bit of shopping and decided to buy a small steak for supper. (I’m big on small amounts of high-quality meat, exactly the opposite of the Kroger philosophy.) All the steaks under the glass were gargantuan. The following conversation occurred:

Me: Yeah, I’d like one of these steaks, about three quarters of an inch thick.
Butcher Wannabe: (holds up thinnest of pre-cut steaks) This one OK?
Me: Uh, no, that’s at least twice as thick as I wanted.
BW: I’m sorry, that’s the smallest one I’ve got.
Me: Can’t you cut me a smaller one?
BW: No, I’m sorry, we can’t do that.
Me: But your commercials say you will! Alex the Butcher looks me right in the eye and says, “We’ll cut it just the way you want it!”
BW: Well, I’m sorry, that’s the smallest one I’ve got.

Such is life in Assboink. (It’s still a step up from my upbringing in Lower Pigshit, although I do recall being able to get meat cut the way I wanted it there.)

That said, I was reading Bon Appetit on the plane yesterday, and Julia Child said that she buys a lot of her meat at Costco.

Dr. J