I’d forgotten about this. I had the same issue when I wanted to take a small 401k loan out. I didn’t want her involved in my business at all, at that point, but I basically had to have her permission to do it.
You can do it but as others have noted not being officially divorced comes with a whole series of complications and risks down the line as the IRS, the state, banks, etc. look at you as a team.
My husband and I filed a month ago, after 15 years of marriage. We have kids and property and it is going to be very complicated, though we also are amicable. I cannot recommend the mediator route highly enough. You can still have a consulting atty to look over the paperwork and give you advice, but a mediator is much much cheaper, and you get to choose what you want the outcome to be, rather than having to follow formulas mandated by the courts.
Also, the debt thing - in my state until you file for divorce and state your date of seperation, you are liable for all debts incurred by your spouse. You really don’t want that hanging over your head even if you get along just fine and have lots of trust now. Trust doesn’t control for medical debt, for example.
Good luck and hang in there, it is a scary process but one that will let in so much light and air and space to your life eventually, I hope. I believe it will for mine, someday.
Together, talk to an impartial financial advisor, together, talk to an impartial lawyer.
My amicable separation, divorce, turned into an all out war.
This may not effect you in particular but taking a while for the divorce to go through really screwed me when it came to alimony. All the money I paid her while we were separated didn’t count. The timer started when the divorce was completed.
This, this, so much this. IME, the goodwill between you and your partner has a tendency to fade as real life wears you down and you drift apart. I strongly recommend talking to a lawyer and getting everything on paper with an enforceable separation agreement as soon as possible, while that goodwill is still around. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.
My second recommendation is to familiarize yourself with the process. Learn what the process is for your state, what a likely timeline is, that sort of thing. It can be an overwhelming experience, and knowing what the process is can help a lot with that.
And my last advice is to keep the whole thing off of the internet. Don’t post anything to facebook or anywhere else online for the next year that you wouldn’t be willing to explain to a judge. Don’t do it even at a semi-anonymous message board somewhere, trust me, you’re not as anonymous as you think.
If things between the two of you aren’t reconcilable then you and your husband are exposing yourselves to far too much risk as other posters have posted.
At the least get a legal separation. Have your name taken off any joint credit cards.
Sorry to hear about this. Thirty years is a long time.
Regards,
Shodan
I’m so very sorry.
This is going to hurt.
Thanks everyone for all the input.
We each have one child, but they are grown and living on their own.
It sounds like a divorce is the smarter option, so I guess we’ll start there.
Crossing my fingers that things stay friendly. So far so good, but he knows nothing can happen until we get this house sold and he has a lot of work to do first. He won’t like it if I start nagging him to stop procrastinating, but I’m eager to move this along.