“He’s gonna be fine,” says the cardiologist.
Than to me.
“I know you feel better, but I want you to sit here for a while. You’re at risk for another episode. OK?”
I nod.
“You made quite a loud sound when you hit the ground. Are you hurt anywhere? Did you hit your head.”
I think about this for a second. I feel confident that I am myself again. If I say “Yes,” that I hit my head hard, they are going to call an ambulance, and that will be even more embarassing. And unnecessary. These are doctors. If I say “Yes.” they aren’t taking chances. I am going to have a bump, but my head is fine.
“No. Nothing hurts. What happened?”
“You had a basal vascular incident.”
“And that means.”
"It’s pretty much a perfect storm as far as your body is concerned. You’re not having a heart attack if that’s what you’re worried about. It doesn’t happen to people with weak hearts. What happens is your ventricles contract hard due to some stimulus, like stress, fatigue, or alcohol. Your body decides it is pumping to much blood even though your pulse is normal and it contracts your veins. This cuts off circulation too much, and suddenly your veins realize they have made a mistake. They dilate fully, and this drops your blood pressure down to nothing. All the blood leaves your head, and out you go.
It’s as if you’re body went into shock for no reason. Sometimes this happens as a pain response, or a mental shock."
“So what you’re saying is that I just fainted. That’s it?”
“That’s right.”
“Wow.”
“Has it ever happened before?”
“Yes. Once. I was on a running machine, and couldn’t seem to get warmed up. I just passed out for a second, but I was okay and actually finished my run. I really do feel better. May I get up?”
“Ok.”
My good friend, one of the OB/Gyns shows up.
“I called your wife, and told her what happened and that you’d be late,” he says.
“Oh no. Please say you didn’t.”
“Everything is fine. She understands.”
I look at him dubiously. This may require some explaining. After 12 years of marriage my wife and I have an understanding. Actually we have several, some are stated some are not.
My wife does not want to hear that I had an incident and everything is ok. If nothing is required of her, I can tell her about it tomorrow. She does not like being told something has happened when there is nothing she can do about it. It bothers her. This makes her unsympathetic but this is not the case. Either I am fine and nothing is required of her, so there is no point in calling. Or, something horrible has happened and action on her part is required. If it is the latter, than no man ever had as staunch and stalwart an ally and sympathetic partner, nor a more competant person in an emergency.
Above all, my wife has the grace of discretion. If I do something stupid or hurt myself or something embarassing happens my wife does not make a big deal about it, or worry about it. If I’m ok, I’m ok, she’ll leave me my dignity and not show any hyperconcern. If I’m not she will help. So this call to her was not necessary.
Then again, there is something else.
My friend, the OB/Gyn is a great friend. He is also something of a party animal. So you have to picture this phone call.
Picture John Belushi dressed in a toga as Blutowski in Animal House. He picks up the phone and dials, and in the background people are laughing and dancing and the band is playing “Shout” at full volume.
He speaks:
“Your husband passed out and fell down at the bathroom, so he’s gonna be late. Yeah, everything’s fine. It’s a great party! We’re just gonna sit with him for a while and make sure everything’s ok. Oh, no, no, no, he’s not drinking or anything. Oh, no, no, no.”