It all starts with my SO & I fighting…on the verge of breaking up. These are not a pleasant set of feelings on a normal day, but during the Holiday season they magnify. We decide to spend Thanksgiving with our respective families & perhaps spend some quality time together over the weekend. Well, the weekend is here & I’m still with the family.
The Wednesday before Thanksgiving is a traditional “Go out and party” night. College students who are away come home & gather at various clubs & bars and just go nuts. Being a little older than that, and also somewhat somber over my relationship issues, I wasn’t terribly interested in going out to party. I needed to talk to someone about how my life was going, get some stuff off of my chest. I wound up connecting with an old friend…she & I agreed to meet up somewhere and spill some guts.
For those of you who think this is turning into an “I cheated” story…I wish that’s all it was.
But it wasn’t…isn’t. My friend & I were just talking. After a fancy-pants cup of coffee at a local Starbucks, we simply sat in the parking lot covering a variety of topics. It was getting rather late, past 2am, and we decided it was time to get going. I was perfectly content with our night. It was just what I needed. Then I heard a crash.
BAM! It was a black SUV smashing into the concrete divider that separates the highway’s main section with it’s service road. The highway was east-west bound and the road this car was coming from was southbound. He didn’t seem to attempt to navigate the turn. He didn’t seem to attempt to hit the brakes. Just BAM! My friend & I sprung to action…I first ran to see if the driver was alive. His window was down; he was in the car alone. The car’s radio was blaring a local sports-talk show. The SUV’s airbags were deployed. (I’ve never witnessed an air-bag deployment first hand—there’s a strange scent to it) He seemed to be concussed; there was some blood on the airbag. I touched his shoulder and asked “Can you hear me?” He looked at me and the kind of laid himself down in the driver’s seat. I called 911 and stood in the road making sure on-coming traffic didn’t make matters worse. The first car to come across the scene stopped and put on their hazard lights, which helped keep what traffic there was cautious. Police arrived within a few minutes. An ambulance and a pair of fire trucks were to follow. The first officer inside the vehicle must have seen something, because there was a sudden extra urgent rush to his actions after his initial inspection. They were having trouble getting the car doors open…a police officer asked me about some details. Then I was asked to wait in my car back in the parking lot. If they needed anything, they would ask.
His name was Michael. On a rain slicked road in the early hours of Thanksgiving, his Ford Explorer crashed into a slab of concrete. He died later that day.
I gave an official statement at the precinct this morning, and I’ve been zoning out ever since. I’m bewildered by how much I’ve lurked here today. I think things are over with my girlfriend, and I feel really bad about that. We had a great run. But it’s Michael’s family I’ve been thinking about. A family I don’t even know…having spent their Thanksgiving mourning a terrible tragedy.
Sorry about bumming anyone out. I’ll post something funny later…I promise
I may be the first but I won’t be the last, your feelings are perfectly normal!! That’s what I love about this place, we can post like you did and get sympathy and understanding, and we don’t have to worry about “bumming someone out”.
I’m sorry about your relationship woes, but I am even more impressed that you acted calmly and rationally in such a tragic situation. You and your companion did exactly the right things, and although Michael died, he didn’t die alone, and could tell someone was there for him. his family will be greatful to you, trust me.
Email if you need to vent. Or keep on posting here. I’ll say a prayer for Michael’s family, and also give thanks that there are caring people like you and your companion in the world.
About two years ago, I was driving through Oklahoma on I-35 when a PT Cruiser in the lane to my right (I was in the furthest left), cut to the left (she was ahead of me), crossed the median and slammed into an SUV in the left lane of the opposing traffic. I have never seen anything like that. The Cruiser bounced across the southbound traffic and came to a rest. I pulled over, of course, and when I got out of my car, I saw the passenger side door of the car open. A small boy (about 10-12) was upside down, his head between the seat and the dashboard. His body was twisted around so bad I had to turn away. I remember saying to myself, “That kid is dead.”
Well, it turns out that he wasn’t dead. But his mother who was driving did die. The woman driving the SUV was mostly okay.
I had been going to Denver to visit an old buddy. This rather spoiled the whole trip. I had nightmares for several weeks afterwards. I still think about that kid.
THE PT Cruiser got a lot of attention from motorists that stopped (rightfully). I went to the SUV, where nobody went. I sat with a college age girl who was VERY stunned. I just sat with her and let her cry, and told her how lucky she was. She was taken to the hospital for precautionary reasons. She thanked me as they put her into the ambulance.
Hmmm. I started writing this to give you some perspective, but I don’t know if I can. I’ve comforted myself with the idea that I gave as much assistance as I could. And you should too. And don’t feel like you can’t mourn your relationship as well. My inclination would be discount my feelings over the relationship when confronted with a more serious tragedy. But if your relationship is truly over, don’t shortchange yourself by thinking you don’t have a right to be sad about it.
Thanks Baker, it’s not everyday I’m considered normal
Seriously, thank you.
After reading your reply, it occurred to me that Michael’s family won’t be grateful to me (not that gratitude matters at all to me), or even know I exist. I’m considering contacting them. A friend of a friend read the story in the paper & as it turns out, knew Michael. I now have a means of contacting them. I certainly have no idea what to say though. On the one hand, they may find it comforting to know that he wasn’t alone, but on the other hand…
The circumstances were rather grim. I found out that he was visiting an ex-girlfriend with whom he wanted to get back with. They couldn’t reconcile & he left. She knew he had been drinking & asked him to stay. He wouldn’t stay knowing they weren’t going to get back together.* If I had to guess, he fell asleep at the wheel. He was 22 years old.
If his mother asked me what I thought happened…I don’t know if I could say it to her face. Perhaps I should write a letter? That way I can really think out the message before sending it.
BTW, the irony of the events that led to the crash & my own little circumstance has been duly noted by me.
Also, thank you Hugh Ass, for your comments. I have been telling myself I did all I could and at the very least helped other motorists avoid danger. I spoke to a friend of mine who is a USMC captain. As I re-told the story, he was impressed at how I reacted as well (I did all right for a civilian;) ) So that was good to hear. Anyhow, the accident you witnessed sounded downright scary.
I am sad about my relationship. I think I was devastated a couple of weeks ago when it started to hit the fan, and just sad now that it’s official.
Thank you Dopers. You guys are allright.
*Disclaimer: These are details reported to me through a friend & I cannot 100% vouch for their credibility.
You know, I’ve been in a lot of accidents (don’t even ask). The latest one happened when I was going straight through an unmarked intersection and a mini-van decided he wanted to turn left right in front of me as I was half-way through. It was pretty ugly, my air-bag went off and all that.
Point of the story is, I was very, very grateful to all the people that rushed out of the convienence store on the corner to my car. Two girls in particular helped me out of the car and sat with me on the corner until the ambulance took me away. It was pretty hard keeping my shit together even with their company. If they hadn’t been there I probably would’ve completely lost it.
Even if he wasn’t conscious, Michael appreciated your being there and I’d imagine his family would appreciate knowing he wasn’t alone.
You did good and I’m sorry for all you had to go through this weekend.
I think that would be nice, to write a letter. You could include your contact information should the family want to reach you. If it were my son, I think I’d be comforted to know that he wasn’t alone, and that someone cared enough to help.
Andy, I think it would be very comforting for Michael’s family to hear from you. Let them know that you were there and you looked out for him until the police and ambulance arrived. You don’t need to tell them anything about your suspicions, as they’ll get that information from the coroner anyways.
I think all of us hope for someone to be there when we’re hurt and also to be able to be there for someone else if they’re hurt. You did good, Andy.
Thank you all for the words of kindness & support. I think I will start working on that letter. I think NotWithoutRage makes a great point. If it were my son, I’d want to know as much as possible about that night.
Skip over what you saw and focus more on emphasizing that he didn’t appear to be in any pain. From what you’ve told us, it sounds like he didn’t suffer. She needs to know that.
I’m sorry you’re going through so much at once.
You may want to see a councilor. Anyone seeing a critical accident for the first time should. You are experiencing a form of post-traumatic stress disorder. It is normal, but the risk of internalizing it is is great. The Fact that you have other major stresses in your life makes it even more important to talk with someone.
Fire and Police departments often have critical incident councilors on staff. Even when one sees it every day, it affects you.
We in the biz have to put a wall up to keep it from ruining us.
Michael’s mother, probably would like to hear from you, and it may be theraputic for you as well.But, be sure you keep your prospective. A common problem is survivor’s guilt. Michael did not die because you are living.
Please, in the next day or so, talk with someone. Don’t make any decisions about talking with or writing to Michael’s family until you have.
Peace.
M
