My grandfather is a randy old goat.

He walked in the house this morning and told me he lost his girlfriend.

Seems he forgot where he laid her :smiley:

Two old men are chatting while they sit in a bench in the park. One says “I think my wife may have died”
The other, not quite understanding, says “what do you mean?”

“Well, the sex is about the same, but the dishes are piling up in the kitchen sink.”

An old man walks into a confessional, sits down, and blurts out, “Father, I slept with two eighteen year-old girls at the same time!” The priest says, “My son, I appreciate your eagerness to atone, but we must go through the ritual to make the sacrament valid. Can you start over?” The old man looks confused and says “Sacrament? I’m Jewish, father. I’m just telling everyone I can!”

My grandfather once said to me, “I bet you mine is longer soft than yours is hard”.

I said that I’d take his bet.

He said, “Mine has been soft for 7 years. How long has yours been hard?”

An old guy and his wife were making love one night, when he stops and asks her, “I’m sorry, dear, did I hurt you?”

She says, “No, why did you ask?”

He answered, “Well, for a moment there, you moved.”

Not exactly randy, but still an old goat:

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and the family was gathered around a huge dining table enjoying a feast in the old man’s honor. As the meal progressed, Grandpa began to list distinctly to starboard. When it appeared he would wind up in his daughter’s lap, she clapped a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him back to an upright position.

A few seconds later, Grandpa began to tilt to the left, slowly leaning toward his son. A hand came up, pushing him back up till he was seated upright once again.

This little ballet repeated itself several times as the family enjoyed the dinner, seemingly unaware.

A little later a grandson asked the old man, “Well, Grandpa, how are you enjoying the party?”

“Well, I suppose it’s OK,” said the old man, “but the children won’t let me fart!”

Nope, Grandpa ain’t me!